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Travelling with Children
Compiled from WMOMS discussions by Christina H. and from Working Moms Refuge readers.
Disclaimer: Some of this advice worked for some people some of the time. Neither they, WMOMS, nor Working Moms Refuge take responsibility for its applicability to your family. Please discuss any questions with your own network of professionals, friends and family first. Table of Contents: Air Travel
Purchasing seats for babies and using car seats in flight
Most airlines allow babies under the age of 2 to fly free, or at a rate of 10% of the fare. These "Lap babies", however are not automatically allocated a seat unless one is purchased for their use. Increasingly the chances of finding available seats on both domestic and international flights are non-existent, especially during the airlines' high travel seasons. Booster seats are no longer allowed for use by the FAA for air travel. Regular car seats must be approved by the FAA for use in flight (most new models are). Toddlers surpassing the weight limit for car seats (usually 3yr olds and up) are recommended to use the seat belt. Recommendations for Purchasing a Seat:
I really think anyone traveling should *purchase* as seat for their child. Unless you have a *very* small infant who can be put in a "sky cot" (which has a protective safety belt over the top of it - check with your airline for availability), your child is not protected at all from in flight turbulence.
On a longer flight, like cross country, the extra seat price is IMHO small price to pay for the comfort factor. Having the child NOT squirm on one's lap, bugging everyone else, etc.
Both domestic and international flights on most major airlines are often discounted to 50% - 75% of the adult fare.
For international flights, American Airline has had kid airfare of roughly 50% of the adult fare for at least 5 years now.
I only flew once with my son under 2 and that was back when planes were much less full than they are now! No way could we count on an unfilled middle seat now like we had then.
I would pay for the extra seat, frankly. My experience with flying with an 18 month old from Portland to Denver is that even with such a short flight, the kid got very heavy. Also, this gives you a place for kiddo to sprawl out (that's another reason why I don't like the bulkhead seats, the arms don't lift up there). Just gives you more wiggle room, and for a kid of any size, I can see where that would rapidly become an issue.
I would recommend paying for a seat. It is much safer, easier for your aching arms and less stressful.
While I resent paying so much for the baby's seat, there are some advantages. Apart from the obvious safety issues, she will now have her own luggage allowance. From here to Europe we only get one suitcase with up to 20kg allowed, so having her own luggage will be a big help.
We always took the car seats along after a very bad experience. When my oldest was about 10 months old, we flew to Albuquerque. It was about 6 pm on Friday and NO agency in that airport had a car seat!!! Their "parent" agencies downtown were closed for the weekend, too. We ended up having one of the adults take a cab to the nearest KMart and buying car seats. Seriously.
I bought when we took our daughter to Denmark last August (she was 8 months old then). And I'm really glad I did -- every leg of the flight was sold out, so we wouldn't have lucked into an empty seat.
Part of the reason this was really important for me is because of her personality. She would have gone absolutely *nuts* if she'd been confined to a lap for the whole trip. She copes with flying much better if she can sit in her car seat and look at books, play with stickers, etc. Plus, she's the type of kid who will *not* fall asleep in someone's arms, and she needed to do a good bit of sleeping during this travel (the out-going trip was overnight, and the return trip from London embraced naptime). I've seen other kids on flights who had their own seats but nevertheless spent the entire trip in their parents' arms. So I think your babies' personality types should probably be the deciding factor.
Recommendations for Not Purchasing a Seat We can hold her if there's turbulence. If turbulence catches us by surprise, well, that's just a chance we take. I guess I've flown enough that it isn't a big risk for me. . . Personally, I've ridden in a baggage compartment before (my dad's plane). I'm not very scared about flopping around loose in a plane. And it sure beats paying $200-$1000 for a seat that the baby's not going to stay in anyway.
