Juggling Workshop
Working Moms' Q & A

The daily tug-of-war between your career and your kids can leave you torn between the two worlds. Where do you turn? The Juggling Workshop! Ask questions and share suggestions about juggling work and family.

This week's question:

I do a lot in the morning before leaving for work and during my lunch hour. My goal is to keep my weekends and evenings as free as possible. This is a typical work day: Up at 5:30 am, exercise until 6:00, eat a quick breakfast and clean the kitchen (this includes washing the dinner dishes from the night before). Some mornings, I don't feel like exercising and use this time as my quiet time. I might read a book or magazine.
From 6:30 to 7:30 I shower, do my hair and make-up and get dressed. My husband gets our 18 month old son up and dressed and feeds him breakfast (instant oatmeal and juice from a paper bowl and cup). This is done while I'm getting dressed. I drop our son off at day care. At least 4 days a week, I use my lunch hour to run errands. This includes going to the dry cleaners, the pharmacy, the bank, the post office, the car wash, shopping for clothes or presents, getting my hair done, and yes, even going to the supermarket for non-refrigerated items that can be kept in the car. I usually bring a lunch from home that I can eat at my desk while working or pick-up something on my way back to the office.
I spend the evening playing with my son, who is in bed by 8:30. From 8:30 to 9:00 I read the mail and pick-up toys. 9:00 to 10:30 it's quiet time for me and my husband (and we usually fall asleep on the couch!). Dinner? We take turns cooking, or pick-up carry-out. I also try to prepare extra meals on the weekend that can be stored or frozen for the upcoming week. We have a housekeeper who cleans the house every Friday and washes the sheets and towels. This is a HUGE help (the cost is $75.00 a week). On Saturday I do the rest of the laundry. I go to the supermarket (for perishables)at 6:00 a.m. while my husband and son are still asleep. I'm usually home before they wake-up. Sunday evening, I iron 5 outfits for my son for the upcoming week and I prepare 5 outfits for me for work. This includes selecting the underwear and the accessories I will wear. My husband takes care of his own ironing and dry cleaning (I do his laundry). I handle the family budget and usually write checks twice a month (during my lunch hour!).

-- Patrice

That sounds exhausting!!! So glad to hear you exercise in the morning at 6am. I can't possibly imagine having the energy for that, however, I fall asleep on the couch just about every night.
-- lana

Stay ahead? I work full-time as a journalist. I'm lucky my editors let me run away once a week to work out of my house because I'm a mom to two teenagers and one college student who all live at home; plus have two grown children who are married. And I'm a grandma to two little tykes who live 10 minutes away. I'm lucky enough to be married to the same wonderful man for 21 years. Stay ahead? Reality is there is laundry downstairs that could be folded, ironing stacked really high and yard work that could be done. Stay ahead? I get depressed, sure because I have friends who can do it all, but guess what... I can't and I quit trying to keep up with them. I walk my dogs when I want to. I cook when I feel like it, allow myself to read books and watch movies. I hang out with my kids when they show up. I learned a long time ago to that life is too short to worry about the dust. Oh, I do clean the bathroom on a regular basis so the health department doesn't shut me down and I do dishes before I head out to work. Oh, my kids help too. It's required.:) Have a happy day!

-- Loretta

I AM A SINGLE MOTHER OF 3. I HAVE A 13 YEAR OLD SON, 11 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER AND 9 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER. OUR DAY STARTS AT 6:30 EACH MORNING GETTING UP AND READY FOR SCHOOL AND WORK. OUT OF THE DOOR BY 7:15AM TO DROP OF MY KIDS AT SCHOOL BY 7:30AM. THANK GODNESS I WORK JUST BLOCKS FROM THEIR SCHOOL, SO I'M THERE SOON AFTER 7:30. I TAKE MY LUNCH BREAK AT 2PM TO PICK THE KIDS UP FROM SCHOOL. I HAVE ABOUT 30 MINUTES TO SPEND WITH THEM TO GET THEM STARTED ON HOMEWORK OR HOUSEHOLD CHORES. I THEN GO BACK TO WORK UNTIL 5PM. FROM THERE TWO OF MY THREE OF THE KIDS ARE INVOLVED IN SOME KIND OF ACTIVITY. MY SON AND YOUNGEST DAUGHTER ARE ON BASEBALL TEAMS. MY DAUGHTER ON CITY YOUTH LEAGUE AND MY SON ON STATE TRAVELING LEAGUE. EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK ONE OR THE OTHER HAS PRACTICE AND WE AVERAGE ABOUT 6 GAMES FOR A FRIDAY THRU SUNDAY STRETCH. MY OLDEST DAUGHTER SPENDS EVERY OTHER WEEKEND WITH HER DAD ON TOP OF THIS. DINNERS AREAS WE CAN GRAB THEM. I AVERAGE ABOUT 2-3 DAYS A WEEK THAT I CAN COOK MEALS AT HOME AND THE LEFTOVERS MAKE GREAT LUNCHES FOR WORK. DESPITE THIS HECTIC SCHEDULE, WE DO FIND TIME FOR SCHOOL ACTIVITIES AS WELL. PLAYS, CONCERTS, BASKETBALL GAMES, TRACK MEETS, FUNDRAISING ACTIVITIES, YOU KNOW THE DRILL. THERE ARE DAYS WHEN WE LEAVE THE HOUSE A 6:30AM AND OUTSIDE OF STOPPING AT HOME TO CHANGE OR PICK UP THE KIDS, WE DON'T RETURN HOME AGAIN UNTIL 9-10PM! BUT, THE TIME THAT WE DO SPEND EITHER AT SCHOOL ACTIVITIES OR BASEBALL PRACTICES OR GAMES, ARE ALWAYS AS A FAMILY. UNLESS SCHEDULES CONFLICT (WHICH HAPPENS ON AVERAGE 4 TIMES A MONTH)THE WHOLE FAMILY IS TOGETHER. WHAT A GREAT WAY TO ENTERTAIN THE KIDS BY TAKING THEM TO THEIR SIBBLINGS SPORTS GAME OR SCHOOL FUNCTION. TIME IS SPENT SUPPORTING THAT SIBBLING AND/OR TALKING ABOUT THEIR EVENTS OF THE DAY! IT'S SOUNDS ROUGH, BUT I WOULDN'T HAVE IT ANY OTHER WAY!
-- BECKY

