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"Empty Nest" Blues
get envovled in the school join p.t.a. help the teacher in the class room. be a room mom
Go over your children's homework with them every afternoon as soon as they get home. The time spent together shows your child that you care and it also gives you time to feel connected to the days they have away from home.
I have a daughter who started JK this year. I decided I won't be too upset, it's her time to grow and learn more, my time to get things done around the house, or to just plain, go back to bed! I am enjoying her newfound freedom!
My daughter graduated from college and moved an hour and a half away. My son just left for college that is three hours away. I cried alot and lost a couple pounds (which was nice) but I realized that I have wonderful kids. My son left me a CD in the car, it was by Kenny Rogers-called The Greatest. It is about a little baseball player who never gives up. I treasure this and it sent me a message about the determination my son has. My daughter left me a card telling me how much she appreciated all of our help and support and that she is the person that she is because of the examples we set. So whenever I start feeling sad, I remember what fantastic kids I have and have to smile!
I felt very insecure because my son was 12 years old and we sent him to a boarding schooll abroad. But after I met with the matron and the houseparents of the boarding schooll and met other parents who had their children in the same boarding school, I felt more confident that our son is in a reliabel hands and in good environment. And also, thanks to communication technology, we can communicate witj our son through telephone or e-mail.
I think it was hareder on me when my daugther started school. She was great companionship & a perfect excuse for me not to be in the "working world".
I have three children: 21,19, and 16. My husband died in 1994, and have done my best to have a good relationship with my children. It hasn't been easy, but I think I have some pretty good kids. My son who is 19 started college this year at a local community college. He is finding it difficult, but is managing. My daughter who is 16 is going to take some classes at college next semester. Time seems to have flown by since they were little. I miss having small children around, but am not crazy enough to start all over again. Besides I am not really even dating anyone. I hope my kids are prepared for the real world. I want the best for them, but also realize that they have to want it for themselves. That is the hardest part of letting go. To realize that they will be all right, and if they are not that you can be there to listen, but not to fix it for them. They have to learn how to fix things for themselves. I think it is hardest right now, because they are just starting to be on their own. With time it should be easier to let go and let them live their lives the best way they know how.
I think all the newsletters that I have just read were great its a lot into raising children to I"m a mom of three boys agea 15 11 5 and mthere are days I wish their bodies were already in college , I also know when that day comes I'll be crying none stop so, I'll enjoy these days now. k.m
Is there anyone that feels like they have always been a mother and are concerned that when their children grow up and leave, they won't know what to do with themselves? The fear is great and I would like to know how others cope with this feeling.
Dear Darlene,
Darlene and Laurey
I have a son 25 who still lives with his stepfather and me. We have never had problems with him, he isnt into the drug scene, alcohol, all in all he is a good boy. But I cant let go I am so afraid of letting him go out into the world on his own, not that I dont think he could; but it scares me what might happen to him; help me.
What of your fears of letting go joannie? He is a grown man. When I thought of my son leaving when he was sixteen I use to cry alot. When he told me he was moving out at the age of 20 I had a month where I cried. But in a sense it was a relief. Because I knew that we had good communication and I knew that I had instilled in him good values and I knew he had good common sense and I also knew that it was time for him to open his wings and fly. You cannot protect them forever...just know that you have done your best. The greatest gift my parents gave me was that they allowed me to fall on my face..but were there if I needed the support to get it back together...By the way just for the record...these days when they leave home...they are like boomerangs...they always seem to come back when they are in transition...LOL. In order to let him go you must first look at yourself and do some inner work. By letting him go..you will allow yourself to start a new phase in your life. It is scary at first...but it is also exciting discovering new aspects of yourself. You are more than your son's mother, you are more than a wife to your husband. You are a FABULOUS woman. Go out an discover yourself.
What of your fears of letting go joannie? He is a grown man. When I thought of my son leaving when he was sixteen I use to cry alot. When he told me he was moving out at the age of 20 I had a month where I cried. But in a sense it was a relief. Because I knew that we had good communication and I knew that I had instilled in him good values and I knew he had good common sense and I also knew that it was time for him to open his wings and fly. You cannot protect them forever...just know that you have done your best. The greatest gift my parents gave me was that they allowed me to fall on my face..but were there if I needed the support to get it back together...By the way just for the record...these days when they leave home...they are like boomerangs...they always seem to come back when they are in transition...LOL. In order to let him go you must first look at yourself and do some inner work. By letting him go..you will allow yourself to start a new phase in your life. It is scary at first...but it is also exciting discovering new aspects of yourself. You are more than your son's mother, you are more than a wife to your husband. You are a FABULOUS woman. Go out an discover yourself.