When we flew to Northern Ireland last year, our son was 15 months old. We flew Air Canada from Vancouver to Heathrow. We didn't get a seat for him. We got bulkhead seats. It gave him a little room to sit down and play or stand and pull all the magazines, etc. out of the magazine holder. He didn't sleep as long as we would have liked. I enjoyed cuddling with him while he slept and I watched the movie. He spent most of his time playing on the floor at our feet (bulkhead seats) or walking up and down the aisles. We flew British Airways from Heathrow to Belfast. BA had a seatbelt for our son which was attached to my seat belt. I had never seen anything like it before. Basically, he was belted to my lap.
Don't take the car seat on board. It will make the airline seat less useful as a playspace and sleeping area.
Lugging baggage and offspring through airports Having at one time had 2 kids under age 2, we have lots of experience in dragging 2 kids, diaper bags, bottles and 2 car seats thru airports. We always got those cart things, and just abandoned them at the gate, figuring some kid would be happy to get the deposit back. Of course we boarded first. DH would usually go on first with the car seats and put them in the proper place. Then he'd come back and help me with the strollers and kids. Sometimes we got lucky and had nice flight attendants who would help. Purchase those small luggage carts that fit within the narrow walkway in the plane. Put all your carry-on luggage in a sturdy suitcase that can fit on the cart, and strap the carseat on top of the suitcase, with the baby in the carseat. Use a backpack as diaper bag (Land's End has a great diaper backpack).
Strollers Wheel that stroller right up to the plane's entrance. Sometimes you can put it in the overhead, sometimes they check it as baggage. Some airlines will pull it out of the cargo hold for you (Delta for instance) on connecting flights, sometimes you may have a long, LONG walk between gates (and think of that when packing your carry-ons).
If they don't have room for it on the plane, they will "Late Arrival" it at the gate. If you're on a nice airline at a sensible airport they will hand it back to you as you get off the plane so you can leisurely push Junior across the miles and miles of airport hallways. If you are on a stupid airline at a ridiculous airport (e.g., United Airlines at Logan) you are stuck carrying/dragging junior across the miles and miles of airport hallways en route to baggage claim to pick up the stupid stroller.
Activities and games Bring as many (small) new toys, purchased especially for the trip, as you can fit into your luggage for your tot's journey. Top 10 Favorites:
Pack a small backpack or bookbag with activities for your child to do, such as favorite books; coloring books and crayons (you can buy some great hexagonal, no-roll, washable Winnie-the-Pooh crayons); Pocket Magna-Doodle; some brand new books with fascinating fold-out pages; whatever you can think of that is age appropriate and engaging, and small enough to pack, of course. :-) During the flight take one thing out of the bookbag at a time, and play with it as long as you can before your child gets bored with it. Make everything last as long as you can. Then, when you've gotten through everything, enough time may have passed that the first things that you did may seem new again, and can be played with for a while longer.
Part of the screaming problem is caused because the kids don't want to sit for five hours plus delays at that age (can you blame them?). Plan occasional walks up and down the aisle to stretch out his legs.
Whatever you do, don't fasten the seat belt until it's time to go!
Fully utilize those airplane safety cards! That can be good for a half-hour's discussion sometimes....and an investment in the audio stuff can be worthwhile, as well.
If you don't have Tom Petty's "Full Moon Fever"...GET IT. Kids lo-o-ve "Free Falling" and the other songs on that tape, and it's adult-friendly (if you like Tom Petty, which I do).
You want them to nap, just plan on a lot of activity to help her run it off when you get there. Napping is one way of coping with the massive boredom.
Be prepared to play with and entertain your toddler during the entire trip, unless you're lucky and s/he naps for part of it. Have your spouse be prepared to trade off with this task.
On long flights, during the periods of no food-service activity, get up and walk up and down the aisle, again your spouse can trade off with this. We've found that most people on the plane prefer this by far to having a crying child. Lots of people will lean over and coo or smile at the little one. Keep it up until s/he gets bored and wants to sit down.
Plan on focusing on the kid the entire trip. We've been flying with our son since he was 18 months old, on the average of one long airplane trip (cross country at least as far as Portland to Denver) every 1 1/2 years, plus plenty of long driving trips, so, for what it's worth...
Babies And Toddlers Eating In Flight Bring all the favorite snacks (and lots of them) in plastic snap cups; the airplane food may not prove to be especially palatable to your tot's tastebuds.