It's interesting to read other's comments. We are all busy and life is always crazy I think when you are a full time working Mom. I like Lorreta's perspective the best and I hope to one day stop stressing out so much and enjoy life a little more. Does it really matter that the vaccuming hasn't been done and the bathroom is a mess, does it really matter that my daughter's room is starting to look like a dump - and she's only 3 years old? Am I organized enough? No, Could I do more? Probably. Would I have to sacrafice time w/ my family in order to do this? Definitely. I love spending time w/ my 3 year old, she is what makes my day bright.
Here's a couple of things that help keep my sane:
Clean late on Friday's so I don't have to on the weekends. My husband does all the bills, I stress way too much about money and although I know it's not good to be in the dark, I like it better that way and he fills me in when needed. I take time off from work when I need to and sometimes just when I want to. I take every Wed. eve for myself and don't come home until after our daughter is in bed. My husband encourages it as he is in school and gone 1 to 2 nights a week. I stay up late to spend time with my hubby even though I'll be tired the next day (thank God for coffee!) I Keep up on my social life. Run errands on my lunch break. Give myself 20 minutes in the morning when I drop my daughter off at preschool just to spend some time with her and play with her and her friends, and talk to the teachers.
I don't get my nails done, I clean my own house, I work at least 40 hours a week if not more...sometimes I am on call.
Sometimes I break down in a fit of tears, then my daughter will come over and try to soothe me and I am reminded of why I do what I do!
-- Jenn

Keeping up isnt even possible. I get up in the morning and really want to exercise but of course dont get there. I end up getting the kids dressed and out the door at 7 am where thank goodness my mother is waiting in her car to take them to her house or school. Then I get dressed and ready myself before waking up my hubby and getting his clothes. IN the evening I get home around 7pm and have to make dinner then I clean the kitchen and get the kids ready for bed. On good days the kids and I will take a walk while my husband is still working. The housework waits until Friday and Saturday because that is when I get a burst of energy and feel like going. Sunday is mine. YES!!!!!
-- Toni

We have a routine that works right now, but we will need to adjust it next month when my two step sons, 9 and 10, come to live with us. I get up at 0520, get dressed, turn on the coffee pot (loaded the night before) and am out the door for a three mile run. I get back in the house between 0600 and 0610, drink coffee, eat breakfast, hop in the shower, and get dressed. In the meantime, Husband gets up and prepares 14 month old son's bottles for day care. Once I'm ready, I wake up the baby, nurse him, get him dressed, and take him to daycare around 0730. I get to work between 0745 and 0800. Lunch time I either run errands or work out at the gym. I make myself leave work at 5 p.m., though sometimes I get stuck there until 6, go pick up baby, and head home. I always cook dinner, husband always does dishes (although not necessarily every day). We get the baby fed, bathed, read books to him, I nurse him and he goes down by 8 p.m. (we just finally got him to sleep thru the night a few weeks ago - YAY!!) The rest of the evening is for me and husband, but I am usually in bed by 10 p.m. since I get up pretty early. Husband and I do laundry, and we have a cleaning lady who comes every other week and I LOVE IT! Once our older sons arrive, she will be cleaning once a week. The cleaning lady was the smartest thing we ever did with both of us working full time -- it has vastly improved our quality of life and reduced my stress levels. Definitely worth the money! The other thing that has helped me is making sure I get plenthy of exercise and sleep. I'm a happy woman if I'm working out on a regular basis. Don't get me wrong, I'm no athlete. It's just wonderful to start the day out with a nice run, and then, no matter how crappy the day turns out, at least I got that run in.
-- Chelsea

