The Work Life of the Single Mom:
Surviving Unemployment

by Mary, Our H.R. Specialist

I'm a single mom and the sole provider in my household. Compared to many of you, I have it easy--only one child to support, two cats and a bunny. As a Human Resources professional, I have found, in the past, that many people are eager to learn from my experience. I'm glad to be able to provide a service in that arena to this site.

Most single moms experience a real need to increase their incomes. Many of us in the 90's have been downsized and sent into panic. Many of you could be laid off without warning. This is reality! It is important to avoid the panic as much as possible, and it is essential to be prepared. This column will publish a series of articles intended to help you secure good employment, advance in your careers, and be prepared to meet an unpredictable market-place on its' own terms.

As a single mom, your job (or "career" if you prefer) is, perhaps, the most significant element in the elaborate balancing act of survival. Many single moms are ill-prepared to face the job market. In the past, their lack of preparedness was compensated somewhat by family support and social programs. Now, social programs have been cut, we live away from our families, and our support systems are shaky at best. We have child care issues and financial difficulties in the best of times. But, when we're job-hunting, we are not experiencing the "best of times." I'll say it again: it is essential to be prepared.

There are many books out there to help you through the process of looking for a job. The best one I've seen is called Knock 'em Dead. (www.knockemdead.com) I used it several years ago after being "downsized" from a position and picked up a revised copy last year. Buy this book, or one like it, and buy it NOW! Then study it and use it. Even if you currently have a job, this resource will help you understand how to build a career that you can take with you, instead of leaving it behind with your vacant desk.

If you are gainfully employed, congratulations! Write your resume NOW. Your resume is a work plan for you - under construction - that should be constantly updated and revised. You can't be assured you'll have your job next week. If you have started to consider looking for a different job, get your resume prepared NOW. If you have lost your job and are beginning the search process, take heart. But get a good resume ready NOW. Getting the hint? Your resume is the foundation for your job hunt: not your only tool, but an important one. The best time to prepare one is when you don't think you need one. You're already late.

I'll address the unemployed single mom first. They're in the most vulnerable spot. The rest of you can apply everything here to your job situations, too.

BEWARE of distractions and mis-direction
Disorganization and procrastination when you've lost a job are probably your worst enemies. We tend to waste hours and energy worrying or tinkering. Nothing is accomplished by doing this. It's important to take control of the elements of your life over which you have some power. Focus on those elements, and let the other stuff go.

CONTROL your attitude
The first thing to bring under control when you're suddenly out of work, is your attitude.

• Feel your confidence. Yes, you are allowed to feel angry and hurt, but do it on your time. I'm certain you've heard this before, but I'll reinforce it: Looking for a job is a full-time job in itself. Don't poison the process with your fear and pain. Self-pity is too expensive to invest in now. If you really need to feel sorry for yourself, save it for after the kids have gone to bed.
• Practice saying positive things about your job experiences. Practice in front of a mirror until you believe them yourself. Practice as long as it takes to say them easily. Never say anything bad about your former employer on an interview. Never, never, never!
• Think of the things you have done right. Make lists of the victories and accomplishments you have earned, the obstacles you have overcome, and the in-roads you have made. Practice saying them until they roll off your tongue.

ASSESS your finances and tighten your belt
Do whatever you can to minimize expenses and make your resources last longer.

• This is not the time to take a vacation.
• You'll feel more secure if you restrict yourself to spending money only on absolute necessities. Let the kids know what's happening. Don't scare them, but explain that if no money comes in, none can go out. I've known folks who ran up massive credit card debt to maintain the facade that there were no financial problems connected to being out of work. The kids didn't appreciate it and the payback isn't worth it.
• If you feel like you just have to splurge, do it on a small scale. Buy a new color nail polish, get the kids some bubbles or a candy bar. Plan a night at home with microwave popcorn and a rented movie. Check your library and other community resources for free programs. Take advantage of everything that's free.
• Go to the unemployment office right away. Even if you have severance pay, you need to register right away and begin the process. There's usually a waiting period until you can collect, so the sooner you register, the sooner you may collect. Many of these offices have substantial resources to assist your job search: computers and computer training, copiers and fax machines, postings of open positions, schedules of seminars, job fairs and career counseling.

IDENTIFY a bail-out plan
When I'm out of money, I'm out of money. I don't have family to turn to, or at this point, any savings left. If I can plan to circumvent the worst-case scenario, I can control the panic I feel. Then, I'm much more capable of dealing with the process of the job hunt. Here's what I did when I was laid off:

• First, I identified friends who, if push came to shove, have the space to take us in. (We could live in the semi-finished basement of a friend.)
• I have also identified friends who would be able to loan us money to pay the rent, if necessary.
• Identify the things of value that you may have to sell. If you sell in a crunch, you never get the price you want. That rare coin you have been saving, the antique, the painting - a smart buyer will smell blood in the water if you are in a panic for money, so put them up for sale, now. You can always stall or say 'no' at the last minute, but only if you can get an offer. Be prepared to sell such things while you still have the room to maneuver.
• I have found companies who would hire me on a temporary basis when unemployment compensation is exhausted.
• If you find that you can handle the worst-case scenario, then there is no need for panic.

DEVISE a plan of attack

• Spruce up your resume. Have a second one in hand to travel a different path, if your experience or interests allow for it. Build a cover letter that you'll customize for each resume you send out. Know what kind of job you're qualified to do. Don't put an objective in the resume, save that for your customized cover letter.
• Talk to everyone you come in contact with. Neighbors, storekeepers, strangers on the bus, business contacts. This is called networking. You may be surprised to find out how helpful people are and how many of them have recently been in your dilemma. Everyone knows someone who is currently employed. Those are all possible links to your next job.
• Ask for the job. Employers quickly divide candidates into the "willing" and the "unwilling"--which one would you consider?
• Look up the web pages and news reports of potential employers and rehearse reasons why you would like to work for them. You are applying to the company and not to the job, so make yourself a candidate for the next job they are going to offer, as well.
• Never say 'no' to a job off the cuff. Pursue the job offer all the way until they have offered a starting date and a salary, then decide. Remember an offer doesn't mean you are obligated to take the job. Keep those options open.

Exercise "rumor control"

• Don't complain about your former employer(s). If you allow yourself to complain, you won't be able to maintain a positive, winning attitude. Think of what you learned there instead and use that in your favor.
• Filter good-intentioned advice. In networking, you'll get a lot of "help" that really isn't help at all. If you can't control the conversations you have, then control what you absorb from them. Disregard what anyone says about the job market. I was out of work in the awful draught of '91. Everyone expressed despair about the state of things, which only added to my fears. But, I still found a job. It wasn't easy, but if I listened to the nay-sayers, I wouldn't have even tried. When I was out of work in the booming job market of '97, everyone told me the outlook was bright. I felt guilty and unemployable when I didn't have multiple job offers right away. But, I did find a job - even though it was hard. The job market is great now, right? Well, I'm employed, at last, but it didn't come right away.

This process is never fun. It is an opportunity to learn more about yourself and the field in which you've chosen to work though. It is an opportunity to make important connections that you can maintain and use in your career progresses. It may even be an opportunity to pursue the kind of job that you will find fulfilling and enjoyable. It's not a bad process, really. It's just, well, inconvenient...(but survivable).

HR Mary is a single mother to a 12-year-old daughter, two cats, and a bunny. She's worked in the human resources field for 20 years, and is currently director of human resources for a children's media company.

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