Have some snacks, like cereal or cheese and cracker packets, etc; and some extra closable tippy cups or bottles filled with non-perishable liquids. Don't forget the wet wipes to help clean up.
Whatever you do...DO NOT wake him up to eat! If you're lucky, he'll nod off during takeoff. My son sacked out on the runway. I mistakenly woke him up when lunch was served...and had to deal with him the rest of the way...
Practical advice: order a kid's meal in advance, then insist on getting it for him once you're on the plane. I don't know about other airlines, but United contracts with McDonalds to provide kid meals. You need to order it at least 48 hours in advance, and I'd do it sooner.
I'll admit that I also packed emergency bribes like cookies and rice krispie treats.
If you need to get warm water for bottles, ask the flight attendants at least a few minutes before you think you will need it. Otherwise somebody's law says that just as the kids are getting whiney, there is no-one to help you.
Diaper Changing In Flight I never even attempted to change his diaper in the washrooms. The steward put a blanket down on the floor at the back of the plane for me to use whenever I wanted to give him a diaper change.
There are almost always one or two bathrooms on the plane with changing tables. Last year, I flew to England with the kids on my own when with a *very* newly toilet trained daughter. I swear I spent most of the flight in the bathroom or walking to and from it.
Use overnight diapers. First, except when poop happens, you can keep them on longer than you do the ordinary ones, so you don't have to visit those rickety lavatory changing tables too frequently. Second, we've found that our daughter seems to drink more and wet more on airplanes. We took her on a 1.5 hour flight to Florida once. We'd changed her diaper right before boarding the plane, so we were completely shocked when we arrived and discovered she'd soaked right through her clothes and the pad on her car seat. We thought it was a fluke, so we did nothing different on the flight home. It happened again. We finally learned our lesson: these days we put an overnight on her, no matter how long the flight will be, and we can count on it to last for at least three hours -- longer if she's sleeping.
Take-offs and landings I have always been told that you should nurse them on take off and landings, but the seats are extremely small and nursing a long baby I found was rather difficult while trying to be discreet.
The 2.5 yo will probably be awake for take-offs and landings, but the 15 mo may be asleep. The flight attendants may or may not be correct when they tell you to wake a child for take-off and landing so they can suck or drink. For some kids this is probably better, but both of my kids did better (as infants, anyway) when they were asleep with a pacifier.
Take lollipops, or pacifiers, or baby bottles, or closable tippy cups, or something for your child to suck on or drink out of during take-off and landing. (Landing is the worst -- it takes longer.) This helps the ears adjust to the pressure changes.
This reminds me, we always make sure our daughter doesn't have too much ear wax. She gets severe ear ache with ear wax at take offs and landings.
Parenting Techniques In Flight One couple on the plane had four children which seemed to be about 6, 4, 2-3 and 3 weeks old! They tried to get seating seating either directly behind the emergency door or by the bulkhead so that their kids could play on the floor directly in front of them without bothering the other passengers. They also really let their kids do whatever they wanted, within reason. The kids walked up and down the aisles a lot and would even sit on the floor and play. They brought LOTS of colouring books etc., but at the same time didn't expect a young child to sit in their seats TOO long.
There was a little boy on the flight who must have been about 4 or 5. He was basically confined to his seat. He had finally had enough and started crying. His mother's solution to stop him crying was to hit him. I just don't understand that logic at all!
The other parents, who only had one child around 4-5 years old, had an awful time. They wouldn't let their daughter move around too much and demanded that she sit quietly in her seat. They also didn't come equipped with a lot of crafty stuff. The kid went bonkers! Rule number one - try to avoid a power struggle with your child in a plane. The fellow passengers would rather see your child playing quietly in the middle of the aisle than hear her child throwing a raving temper tantrum because you a making her sit in her seat. A plane is probably the only place where I'd let the baby do what she wanted as long as she was not disrupting the other passengers.
