Thank you, Single Moms

by Stephanie Ingram

I would like to pay a tribute to the women that I know are truly responsible people; those who really know what the word responsibility actually means: The Single Mom. You deserve overwhelming credit for the terrific, hard, tiring and loving work that you do for your children.

I, like you, know the ups and downs of single parenting. The hard times when the money just doesn't go far enough, the times when you have to work late to make the money that doesn't go far enough, the guilt associated with working late because you can't be at home with your children.

I know about the tears cried late at night because you hurt. You hurt from things done to you in the past, you hurt because there doesn't seem to be anyone there for you now. There isn't someone you can turn to late at night to hold you when you are sad or just to talk with. The bone rattling, soul-wrenching hurt that you just can't put into words because you feel "If one more thing goes wrong ..."

The regrets of "if only." If only I had come home earlier, I could have tucked my children in and read the bedtime story I have been promising. If only I wasn't so tired, I could get some more housework done. If only I had more money, I could buy them that (fill in the blank) that they want or need so badly. And all the other "if only's ..."

The arrows slung at you that cut you to your soul. The damage done from someone talking to you about goals and dreams as if you have none, while you sit there knowing that part of your goals and your dreams are upstairs waiting to be tucked in for the night and receive their good night kiss and "I love you". The realization that because you have children, it is automatically assumed that you have no personal goals or dreams of your own.

The disappointment you feel every time you make the choice to go out with someone new only to hear the destructive words "Oh! You have kids ..." You know at that very moment that the phone will not ring for a second date. (But let's face it, when would you have had time for the second date anyway? Miracles were performed in order for you to be able to go on the first one).

The anger, the "it's not fair's," the "why is this happening to me's."

The times when you hide. You hide in the bathroom or the bedroom knowing that if you hear "Mommy, can I ..." one more time, you will surely lose what is left of your sanity. Hiding not only from your children, but from yourself as well. You hide from having to face the fact that you are alone, you hide from having to look at that last load of laundry you didn't put in the wash, you hide from the dishes left in the sink. You hide in order to avoid seeing the look on people's faces when they are told that you are a single mom, as if you chose this or brought it upon yourself and your children.

The exhaustion at the end of the day when you get home only to realize that you did not clean up the breakfast dishes and have to do that before you can even start dinner. The overwhelming fatigue of trying to be everywhere for everyone at the same time. The mental breakdown of reason at the end of the day when you don't feel it is possible to string a complete sentence together in order to answer the 100th question of "Mommy, why ..." You know the ones I mean: "Why is the sky blue?" "Why is the grass green?" etc. And the questions only get harder as they get older.

The sacrifices made so that your child does not go without. All the things you give up in order to make sure they have the new pair of shoes needed. And not just any pair of shoes, the brand new Air Jordans or whatever shoe the popular athlete of the month is endorsing. The lunches skipped so they can go to the movies with their friends. The quiet time at the end of the night you give up in order to read "just five more pages" out of their favorite book. The homework of your own you put aside because you need to help them with theirs.

The nights you stay awake worrying. Worrying about your child's safety in this world of increasing violence. The nights you fall asleep on the couch, too exhausted to climb the stairs to your room only to be jarred awake at 2:30 in the morning in fear that your child will have a bad dream and not find you in your bed.

Of all these things, I know.

But, on the other hand, I also know the early morning still warm from sleep hugs and kisses when they sneak into the bed because they know mommy can kiss away the bad dream they just had. The sheer joy on the faces of our children when we surprise them with the "one thing they really wanted" that they just can't live without. The overwhelming love that pours from our hearts when our child(ren) out of nowhere walk up, give us a hug and say "I love you mommy, you're the best." The smile as you watch them sleeping, safe, tucked away warm in bed, under your care, knowing no one could ever take care of them like you can, no matter how hard it seems at times. And someday, when they have children of their own, they will know, too.

So thank you! Thank you on behalf of all the children who are too young or too stubborn to realize the selfless actions you take on their behalf. Thank you for caring enough to love your child(ren) with all your heart and taking on the real responsibility that only a single parent can know. I know you don't hear it enough, if at all, so again and again, thank you.

One more thing that I know — I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Family | Career | Art of Juggling | Single Moms | Health
Dad's Voice | Bookshelf | News | Recipes | Sports Mom | Discussion Lists
Business Directory | The Boards | Wisdom of Mothers | Postcards | Resources
Search | About Us | Contact Us |Advertising on the Refuge | Home

Copyright © 2000   Working Moms Refuge.