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Jugglers Workshop | All About Time

Juggling Workshop
Working Moms' Q & A

The daily tug-of-war between your career and your kids can leave you torn between the two worlds. Where do you turn? The Juggling Workshop! Ask questions and share suggestions about juggling work and family.

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This month's question:

I am a fulltime working mother and a very frustrated one at that. My desire is to be a fulltime mom and take care of a 1 year old and a 3 year old. I am so exhausted at the end of the work day that I find it hard to give of my best to my family. I have a husband who is very supportive and helpful and we are in the process of selling our home in order for me to be able to stay at home. No buyers yet after 15 months on the market....in the meantime I am eager for some tips, helpful coping mechanisms or just the support of someone who is or has been through the same situation. I know I am not the only mother who has ever gone through this type of situation. any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated. Thanx!!!
-- Cleo

Cleo,

You are definitely not alone! Trying to juggle a fulltime job and two young children is brutal. It's great that your husband is supportive, but even with that, there never seem to be enough hours in the day. Here are some things other working moms have shared with me.

Practice triage.
That's what they call doing the most important things first in emergency medicine. Don't worry about unimportant things like having a spotless house. Focus on the things that have to be done and don't sweat the small stuff.
Take a nap.
Is there any place you can take a nap at work during your lunch or coffee-breaks? Most of us are suffering from sleep-deprivation, and even a 15-minute nap can help during the day if you can sneak it in.
Telecommute part-time.
You said your job is frustrating, but is there any possibility of working from home, i.e., telecommuting, part-time or even one day a week? See if anyone where you work is doing that. It never hurts to ask.

I hope some of you out there will share your tips and suggestions with Cleo too.

Working together we can make a difference.
--Cathy Feldman

When I had my third child, (my oldest was 5 at the time) I decided to leave my job, It was just too hard. I felt like I was missing out. I'd get home, put dinner on the table, and I was a bitch mom. I was so stressed out that I couldn't be patient or even pleasant. We all miss the income. But my son said, "Mom, I'm glad you're quitting work. I know we can't have money and you be at home, so I'd rather you be at home." It's been a struggle financially and we've had to cut back a lot on our life style.

I know what I did was right for me, but it took me a long time to sort the issues out. It was hard to leave my job because that was my identity and where my skills were. I wasn't known for being a great mom. But I'm learning.
--Brenda L.

I'd recommend trying cut back to a parttime job. I work three days a week, ten hours each day. That way I'm working enough hours to qualify for benefits. By concentrating the work in the middle of the week (Tuesday-Thursday), I have a lot more time for my kids. The upside is I'm a lot more productive, I'm keeping my career alive and bringing in sorely needed income. And I'm not nearly as stressed out so I enjoy my job and my family a lot more. The downside is it gets pretty crazy on those three days and it definitely has hurt my possibilities for moving up. Right now I'd rather be spending the time with my kids who are 2 and 4. None of this is easy. You just have to decide what your priorities are and stick with them. --Karen

I am a new mom trying to decide about working full time or staying home with my newborn. I have a great job waiting for me (12 weeks of maternity leave) with a pretty nice salary raise. Although I love what I do and sometimes miss work, the thought of dropping my 3 month old baby off at daycare hurts me. I feel as if we still have so much learning to do and discovery. I am concerned about the parenting styles of the at-home-day cares. I have just started to look into them (regular day cares have a 1 1/2 year waiting list)but cannot seem to feel comfortable with my only child spending 40+ hours a week with a stranger. Unfortunately, we have no family members that can watch her for me. My dilema is financial. My partner and I are not married so I would not be able to get onto his insurance plan (although our daughter can)and I do have debt (credit cards, student loans, etc..)that he cannot assume. We both feel strong about me being home but are having a hard time facing the financial realities. Questions come up that are very tough to answer, such as, "Do we have a responsibility to be financially sound or is it more important to be a strong and loving family?" "What will I miss when I am at work?" "Will I regret not spending this time with her?"
My career is not an issue with me (I am early enough into it and well connected in the industry) only finances are.

I know many mothers have gone through this and would love to hear how they decided one way or the other.
-- Jill

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