We just got back from a NY trip, and luckily the flight wasn't full, so we were able to sit on opposite sides of the plane, with empty seats around us, so our daughter could go back and forth between us. I think having the earphones for the movie helped, too!
Medications In Flight I normally try to minimize medicating the kids, but I'll admit that (until our daughter was 3) I gave them decongestant and tylenol before flights. I just wanted to reduce the chances that their ears would give them trouble.
And, when you get there, a prophylactic dose of Tylenol deals with any muscle cramps, and that might also get her to sleep...
Do drugs. Oh, I know, I know, it's a little inflammatory to say this and it is a Your Mileage May Vary kind of thing, but really, lots of people give their kids Dramamine or Benadryl or tylenol or cough syrup for long (esp red-eye flights) and it can truly Transform The Experience of long flights. WARNING: try this at home first so you don't get a reverse reaction! A few kids will "wired" from these drugs instead of sleepy.
Bulkhead Seating - Advantages And Disadvantages With Little Ones We always get bulkhead seats. That way, if the baby's going to bounce around in a crash, she's not going very far away (forward, anyway). We always strap her into a spare seat or seat her back against the bulkhead for takeoff and landing--the big risky times.
When we flew to England last Christmas the baby was only about 4 1/2 months old. She slept *all* the way there (it was the first time she slept through the night! - bless her) and on the way back we got bulkhead seating. For a little child this is probably the best arrangement. We had tons of room and we just plopped her on the floor on her lambskin for 7 hrs. The plane was 2/3 empty (it was New Years day) and the flight attendants were so enthralled with her that they took turns walking her up and down the aisles. There were a few other parents who also walked miles on that plane!
We opted for the bulkhead seats and they worked out really well for us. There was enough room for him to sit or stand.
I don't like the bulkhead seats because there is not place to store you 'stuff' except up above. I don't want to put the diaper bag, etc. so far out of reach. Also, the arm rests do not move in the bulkhead seats, preventing a child to stretch out between two seats, as well as making car seat installation a bit trickier.
Unfortunately, many airplanes (757 and others) have the emergency exits in the bulkhead rows and no children under 15 can sit there. Galling but true.
I wouldn't get the bulkhead bassinets as they are a disadvantage because you are not able to pull the arms up. I found with a child being able to sprawl over many seats is an advantage. When I was able to get a spare seat I would put up the arm rests and have a good rest. The more room to move the better. I loved the Singapore airlines planes with the videos on the back of the seats. They were a life saver and I will only go with that sort of plane next time.
Jet Lag Tried and True methods for avoiding/minimizing the effect of jet lag are to:
I have flown the baby in my small plane several times. The real key here is to have a seat for the baby so you can strap her in her own car seat. You won't be able to let her crawl around like you can on a bigger plane. Those dash 8s are small, I'm pretty sure, and may not even have side-by-side seats. And during climbs and descents you'll have to strap her in.
You might want to try putting earplugs in her ears. You can cut those yellow spongy earplugs in half lengthwise and use them. But if that doesn't work, don't worry much about it. Long-term exposure could cause hearing damage, but one or two flights aren't much of a problem. The flight will be short, at least. Take snacks and bottles for distractions.
I have flown on Dash 8's with my son at 3, 6, and 11 months. These are actually pretty roomy; there are two seats on each side of the aisle, and most people can stand up fully. The seats right behind the engines (which are on the wings) are the noisiest - sit up front if you can. I found that the noise, though not horribly loud, did tend to distract him - - which made it awkward to try and nurse, especially during takeoff. Since he did fine with a bottle, I just brought one with some water (so no worries about refrigeration) and offered that instead.
We were on a propeller plane and it actually kind of rocked the baby to sleep. The HMMMMMMMM engine noise and the rocking made her happy, and the noise level in the plane kept me from caring if she made any noise. So while prop planes are not the greatest it worked for me.
