Having a Second Child

I had a hard time with daughter number 1 when she was an infant and then became extremely close to her from age 10 months on. When her sister was born when she was 22 months, I had thoughts about how to love them equally.
Now I realize that they are completely seperate entities, with totally different personalities and I love them for who they are in their own very special way.
Love for your children is boundless, if I have 10 I would love them all equally in 10 different ways.

I most enjoy watching them interact, even when they fight -- that's part of life too, and I think sibling friendship, love and rivalry all teach important things to a child.
In the real world you have to deal with others who are or are not like you -- this is, in my mind just early relationship training.
I do try to enforce in them that they are sisters and will always have each other when their father and I are no longer here or friends are not around.
I have two brothers, but somehow ALREADY, I can see the differences in the relationship between sister and brother and sister and sister.
And I get to re-live my life (in a very small sense) through them and their experiences.

Some days when things are frazzled and I'm unorganized I wonder why I keep the career focus going.
But then sometimes I have these days when the job is going well, and my children seem so happy and well adjusted -- everything is 'in flow'
and I feel totally un-stoppable and so very lucky to have this life with so many different and wonderful facets to it!

-- Karen

As a mother of three grown children, having read most of the answers written about by mothers who are in the midst of raising their children, may my answer to this question give encouragement and hope. Life certainly does change with a second child there is no doubt. I too was a full-time working mother while raising our three sons, but I can tell you now that they are grown that every single hectic day was worth it! Hang in there! Enjoy every day and please KNOW that they will pass so quickly and you will not even remember how hectic it was. You will only remember the most precious moments, the good times and the times of love and fun. You will hardly remember the times you lost your temper and the best news is this -- neither will your children! Love truly does "cover a multitude of sins." So, love your children every moment - each one of them individually and during together times as well. Truly our lives are but a vapor, as you will see. Slow down and simplify -- it's possible!
-- Annette

We're thinking about whether or not to have a third - I'm 38 so we don't have much time for dallying. We have two girls, 7 and 3. Life is so hectic (both work full-time 50 hours plus, 2hours commuting by train each day) I wonder could I physically do it.... any others out there?
Vera

-- Vera

I never thought i could love another child as much as my first,my son. My daughter was born twenty months apart from her brother and through out the pregnancy i still took baths (waist or thigh high of water) with him so my growing body wasn't off limits to his curiousity. every evening i continued to read him his bedtime stories and allowed for him to kiss his baby good night. The first day home the baby was placed into his awkward hands and after about fifteen seconds he shoved her away. The first four months is hard because of dependency. now that my first is wanting his sister to be a buddy, and playmate they act like cats. loving, and rolling, touching each other and at other times, fighting too. what ever you give to one, you must give to the other which includes tangible items and also your time and attention. my bed at night is very crowded which has created a need for spooning with someone bigger than three feet. going to the grocery store isnt just a quick trip anymore. child care and the expense is a killer. I think i am busy enough with the two that i really want to enjoy them. it may be a long while before we try to have other children. i just cant imagine having any more love in me that isnt already being poured onto the three most important people in my life.
-- ruth

well, I am single mom to 2 adopted children. Jessica is 30 mos and Joshua 6 months. Both arrived home at the age of 6 weeks. Jessica was 25 months when Joshua arrived and had already been months that we have been talking/discussing about having another baby.

We live in Vietnam where I work as an expatriate manager. We have a pretty comfortable lifestyle with a company car and driver and living-in helper.

Despite this, I must admit that having a second child adds more work. Others mention "maintaining" the kids. It is true, especially when one works. I spent much more time with my first child, reading stories, I was more there for her in the various stages of her development and I find myself relying more on the creche staff to do that with the second one. I love both of them tremendously but I must admit that I have a special bonding with my elder child (maybe because she is a girl).

It is just great to see the 2 of them together, especially when the elder one kisses and cajoles the little one. Sometimes the little one "complains" when his sister is holding him too tightly or brushes her hair against his face but his face does lights up whenever he hears the word "Sister" or hears his sister's name.

Having 2 kids is alot of work but it is also such a blessing and nothing can replace the joy they bring.




-- Bernadette

My first child lives with his father and has for so long that it is hard to imagine uprooting him from that environment to come into mine. It is not that I don't want my son with me but I don't want to hurt him by moving him agasin. It seems like I am off the beat with all of this stuff but I am getting to a point. I want a second child, another chance to be a mother. I am very young and I know that I could wait but I really don't want to, I am afraid that if I wait too long I won't have the opportunity I have right now. If it is in your heart to become a parent again, then I encourage you to go for it, you will not regret it.
-- michelle

I am expecting my second child and have a 4 year old son. The father (current boyfriend) is not the father of my first born but has been in his life since he was 1.5 years old. I have explained to my son that Mommy's having a baby and he seems very excited. He has predicted that it is a "baby sister" and he will seems eager to be a big brother. The new baby will obviously call her Dad, "Daddy", but my son calls him by his name. I'm wondering if that will cause any confusion for either and should I allow my son to call him "Daddy" also. (His biological father is not and has never been present and it's likely to remain that way) Instincts tell me to leave things the way they are and let my son do what makes him feel comfortable. He views my boyfriend as a "father-figure" and includes him in our family circle. Maybe later I'll see if he wants to switch to the "Daddy" label because the baby will be saying it, or if he'll just continue with what he's been doing thus far.
-- Shae

Iam always postponning having my second child. I feel also guilty about it-
-- silvi

well it will be i little difficult i think but i think i can handle a second child because i want another one but i want a girl hopefully every thing will turn out striaght because u know once theirs a 2 the other gets jealous and thinks u are paying them no attention but i will pay them both attention at all times
-- teresa

I have one three-year old son, and I always thought I would want more. At this point I'm not sure - I'm enjoying him so much now that he's talking and playing, I can't imagine going back to diapers and midnight feedings. The problem is that I have a brother and sister, and I can't imagine growing up without them!! We have always been really close, and I want my son to experience that. Also, my husband is an only child, and he's a total mama's boy (I hate to say it, but it's true,) and sometimes I feel like he was so pampered, he never learned to get along with others the way most people do.
-- Tricia

Life becomes a lot more hectic and you may find that no 1 becomes much more attached to mommy and regresses slightly. My daughter was 27 months old when her brother was born and she loves him to bits but she still wants mommy all the time and I am finding it impossible to get her to give up her bottle. She also finds it hard to accept that she must wait a while when she wants something and I am busy with her brother - so it becomes a bit of a tug of war.
-- Kim

My husband and I have an almost 3 year old girl and a 1 year old boy and life has really changed I'd say mostly for our daughter. Besides the fact that she is going through the " terrific two's" :) it seems that she is also going through some other changes : not the only one getting mom and dad's attention anymore, someone else is playing with my toys :), etc. I wonder if her "terrific two's" is being magnified by the above mentioned struggles she is having. Any comments, suggestions would be greatly appreciated! :)


-- clem

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djkhdfgkjhdfslkjhvcm,n.,hgkjhkjgdfhvnc,mnvjhdfukhguiryetjfdknkcvjnkldjhfguiyerthdfkjhgkdsjhgklsfyguiydfsiu
oh yeah man are the scum of the earth
-- quinita

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