I'm sorry I can't offer some words of wisdom that will suddenly help us all "stay ahead" but I'm in the same boat
and wish I had a paddle! My day begins at 6:30 a.m. I get up, shower, dress, wake up my 3 girls (ages 7 & 10)help them dress,fix hair and get them to
the kitchen by 7:30 a.m. My husband makes them breakfast and he'll put them on the bus. I leave for work at 7:40 (on a good day) and arrive at work around 8:25. I usually only have time to
grab a muffin or piece of toast and my travel mug of coffee and eat in the car. I have a very busy job and I could easily work beyond 8 hours each day, but I must leave by 5:00 because I
have to pick up the kids at afterschool care by 6:00 sharp. My husband usually works a little later to make up for the time he misses by staying at the bus stop. I usually cook or get take out when I'm too tired. We use paperplates on weekdays because it saves a little time.
and try to have dinner by 7:00. Then there's homework to go over and tests (why do 2nd graders have so many tests nowadays !!!). Maybe 1/2 hour of Nickoloden for the kids while I clean up the kitchen and 8:30 bath time and lights out by 9:30. I then usually pass out exhausted on the couch
and forget all about the work I brought home that I didn't finish. The fun starts all over again the next day. P.S. I love my family and my life through it all.




--

My 17 year old daughter moved out of my home into her boyfriend's military barrack. A week before she turned 18. She graduated on the 25 May and her birthday is the 28. She continued to come home late and would never give me a called to let me know what was going on. I told her if she could not lived by my rule then leave. However,I must eat my word I never expected that she would leave. Should I have left it alone and let her continued to go and come as she please.
-- Jackie

What a help it was to read that all the working mothers are as busy as I am. We do all use our lunch hours for anything but lunch and we all have to be up before the sun. I thought I was unique. Our family grew in one year as my husband and I do foster care. We have 3 children under 6 and both work. I stress when the state social works come to visit and the dust and toys are all knee deep. They always seem to understand, and only look at the love and careing the children are getting. When we were inbetween nanny/housekeepers, my wonderful neighbors all came to help with child care, doctor visits and house cleaning. IT TAKES A VILLAGE TO RAISE A CHILD.
-- Foster Mommy

I WISH I COULD DO ALL THAT. I AM A FIRST TIME MOTHER. MY DAUGHTER, ELAINA, IS TWO MONTHS OLD. IT SEEMS THAT I NEVER HAVE ENOUGH HOURS IN THE DAY. MY HUSBAND OFTEN OFFERS TO HELP. USUALLY THOUGH HE FALLS ASLEEP IN THE RECLINER. I AM AT MY WITS END.
-- MELODY

I'm a mother of 8 children, 4 of which are mine and 4 of which are my nephews. They range in age of 4-14. I start my day at 5:30 a.m. and don't go to sleep until at least 10:30. The first set of kids get on the bus at 6:20 and my second set get on at 7:10. Which that consists of 3 of my kids and 2 of my brothers kids which I have to run down the road and get. Then I take my last 2 kids down to my dads and then I go in to see if my mother (which is real sick) needs anything. I usually bath her 3 times a week. I make sure she has what needs before I leave for school at 9:00 a.m.. I'm there until 12:00 and then I run all the errands for my house and my brothers(he is divorced) house, make sure that all bills are paid and make sure that I get everything the kids need for school. Then I head back to my dads house so that he can do whatever he wants see to the 3 kids there check an my mom, then the rush hits at 3 p.m. and 4 p.m. I go home get supper on feed the household. I make the kids help clean up, that is the only way I can stay ahead and not have a lot of work on the weekends which I try to save just for fun and relaxing.

-- Sue

I really wish I could be like Patrice and actually get five outfits ready for myself and my two kids, but we live in Idaho and sometimes the weather here is so off that it's almost impossible to do that. I work forty hours a week, and I usually clean the house on Saturday mornings, and I try to make the kids help and do as much as they can, (they are only 4 and 5). My fiance(childrens dad), also helps out a lot, which I am very grateful. He works 4 days the has 2 off. So he has some off days during the week, which is nice, because he'll help with the things that I can't get to. He helps with laudry but I do most of the cooking, so I would love to hear of some fast, good, healthy dinners, that do not require too much prepartion. I also try to stay focused by going to church every Sunday, and ready at least a verse out of the Bible every evening. It helps keep in line.
-- Rachel

I am sure glad I found this site. Just spent 15 minutes crying after trying to fall asleep, all the while wondering how much longer I can last, without burning out.

It started with trying to figure out how to get rid of the drug dealers who just moved in next door in our residential neighborhood. I phoned our police vice department. Next, thought about how to get my husband to leave for good without his abusive behavior (I really think I need to get rid of my lazy husband who doesn't clean, take the kids to school or help pay bills except phone, cable and internet, and invites his gambling mom and alcolic sisters and their families over on weekends for bar-b-que's, who all the while spend there time begging to borrow money off of me).