Childcare While On Vacation Especially for parents traveling with toddlers: think about bringing a nanny or a teenager along to help out with the kids. You will have more time to relax and enjoy your vacation if you are able to split the childcare with someone else, especially someone your kids already know and trust. Some people pay for the nanny's vacation, and no extra salary; some split the costs and pay salary. Another option is to travel with another family and split childcare between you, so you and DH can manage a few evenings out alone together. Some vacation resorts also offer babysitting and nanny services on site. If you're not staying in a resort, check the local directories for professional child care services before getting there.
General Tips Booking Airfare:
Boarding:
In Flight:
Statistics: Safety seats required on planes would likely save one baby per decade, statistically. But perhaps up to 9 per decade would die if they chose to drive instead of pay for the seat. As to turbulence, usually 58 persons are injured in commercial aircraft each year, per Linda Hall Daschle, in the US alone. The standard statistic on airline safety is that you could fly once a day, every day, for 21,000 years before dying in an airplane crash. That's death, not a "mere" injury. That's if you are belted.Read the accounts of the mothers whose babies did not survive the Iowa City crash (United Airlines lost hydraulics; 100+ killed, but many survivors.) Lap babies did not survive. Repeat, lap babies in the same section as restrained babies, with equal statistical probability of outcome, do not survive.The ONLY reason that the FAA has not mandated the use of car seats on planes is that they fear more persons will then drive, and driving is riskier than flying. And, statistically, the type of person who risks the lap-child is also more prone to riskier behavior, such as speeding, not buckling the child up in a carseat, etc. The ONLY reason that airlines have not pushed for the use of car seats is that in a lawsuit you are not going to get much for a baby. There's no proven earnings potential. The baby does not usually provide an income for anyone. So they are not afraid.
Surviving a Plane Crash: Most people don't know that you generally survive the actual plane crash. I'm not talking Locherbie or TWA 800 (those are blow-ups in mid-air) or 737 Yaw Damper problems (Pittsburgh US Air crash.)Generally, it's the fire and fumes that get you. Imagine if you are with a lap child and that child has flown out of your arms. No way will you be able to old on to him/her at hundreds of miles an hour. Now you have to not only save yourself but LOOK for your child, in a panicky state. Now imagine if the plane crashes and you know where the child is. In most crashes a row of seats will remain intact (because of the way they are welded.) That's why you will also hear that row X survived but not row K... but rarely is it that adjacent seats have different outcomes. Also you are likely to have the entire bank of seats ripped out or thrown/hanging upside down. Much easier to get out of the seat in relative safety if you and your child are strapped down. Takeoff and landing are the most dangerous times. Don't be distracted during those minutes. I always keep my wits about me and know exactly how many seats away the exits are. Teach your older kids this, so that when (IF!) it gets dark in that cabin, and smoky, you can feel your way to an exit if necessary! One very important thing to do is to make sure that your child is wearing non-flammable clothing and that you yourself are wearing natural fibers. The polyesters will melt, catch fire, and, this is gross, fuse to your skin. Most importantly wear sturdy non-synthetic shoes. Don't wear shorts, wear pants to cover your knees so that you will hurt less when crawling. You will need to crawl because the fumes are hot and rise, hence the poisonous gases are up higher too. Why poisonous gases? All the materials in the cabin (seat and wall covers) are synthetic, i.e. petroleum based and toxic when super-heated.
Passports I recently submitted applications for my girls at the DC Passport Office. I asked the passport specialist about adding babies to parents' passports, and was told that although they allowed this 10 years ago for babies under a year old, that it is no longer an option.Currently ALL CHILDREN of ALL AGES are required to hold their own passports for international travel. Cost for each application is $40, regular service is returned in 2-3 weeks via mail. They are good for 5 years. Children need not be present in the office. A certified birth certificate is required. Adult passport fees are $60, good for 10 years. Expedited service (returned in 3 days) is available for an additional $35, if you are traveling within the week (need proof of travel).
When to leave We usually leave obscenely early especially for longer trips. By early I mean 3 or 4am. The kids are usually awake for a little while, but eventually they fall back asleep. This way the trips gets broken up a bit.
We did the middle of the night trip once and it went fairly well. Just keep the sunshade handy. Now that the baby faces forward the headlights of oncoming cars pretty much hit at her eye level. I finally figured out that was the source of her frustration with night travel.
