Lori,

Your older girls are just the right age to understand that Mommy is going to school too. Maybe you can set time aside on the nights you're home so you can all do "homework" together. A friend of mine who is raising her son alone while working and going to school would share stories with him about what she did at school that day after he told her what he did.

Another thing you might try is postponing the serious studying until they are in bed at night, so you can spend dinnertime and bathtime together. You're going to have to wing it until you work out a schedule. Your husband's support will be a big help too, and your older daughters can give him a hand taking care of the baby.

The number of hours you spend with your children is less important than them knowing that you are doing the best you can and that you love them. The more you involve in and/or explain to them what you're doing, the easier it will be for them to make the transition.

Hope this helps.

Working together we can make a difference.
-- Cathy Feldman

I read the letter you sent to working mothers. My wife subscribes and I sometimes read the letters. I was in a similar situation. My wife was teaching school and I was working long hours selling. Even though we made a decent living between the two of us , Life was and is a struggle. I have 4 boys (8, 6, 2 and 10 months). I was spending more time at work, my wife was getting fed up with children 24 hours a day ( both at work & home). It was just to much.

So we decided to make some sacrifice now and go back to school. She is pursuing her masters and I am an engineering student. We are living off part-time incomes and student loans. We had to sell our new minivan and get a '89 model. I have to drive an older car, we don't have a new stereo or credit cards but we have enough to keep all of the utilites up, rent, food, and clothes (not all Tommmy Hilfiger but not all Wal-Mart either).

We were forced to look at our money priorities in great detail. We were amazed at the amount of money that we wasted without even realizing it. We are spend a lot more wisely than ever before. I was shocked that I could receive the amount of finacial aid I could even when my wife was still working. It is not enough to keep up with the Jones' but it can sure help out.

We are able to use the loans to pay rent, utilities and other things 3 months in advance. We also take the cash and buy grocery store gift certificates to make sure we will have a steady flow of groceries, diapers and formula throughout the quarter. We have two years to go and I get to wake up with my two younger kids every morning. We sacrificed a lot that we thought we could not do without but I don't miss a lot of it.

I have also learned lessons that will help me once I have to pay back the student aid. Most of mine is grants that I will not have to pay back but I will have to return about 50% of the money over ten years. I have no idea where you are from or anything about your lifestyle but I can tell you that you will never regret making the sacrifice now.

Good Luck
-- Rich

First of all, congratulations! It is not everyone who manages to break out of the daily routine and find a new route to follow. Having said that, I recognize your dilemma. It's a very good thing that your husband supports the idea, then you won't have to worry about your girls getting quality care while you're at school or locked up studying. More time with dad is a great thing.

But how about you and your time with the children. Well, there are only 24 hours in a day and you will add more hours to your time away from home. Accept that for now you will see less of your children. They will miss you, you will miss them. BUT you will improve yourself and your life and you will be a happier, more content woman. In the long run you will all benefit from this.

Best of luck!
-- Jorun

I just had to write and tell you how much I empathize with your situation. I too am a working mom of one little girl (3 yrs) and I'm attempting to get my masters in clinical counseling at night. It is probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do and will do. Just a thought - I used to do home child care. I only recently went back to work outside of the home because I found a really good job with great pay two minutes from my house. I consider going back to it probably every day because of the guilt I feel leaving my daughter for work AND school. My goal however is to work the job I currently have for one year (get some annoying bills paid off) and then go back to the child care while I go to school full time.

I'm sorry to be rambling but I wanted to share that what gets me through the day is knowing that I have a GOAL and a PLAN. And what the research says is that as long as the time you ARE spending with your children is quality time, they should be okay. (Although it's easier said then done to spend quality time with your children when you have a million things to get done and no time to do them!) The home child care really worked well for me though - I don't know if that's an option for you but it really is a great compromise for making money AND being with your children more. Hang in there - in the long run you're doing the right thing.
-- Lynn

I just wanted to give my support on your decision to forward your education. I, too, work full time in a dead-end job with little pay. I attend college full-time in addition to my full-time job. On top of all that, I am a single mother. My daughter is left at daycare or with my mother when I am at work or class. I spend every spare moment with her. She doesn't seem to mind. In fact, she rather enjoys the change of pace. I guess she gets a little tired of me. Anyway, I know that my decision to further my education will benefit both of us financially, as well as emotionally. I feel that I am a good role model for my daughter. She will learn that nothing is beyond her even in the most adverse of situations.
-- Heidi

Well Lori it's certainly a dilemma of sorts and you've heard some good answers already. Two other considerations might be:

Stay home and raise your kids full time until they are all full time in school and then build an education program around their school time.

Another might be to consider a home based biz. You could do that, make excellent income in the right one and not have to sacrifice time with your kids. That's what I did... and I know tons of women (and men) who've opted for this route successfully so too.

Best of success to you Lori.
-- Jeff

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