Had my good cry, then went downstairs on my husbands pc and tried to find some inspirational christian music to listen to on napster. Once found, I started searching the web for working women sites and here I am. I can't tell everyone how glad I am I found this site.

I wake up at 530am and welcome my husband home from work. Go back to bed til 6 or 630, shower,get the kids dressed, fed and off to daycare(from there daycare will bring them to school, who is really grandma and grandpa who run there own family daycare). Goto work starting anywhere from 730am to 230pm, depending on my schedule (non-standard hrs of work). If I work later I will take the kids to school myself and try and get some housecleaning done, paying bills etc. Alot of the time I work upto 14hrs. Working overtime just to pay the bills. I get home anywhere between 330 and 10pm, pick up the kids, feed them if they haven't had supper yet, bath them, do homework and read stories and put to bed. If I work after 8pm they usually spend the night at grandma's house.

I have 4 children, by the way. The oldest two are twin boys who are 7 yrs old (they have aspergers syndrome, which is a form of autism), a 4 yr old boy and a 3 yr old girl. In between getting the kids home & the bedtime, I try desperately in spending equal quality time with each child, do laundry, dishes, laundry, keep house tidy, grass mowed etc. Once they're in bed, I will watch tv for about 1 hr, then go back to the laundry and cleaning the rest of the house til about 1230am.

Then I will go back to watching tv til I fall asleep.

Well, its final. I am getting rid of my husband once and for all.

Reading your comments has really helped in my decision.

Thanks to all of you.


-- Chrissy

Like everyone else's response before mine I also get up at 5:30 and start my day. I try to get showered and dressed before the children wake up because once they are up everything takes twice as long. Since my husband leaves before I even get up so it is up to me to dress both children (one is 3 and the other is 9 months), feed both and take care of the dog. My husband has tried on several occassions to take care of the dog but he refuses (the dog) to get up before 6:30. They weren't kidding when they said, "It's a dog's life." Luckily I am blessed with a wonderful mother and father who although the live 25 minutes away, watch the 9 month old everyday and the three year old 2 days. So my wonderful mother comes over at 7:15 and takes my son to daycare or her house and my daughter to her house and we try to leave by 7:30. On a good day I am out of here by 7:35, I am supposed to be at work by 8:00.
Again like everyone else I run errands during my lunch hour and I have a wonderful drycleaning service that picks up and drops off my drycleaning at work. This service is not anymore expensive than dropping it off myself. I have priced other local drycleaners.
As soon as I get home, I make dinner anything from frozen pizza to chicken marsella with a green veggie and a salad. I try to make dinners like my mom did when I growing up since they seem healthier but probably one night a week I end up making BLT's, hotdogs, frozen pizzas or spagetti since I always keep some homemade sause frozen in the frige. Then it's time to clean up dinner, make my son's school lunch and clean up the kitchen. Then I get a little time to play with the kids and then it's time to put the baby to bed and then my son. I usually do not make it back downstairs if I put my son to bed. My husband often helps putting the kids to bed. But I usually do the dishes because I cannot stand having dirty dishes in the sink and when he says he will do the dishes they rarely get done within the next 24 hours.
I wish I could get him to contribute more during the week, but it only causes arguments and he is actually very helpful but I guess I stress out because I want the house to look like Homes and Gardens and there just isn't the time or space to make that a reality.
-- Connie

I'm usually up around 0530-0600. Read e-mail, drink SlimFast, shower/make-up/dress from 0630-0700, wake up 3 yr old son & get him ready 0700-0730, leave for daycare at 0730 (on a good day!), at work by 0750-0800. Lunch time is reserved for quiet time in my car listening to Christian radio, reading, and/or eating lunch. Back in ofc from 1300-1700 or 1730. Pick up son at daycare. Home around 1800. Change clothes. Cook dinner (keep it simple!), eat (in dining room w/o TV), and clean kitchen 1800-1830. Thank goodness we both get good balanced lunches. Play with son (play "cars", read books, color, tickle, etc.) until 1900. Bath time and get son ready for bed 1900-1930. Rock son while watching TV (Touched by an Angel), say prayers, put him to bed 2030. Do a load of laundry, fold and put away (don't own anything that has to be ironed!) 2030-2130. 2130-2230 read/send email to family (we're scattered all over the USA), shower, go to bed, read Bible or a book. Lights out at 2300-2330. Saturday is "crash" day. Just RELAX! Sunday is church, "big" dinner at home or eat out, housekeeping, pay bills, etc. I've been a single, working mom since my son was 9 months old. No family nearby to help. This schedule is pretty "liveable" for the two of us. My son's learning to help out with chores (e.g. caring his dishes to the kitchen after dinner, helps p/u toys before bedtime, makes his bed by straightening up the comforter). Never forget to PRAY and be THANKFUL for all God's blessings in my life!!
-- Debi