I second the opinion of leaving very very early. When preparing for a long trip with my girls if I am by myself or with DH - I dress them for bed the night before in something that I can just pick them up and set them in the car. When they were very young I could sometimes get away with them not even waking up! If we leave by 4:00am I can usually get a few hours of driving in before they really even wake, then a stop for breakfast - at some fast food place with a play yard - where we use the bathroom to get changed, then eat breakfast and play for awhile - a good long break from the car. Then back in and off we go
I know some people really splurge and buy the small TVs that have a built in VCR that plus into your cigarette lighter.
I split the toys between the front and back seats. A sack full stays next to her on either side of the car seat. My daughter enjoys reaching in and grabbing them. When she gets bored with that I start pulling from my pile up front. The larger toys and bigger books have proven a better option as she can actually keep them above the armrest and handle them more easily.
I keep my daughter's favorite blanket in one of the sacks. Even when she's not tiredshe enjoys just resting her head on it and it quiets her immediately. This usually does lead to an eventual nap, although the last trip she went for a couple hours just pulling on the tag and snuggling with it.
Music is a good option recommended by another mom. I have some of my daughter'sfavorite tapes, including one that sings her name repeatedly in every song. It always quiets her down. I have found, however, that some trips she just won't quiet down to anything but a voice so I would suggest taking along books on tape, sermons, whatever, or try a talk radio station.
Pack little goodie bags (toys, books, snacks) that get opened at the rate of 1 per half hour. Start putting away some of the kid's toys in preparation for the trip, so that they seem new. That way the kids are always looking forward to something. Insist that they not open any bag ahead of time.
We have been making the 5-hour trek to my parents' once or twice a month since winter ended. I usually choose the route that involves a ferry ride across Puget Sound, to break up the trip, but that can backfire if you miss the boat by a few cars and have to wait an hour for the next one!
Oh yeah - those electronic toys (some are attached to books) that play tunes or make animal sounds - those keep the baby happy for long stretches. They make me nuts most of the time, but in the car I'll put up with the obnoxious sound effects!
The baby usually naps a lot in the car, but it doesn't seem to affect his regular sleeping pattern much as long as he can be active for a while after we arrive.
This weekend I found an child's keyboard at a garage sale and he loved "playing" and pushing the buttons when we drove around with errands. The nice thing about the keyboard is that you would normally want to sit down to play it anyways, so being in a car seat is not a hindrance (unlike cars or balls where you can play much better outside the seat).
Stop at the rest stops and let the kids play a bit along the way.
We always buy our daughter a new toy for each trip. This last time I got her a book on how to make things with pipe cleaners. She did that for 1.5 hours STRAIGHT. She's older but something 'new' has always worked. We found that when she was younger, we would travel early/late when she was sleeping and go as long as we could. Now that she is older, we travel when it is convenient and stop whenever we like. We find that if we make lots of stops and delay the trip by a couple of hours, it really seems shorter.
Our daughter travels 2 hours a day with us to work, she reads a lot of books and also likes the little puzzle things, you know, where you push the little triangular pieces around and it makes different pictures. Also, flying her sipper cup and other objects around on the ceiling of the car seems especially diverting, sometimes for 15 minutes at a time! ( weird, I know...). Books with interesting shapes and holes in them are a hit. We put books, toys, and snacks in a box next to the car seat so she can rummage through it while riding. At night, the lighted mirror is interesting, and a small dim flashlight it fun, too.
We have variations on truck naming to help him learn new concepts: big truck, red truck, fire truck, etc. Also motorcycles and bicycles are very popular.
My daughter colors in the car. Of course we now have lots of melted crayons and tons of scraps of papers in the back seat.
We all LOVE Rafi music and generally play along with maracas, bells, a toddler's tambourine, etc. My daughter really puts A LOT of energy in "shaking her booty" and the instrument at hand. It tends to exhaust her as any "dionysian frenzy" would. Sleep follows, mercifully.
