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Keeping It All in Perspective

by Susan Farrell

In the chaotic, high-paced world of single motherhood, it is easy to lose perspective of what really matters in our worlds. Worry and stress slowly creep up on us or sometimes quickly pounce upon us and skew our view of how truly blessed we are and what incredibly amazing women we are. But there are ways to clear up that clouded view.

To help keep things in perspective, here are a few suggestions, fine-tuned from seminars, books, and shows on self-improvement and motivation. Easier said than done, you may say, but having given them a try, I can say that the hardest part is getting started, and all you have to do is take just a few moments (not even minutes) each day to do them. My recommendation is to do them first thing in the morning or last thing at night, when children and house aren't requiring your full attention. Once they become habit, you'll find your perspectives stay better focused and your attitude much more positive. And what a difference that can make in your life as well as the lives of those around you.

If you use a day planner, you'll need to set up three new pages/sections for these three "journals/lists". If you don't use a planner, then a notebook or journal will work just as well. I recommend three different colored pages in your journal or a sectioned divider notebook to help make them easier to distinguish and use.

There are three areas in our lives that we tend to discredit or forget about too easily, but they are critical in helping us keep our worlds and perspectives in order. They are humor, gratitude, and self-esteem. You'll want to create a journal/list for each of these using the pages or sections in your planner or notebook. You can call them whatever you like, as long as they are designated as one for humor (I call mine "Make Me Laugh"), one for gratitude ("Thanks and Praise"), and one for yourself ("For Me").

Laughing releases endorphins, which boost your immune system, speed up healing, help to reduce stress, and uplift your spirits. Start a humor journal. Whenever you see or hear something that makes you laugh or smile, write it down or cut out the clipping and attach it in your journal. When things aren't going well and you just need a laugh, or if you'd like to smile regularly, go back and read them.

The next is a gratitude journal. Each day, write down three items for which you are grateful. You can always find at least three, whether it's as simple as appreciating the blue color of the sky, or as grand as your family and friends. Chances are that once you've written down three items, you'll start to think of many more elements that you appreciate.

The final journal is for you. It's about compliments. Most often, we discredit or disown a compliment paid to us (i.e. "Oh, thank you -- you're just being kind", "Oh, this dress? It's old and nothing special."). But a compliment is a carefully selected, personalized gift that is being given to you. You wouldn't discredit or disown a gift, would you? Learn to graciously accept compliments and appreciate them for the precious, personalized gifts they are. Additionally, write them in your journal. Write down enough that you'll remember who, what, when, where, and why you received the compliment; there should be enough detail that when you return to it in a year, you'll still be able to visualize the experience and feel those same feelings. When things are low and you're feeling down about yourself, remember to look at this journal as a reminder of how wonderful and special you are.

Write down compliments you can give to yourself, too, especially when they're about things no one else may know, such as paying off a debt or completing a personal goal, no matter how small. These are the reminders of what incredible women we are and of all that we accomplish in our lives, though we often are too busy to stop and realize it. I'll even give you one to start with: You are a caring woman who seeks to improve the lives of herself and those around her. (How do I know this? Well, you wouldn't be reading this if you weren't!)

With all that goes on in our lives, keeping everything in perspective is critical. Start your journals today and focus on the positives in your life. It will contagiously spread to other aspects of your life and to those around you.