I have found if I am always looking to get ahead I don't see what I have infront of me. My day starts at 4:50am, I get myself up,grab a diet coke,shower,and dress. (I've opted for wash and wear, and very little dry cleaning). 5:45 I finish packing my 8month olds bag for the day, prepare my 4 y/o breakfast. At 6 am I wake up my 4 y/o( I leave her lights off and use the hall light to avoid her becoming grouchy, it works), I dress her, wash face, brush teeth, and do hair. Turn on a movie, and set her down to breakfast. 615am I wake up my 8 month old, change her, and feed her breakfast, using the same dim lighting technique until she is woken up well. Then I get her all cleaned up, and I do her hair, she has a head full believe it or not. Then by 630 am we all sit together and watch the movie, my husband works shift work,so if he is on nights, he has came home and used this time to visit with the girls. I leave at 645 am, I take the 4 y/o to a day school, I too spend a little time with she, her friends, and the teachers before going ( the baby is on the hip). Then I go to the day care for the baby, and I take my time there saying good by to her, and updating her teachers( I could move the 4y/o to the day care to make my day easier, but why change her to accomodate me, when she loves her dayschool, and I do too, the baby will go there in 10 months.) I get to work by 7:30. My boss and co workers are a good group, they cover for me and understand when I am out for a sick kid. I don't abuse the system and I don't take alot of days off. I leave work at 4pm, I stop at the store, or dry cleaners if needed. I pick up the baby first. Then move on to the 4 y/o. We may stop and get an snow cone. I get home, we look through the mail. Then we play. I fix a simple meal. If my husband doesn't like it then he's free to fix it. He griped once and I quit cooking for him for one month. That got his attn. I clean the kitchen. Then about 7-730 we play more. Then baths. Sometimes the 4y/o takes a long "play" bath, other times its short. the baby bathes with her. Then by 8 the baby gets a bottle and the 4y/o colors, reads, watches a movie. Once the baby is in bed the 4 y/o and I spend some alone time together, inc her dad if he's home from work. Once all are in bed, I pre pack the next days lunches, necessities. Then THere might be time for me. I pay a lady 30 dollars a week to do my bathrooms, dusting, and mopping. I try to be flexible, and at the same time have some consistency. It's tough, no it all can't be done, if some one doesn't like what my home looks like, they don't need to come back.
-- Belle

I am exhausted just reading all of the responses. It strikes me that we are all running and running as fast as we can. When will society change to start accomodating
our reality? My job is a reduced schedule work week, but finding the balance of fitting the work in the allotted time has been a challenge. It's been 6 months now
and we are all still figurig out if it will work. I have an 11 month old and a 3 year old. They are angels. I am too tired to go through my daily schedule with you, but
I did notice that one common theme is that everyone seems to be able to get up in the morning before the kids. My baby sleeps with me (still nursing) and my 3 year old is an
early bird! If I get up early, everyone else does too. Wish I could have those early mornings too! How do you get around that?
-- Sissy

It seems as if all the moms commenting on hectic schedules have husbands at home. I don't and would love to hear from women who do it alone. I have a 19 month old daughter and work full time. There are never enough hours in the day. Help!
-- melanie

to melanie: you may have noticed that even when there is a husband around, it is very rare that they actually help out. It took many counseling sessions and lots of work to get mine to help out. Now he does do dishes every night and sometimes gives the kids their bath. I don't mean to turn this into a man bashing session, after all, they are a product of our society and how they were raised. But I'd be willing to bet that the majority of women who are reading this page will agree with me.
-- sissy

to melanie: you may have noticed from the comments above that even when there is a husband around, it is very rare that they actually help out. It took many counseling sessions and lots of work to get mine to help out. Now he does do dishes every night and sometimes gives the kids their bath. I don't mean to turn this into a man bashing session, after all, they are a product of our society and how they were raised. But I'd be willing to bet that the majority of women who are reading this page will agree with me.
-- sissy

Get ahead? The way I get ahead is to quit trying. I used to think I was superwoman, but have been much happier since I quit trying to have everything perfect. Sometimes the house doesn't get clean, sometimes the dishes sit in the sink, but my husband, my son and I laugh together a lot! Someday when I'm very old, I won't remember the time I picked through the laundry for the cleanest dirty pair of socks for my son to wear. I'll remember the bike rides we all took together to the beach.
-- Cheryl