My only son is leaving for college next week. I have already spent the summer crying on and off. He is only 17, but very bright, and will be going to a college that is a very good school but 10 hours from home. I can barely write this without the urge to cry. I know what I face, the empty nest syndrome. It seems that nothing could occupy my time better than having him around the house or just showing up for dinner or just asking how his day was when he finally comes home at night. I am so sad but I say that with a smile because I realize that it's part of being a mother. I don't know what I will do when he is finally at school. I suppose I could throw myself into my work, books, writing, or some other pursuit that would only mimic the usefulness i feel as a mother. What would you do?
I'm a mother of 3 sons .Their ages are 6,10 ,11.And my youngest just started kindergarten.How do you help him cope with being away from home for the first time . I was a stay home MOM and he is so use to being with me .He has cried just about every day since school has started. If anyone has any comments please let me know.
Hi,
My son is 17, my daughter 21. I am not in charge, I do not initiate our interactions. It's almost negative-DON'T push, DON'T question, DON'T interfere. My daughter calls especially when she is unhappy or worried. My job is to reassure her that her judgment is good, that she is capable, that her father and I don't disapprove of either choice she is considering. My job with my son is to settle for grunts and wait another year of two for him to ask any question except, "What's for dinner?"
my second child (a daughter), is starting her second quarter at a university about 3 hours away from home. she is rooming with the girl next door, they grew up together. when she comes home from school, she is rarely "at home", she seems to always need to be with her girlfriend. i try not to say much, but it hurts inside. i feel that i play such a small part in her life now. she seems uncomfortable being home, and seems to want to rush off quickly. i'm trying to build a life for myself, and with my husband (her dad), but it's tough. i go between understanding what is going on to crying my eyes out from insecurity about what lies ahead. this daughter and i were once close, and i think that we still are, but i am very unsure of the relationship we have now. any advice?
All this is great, but nobody has given any ideas or things to do except go out and discover yourself. How do you go about doing that. You've spent the last 20 years raising children and 25 years being a wife. Our oldest son is in the military and married with a son. Our second is in college 1200 miles away. My husband has always been a work-a-holic for as long as I've known him. Our children and horses have kept me sane. Now I know longer have our children and we sold all of our horses (cause we didn't want to be tied down in our older years). Now what!
get a life and get over it
All these comments are great (except mikes) but how does a single mother deal with her only daughter leaving for college? Every single (yes every single) book that deals with Empty Nest Syndrome expects you to have a spouse. Even books on single mothers don't talk about the children leaving for college. I feel alone and scared. Scared for my daughter and scared for myself. What if I get sick and collapse...who will be there to catch me? What do I do at night...eating alone breaks my heart. My daughter has experienced everything I have in the divorce and now she will be leaving me. There aren't any books or columns that deal with this. Doesn't anybody have any advice for a truely "Empty Nest?"
I am not in your shoes so I can only attempt to be of help. My last baby just started kindergarden I was afraid I would sit around and get depressed but I have done real well. I do what I want when I want and am volunteering at the school part of the time so I am dealing with this better than I thought I would. I have not worked for around 13 years, I have been a stay at home mom for all this time and now my last one is at school and I just turned forty so I was really afraid of how I would handle it but it really has worked out fine so far. Anyway I bet you are frightned in your situation I know I would be. I can only say if you put your faith in God he will be there to help hold you up and to provide you with a sense of peace. Tell him all your troubles and believe that he will make everything all right He will make all things work for the best for those who believe. Also have faith in yourself you can handle it, help someone in need or maybe find someone else who is lonely too. Now I am not suggesting a relationship for the sake of romance necessarily just another human being who is in need too. Anyway thats my advise for what its worth I truly hope I have been of some help. Good luck
My parents are empty nesters now, and they are enjoying it by host an INTERNATIONAL HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT. They love staying involved with all their friends and going to games etc. Besides all that our family has learned so much from hosting from 6 different countries, and now they have traveled to germany to visit their new sons family.
AYUSA International's number is 1-877-283-5470 or visit their website www.ayusa.org
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