The only thing that works is frequent stops at McDonalds. We stop every two hours and let him see the kids playing in the play area and take him on walks around the building. There is always a lot of action at McDonalds, so it seems to work better than Wendys (our favorite fast food) or Carl's Junior. When he is older, we'll insist he play in the play area (imagine the torture that will be for him ;-). We also have a lot of toys in the car (he prefers the musical ones so we can switch toys a lot but that doesn't really seem to help).
Oh, I almost forgot, the Disney Music Album (the ones with the songs from when we were little), worked wonders on our last trip. He did a four hour road trip with almost no screaming as long as we had this tape on (which we enjoyed also because it is songs from when we were younger). The other albums do not work for us at all. There are four of these Disney albums (they were originally recorded 20 years ago, but they are available on CD) and I am going to order all four.
Books on tape. We have found everything from Dr. Seuss to Charlie Brown. Usually pick them up at a store called "Big Lots" - they are also called "Odd Lots" in other parts of the country. They come with a little paperback book, and a tape of someone reading (or even better ACTING) the story. I found, after much trial and error, that the best way to keep up with them is to staple a Ziplock bag to the back cover of the book, and "zip" the tape into that bag - that way they stay together pretty easily. We picked up a toddler "walkman" WITH (and this is IMPORTANT) one of those little buttons inside the battery door that lets you crank down the volume so they can't blast their little eardrums into the next state.
A mini-sized Magna Doodle (like an etch-a-sketch, but with a magnetized pen instead of those awkward knobs).
Try the Fisher Price talk-back mirror. It repeats whatever the child says. My son LOVED this for at least 2 years and we made sure it was in the car on every long car ride. Five hours to N.J. from Boston can make for a VERY long ride with a toddler.
Food and Drinks Lay a large towel or blanket across the back seat to capture crumbs other "debris".
I pack the front seat with the food supplies: water and milk in a cooler, crackers (the cheerios frustrate her as she drops them more often than she gets them eaten), pop tarts, her frozen teething ring. These get distributed as needed.
She also makes sure she has plenty of water (no juice or anything that would make a mess if it spilled) for the kids and snacks.
I have found those no-spill drink cups to be great for car travel. Especially the Rubbermaid ones with the straws and flip-up tops (the spill proof ones are shaped like animals). The baby (18 mos) can get them to drip a bit if he turns them upside down and shakes them persistently - but the soaking spills are avoided. (Of course, he hasn't figured out that thetop unscrews yet!) We usually stick to water while the car is moving, and save the juice and milk for stops where I can supervise a bit more closely. Rice cakes are good - they're messy, but are large enough to last a while.
One more thing, I got a tip from someone that worked great at that age. If you feed them small snacks, like teddy grahams, put them a couple in Easter eggs. It takes them a few minutes to get the eggs open and stretch out a 5 minute snack to 20 or 30 minutes. Plus it entertains.
Diaper changes Plan on at least one stop for the diaper change, stretch, etc. Schedule it so it comes before you know they'll hit the wall of fatigue, hunger or frustration. I have found motel lobbies are great places to stop as they provide clean bathrooms and changing stations and plenty of safe, open space to roam. And pack the car so that you can easily access thestroller, assuming you'll need the bathroom break as well and may end up at theMcDonalds. Very frustrating to realize you either have to hang on to the kid or unpack to free the stroller.
If your trunk isn't full (or filthy), my daughter thinks it is great fun to get her diaper changed while laying in the trunk! It also makes a fun and safe place to play (to keep her out of the parking lot) while doing some small task (like loading groceries).
Upon arrival I have found it best not to place any demands on her when we first arrive. I don't push her into social situations immediately, head straight for the restaurant, expect her to sleep, etc. She just gets some down time to stretch and readjust to the new environment, explore, play, whatever, and she usually does fine.
Traveling with more than one child Traveling with 1 child is definitely harder than with 2 kids. Mine are now 6 and 2 and they definitely keep each other occupied. We haven't reached the arguing stage yet.
Everything is pre-placed in the car to be within easy reach of the older kids. The 6yo helps out with the baby things.
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