I'm a 37 year old mother of two (a daughter, 4 in July, and a son,
just turned 2). My husband and I own a plumbing & heating business.
Thankfully, as owners, I'm able to bring my kids to work. Sounds great?
Not always. My business phone rings at home, so customers are calling us
as early as 7:00 a.m. The kids are usually early risers. I try to get up
before anyone else does, and jog 2 miles on the treadmill. While I'm jogging,
the laundry is going. I try to get breakfast before the kids get up, otherwise
I've always got one on each lap eating and I get nothing. By the time I get the
kids ready for work (you know the routine - gotta make the beds, brush teeth,
get them dressed, potty training accidents, phone interruptions, what to make
for dinner, doing the dishes, picking up toys, vacuuming, sweeping . . . ) it's usually
noon before we get to the office. I'm exhausted by then. No sooner do we walk in
the door, the kids are badgering me because they're hungry. Feed them, clean up the messes,
phone interruptions, customers coming in the door, and by the time I feel caught up,
the kids are ready for a snack, and it's 2:30 or so. We usually have to go for a short
drive to get them to fall asleep - of course, the heat is up in the car and the sweetest lullabies
are playing, but by the time we're back to the office, it's 3:30. I now have one hour to get all
the mail ready - process bills, invoicing, payroll, and all the other responsibilities of
being a secretary. I'm freaking out by the end of the day.

The best things I have ever done as a time saver are:

1. I use a day care before I lose my mind. It's only for a few hours, maybe once a month. Or, I'll
call my best friend and she'll take the kids for the hectic hours of the day - usually 11 a.m. to about 3 p.m.
which is meal time and getting them down for naps.

2. I have prepared many meals in advance. When I was 9 mos. pregnant with my son, the youngest, my husband and I prepared
six weeks worth of meals - no kidding! 42 meals! I went into the hospital not worry about who was going to do all the cooking.
(I had a ceserean). We bought tons of chicken and made bbq chicken, chicken ala king, chicken soup. Bought ground beef and made up the
patties and froze them individually so they could be tossed on the grill. I found someone that had a really neat recipe book of meals you
can make in advance and made as many as we could. The six weeks meals have been gone for a long time, but occasionally we'll get the energy
to cook for a whole week-end and it makes us feel great when it's done.

3. Pay a little extra on occasion and buy the prepared stuff - in the refrigerator section, get the fettucine or angel hair pasta that's already cooked.
Buy the container of marinara sauce. All you have to do is heat it - no boiling, draining, etc.

4. Pay a little to have your house cleaned once or twice a month. I pay someone $25 or $30 each time she comes to clean - she does everything, even cleans
out the refrigerator.

5. My mother always tells me: So what if you don't dust today? Next time you dust, it'll be a whole week's worth, and it only took you one time to clean it all.
So, give up the dusting every once in awhile.

6. The vacuum! How could I forget this one! The vacuum literally eats anything in its path! My children are fearful that the hungry little machine is going to suck
up all of their toys! When the toys are scattered all over the house, I bring out the vacuum. In just a few minutes they have the house pretty much cleaned up.

It's hard, but the time goes by so quickly. Gotta enjoy and cherish the good times when you can.

-- Joanie

Who can wake up at 5:30??? The older I get the harder it is to wake up early. My kids are lucky to get a bowl of cereal before we take them to school. I always complained about how much work I had to do being a "working out of the home mom". Earlier this year I was laid off from my job and I had plenty of time with my kids and plenty of time to clean the house. Is it clean...NO...but I have had some good times (and unpleasant times) with my kids and my husband. I am so....looking forward to returning to the workforce though because I do not have the independent emotional stamina to be a full time stay at home mom. More power to you that can...its a tough and many times thankless job. Somehow when I was working full time our home life was much more organized.
-- Katherine

I just read nearly all of the replies, and ran (not
walked!) to my husband and planted a big smooch on
him. I thanked him for all he does to help me. We
are a busy household too, very much the same as all of
yours, no sense repeating. My sister told me she and a
group of her church friends get together once a month or
two, and prepare a month's worth of meals in advance.
Each person brings something, and they all work together
sometimes for a whole day, but each leaves with a month's
worth of dinners. She gave me the recipes, I tried it, and
it's been great. The nice thing is, all the food is
cooked - just heat and serve.

I'm a wreck, lose my patience, and always try to be a
supermom. Someone said Supermom doesn't exist, but they're
wrong. We are ALL super moms! Praise yourself for all you've
accomplished each day.

This support site is wonderful. I'm so glad I found it. I've
stopped feeling sorry for myself already. One day at a time.

-- Kayla

I do not wake up at 5:30;
I do not wash dishes every night;
I do not do laundry after the kids are in bed;
I do not cook gourmet meals nightly;
I vacuum when I feel like it;

I use to do all of the above and more and one day
I said, Why?????

I try to spend quality time with my husband and children
create a system where everyone has a responsibility

And take lots of time out for me...If I'm not refreshed
All of the above things will drain me and make me resentful.

Been there, done that, won't do it anymore.

I like it better this way!
-- andree

Wow! I'm headed back to work tomorrow after being a stay-at-home mom for a year and a half. My daughter has never been in daycare before and I'm feeling lots of guilt about it, but I'm actually looking forward to re-entering the workforce. (I'm really surprised at this). I am very worried about juggling it all and I feel a little more worried after reading what all of you go through! I also realize that my decision to hire a weekly housekeeper was a good one! Any tips?
-- Kris

I just found this site and it is an answer to my prayers.
I took a half-day off today, sent the kids (ages 3 1/2 & 8 months)
to day care and went home to clean. I feel much more "in control"
of things now. I do this every now & then when I feel my life
spinning out of control!
Regarding preparing meals ahead of time, there is a great book
called "Once A Month Cooking" that gives you meal plans for a
months worth of dinners. I received it for Christmas. I haven't
done a whole months worth yet, but I have used some recipes from
it.


-- Chris

What a great topic!

Here's my schedule:

5:45am 5 year old son walks into our room and says
(in as loud a voice as possible) "Mom! Are you awake yet?
I'm hungry". I tell him to wait until a "6" appears in
the first place on the clock. Note that my son NEVER
says "Dad!....", it's always "Mom!".

5:46am till 5:59am, once per minute - 5 year old son
says, "Mom, is it EVER going to
be 6? I think your clock is broken!"

6:00am "Mom, it's 6 o'clock and you said...."
"allrightallrightallright!", I grumble and find my
bleary-eyed way to the shower.

6:15am I come out of the shower, dress and go downstairs
to find my son perched on a box on top of his chair attempting
to get the Honey Nut Cheerios down from the cabinet.
Luckily I arrive just before he tries to pour his own
milk.

6:30am Breakfast is over. My son attempts to wake daddy.
Daddy rolls over and grumbles something about 7am.

6:45am My son gets bored and pokes his 21 month old
sister until she either giggles or attempts to take
his arm off.

7:00am I get my daughter up from her crib and attempt
to change her diaper. She articulates the following:
"NO diaper...I wan' Cheerios". Her diaper weighs approximately
10 pounds. I overrule her and wrestle the diaper off
and manage to get a new one on her with moves that
would make any WWF wrestler green with envy.

7:15am I ask my son to REALLY wake daddy this time.
He pokes daddy in the side repeatedly until daddy
has to run into the bathroom to escape.

7:30am This is usually when we realize that the kids
have no clothes to wear. Quick! To the hand-me-down
bag that my sister-in-law gave us! There must be
something they can wear!

7:45am My daughter puts her shoes on all by herself.
On the wrong feet and without socks.

7:55am Five minutes before leaving and of course,
my son has yet to actually FIND his shoes. I have yet
to do my hair.

7:59am As I'm drying my hair I hear my husband
mutter something about finding my son's shoes
in the toybox, minus the laces. The laces are part
of an intricate Lego creation in the playroom.

8:10am We all leave the house about 10 minutes late
(on a good day). My daycare contracts all start at
8am but my daycare providers all know that's a joke.

8:15am Drop my daughter off. She yells "Bye Mommy" loud
enough to wake her provider's husband who works
a night shift.

8:30am Drop my son off. When we get to his preschool,
we realize we forgot his naptime blanket/sunscreen/
show-n-tell, etc.

8:45am I arrive at work 15 minutes late again.

8:45am - 5pm work. work. work. Waste time entering
my schedule into momsrefuge.com.

5:15pm Pick up son and 20,000 pieces of artwork he
has created today.

5:30pm Pick up daughter. Get sticky Spaghettios
kisses.

5:45pm Come home. Prepare leftovers-dujour.

6:00pm Eat dinner. My daughter refuses everything
we put in front of her except Cheerios. Make mental
note to buy more General Mills stock. Unstick children's
feet from kitchen floor (if it's Friday since I tend
to only mop once a week).

7:00pm Prepare and do baths. Chase wet, naked
daughter around house.

7:30pm Play with kids. Listen to my son sing
"Yaleo" from the Carlos Santana CD. He almost has
the Spanish words down correctly now.

8:30pm Kids to bed. I look at house which appears
to be occupied by orangutans. I'll clean tomorrow.
I'm too tired.

8:35 - 10:30pm Watch Mets lose.

11pm - bed. Ask hubby if he'll get up with the kids
tomorrow.

"Sure, honey, just wake me up!"

Go back to kids room and give them an extra kiss
because it's all worthwhile for them!


-- JoAnn

Reading these comments has really been an inspiration to me. I just started a new job after being a stay-at-home mom for a year and a half. I thank God every day for my husband who tries to at least have part of the house cleaned when I get home, takes the kids to summer camp and child care and always takes out the trash (he doesn't have to be to work until 2:00pm). I have to be to work at 6:30am. I work 9 hours a day 4 days a week and 4 hours on fridays - I love it! That extra time on Fridays really helps. This means I get up before they do and I have a little time to myself. However, when I get off work, then it gets hectic. I pick my 3 year old from child care, pick up my 7 and 9 year olds from summer camp (across town), cook, clean, do laundry, baths, pay bills/balance book, and pray/read bible. Then I greet my hubby when he gets home at 11:30pm. I don't claim to be a supermom. I'm just doing what needs to be done when I have the energy to do it.
-- Elise

Well, I feel your pain. We just adopted two children after having them in foster care for 1 1/2. I took off work for six months to be with them. I have now gone back to work. My husband and I both work retail, so we have very hectic lives, plus he is a youth pastor and I am the music minister of our church. I have to say that juggling home, kids, church and work at times is a real challenge. I keep trying to tell myself that 15 years from now my children will not remember a spottless house but they will remember a Mom that spent time with them or a Mom who was to worried about housework. I am also feeling the guilt of leaving them. God help and bless us all.
-- Jill

I just went back to work after a 3.5 month maternity leave. Get up at 7am, shower, dress,
get 4 month old up, nurse, change, out the door by 8am. Drop off at daycare (either
provider or grandma) then to work 9 to 5 (pump 4 times), pick up daughter by 5:45. Nurse first this at home,
then solids at 6pm, playtime till 7:15 (and try to eat dinner), bath at 7:30, nurse and then
baby in crib by 8pm. 8-9, do dishes, laundry, clean house, prepare bottles for next day, etc.
9-11, either TV, telephone or surf, then sleep by 11pm. Midnight - first feeding, 3am - second feeding,
7am - up for the day. My husband works in another state Monday through Friday, so I am doing the
single parent thing Monday through Friday. Weekends are reserved for baby and daddy catching up, mommy
sleeping an extra hour on Sat. morning, family time sat and sun afternoon, and maybe (if Grandma is around to
sit) a dinner out for my husband and I on Saturday night. Sunday I will cook a nice
meal for us all. I am still under the delusion that I can do and have it all. But
reading other people's comments have changed my mind about the cleaning - my baby won't remember
the clean house - only the time I spend with her. Sometimes I think that if only my husband were
in my shoes for ONE day - I know he couldn't do it. Thank god that women are so strong - but
we shouldn't HAVE to do it all! I agree with the person who said that the house is more organized
when I am working....at home for 3 months was difficult. But, the first chance I get, I am going
to cut down my hours to 20 per week to spend more time with the baby and hopefully have another!
Best of luck to everyone out there trying to make it all work.
-- Allie

I see that several of you prepare meals in advance and freeze them. I don't enjoy taking any time to cook--even only once a week. So, I have a personal chef come to my house once a month. She spends all day in my kitchen, brings all the groceries, and all the pots and utensils and seasonings she'll need (the only things of mine that she uses are my stove, oven, microwave, and sink!) and prepares 10 meals for me which are packaged and put in the freezer. She also leaves reheating instructions. I LOVE THIS! To find a Personal Chef of your own, check out the website of the Personal Chefs Association: www.uspca.com. You'll be able to find out if there is one in your area. They're all over the US! It's NOT as expensive as you think! Good luck and enjoy!
-- Amy

I'm not even a mother yet, just a newlywed wife who is trying to learn how this housework+full-time job thing works. Before I was married I had a "cleaning day" and a "laundry mat day" and that worked, but I also didn't wwork a 40 hr week either. Now I work 40 hrs a week and have a husband who wants "home cooked "meals and a clean "castle" to come home to. I'm consatantly overwhelmed by the house work I see in front of me. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed and exhausted to even do housework for several days at a time. Then I just have a snowball effect. HELP!! ADVICE PLEASE!!
-- karissa

Karissa, what you need are a couple of kids. Have them somewhat close together, about 18 months apart. That should help make your pre-motherhood days seem easier to handle! (Just a little humor. Hope you see it that way!)

-- Jenna

One task at a time, plan time frames for each item you need to do. Most would say "That's why there are seven days a week." Plan one day just to do something for your self, another to clean this and that, one for each child(if possible), one to do the bills, so on and so forth.
-- Lee Ann

-- ELIZABETH

I don't!
-- Judie

What I mean to say is, I don't stay ahead. I am always behind.
-- Judie

ha ha ha ha...

I have started a new fulltime job (management) oncall times..
evening telephone calls and all. My son's daycare
doesn't work anymore but I have yet to find other arrangements
(thinking about an aupair).

I get up at 6 make last minute attempts at getting
my work stuff organised, make my son's lunch,
pack his daycare bag, feed the dog, step on the cat ( a neccesity
living in the country (mice:0)) put the dog outside
drink coffee, get my sons breakfast ready (the latest
is a single portion yougurt and creal bar) put bags in car,
wave to ranch hands (i'm renting) as I walk through the yard
in my pajama's! I wake my son up change him, sit him down for breaky
and hop in the shower.

I get out to yogurt everywhere, my son in the living room jumping on furniture
tearing apart video cases and throwing cd's like frisbees.

I get dressed really fast put all dishes in sink, bring in dog and get out!

IN the evening I make dinner, vaccum, do laundry, water plants water lawn cut the lawn every 2 weeks,
vaccumm the car on my lunch break ... I do everything everything everything.

It is very hard. My secrets: I pray everynight and in the car, I invested in a cordless phone
with HEADPHONES so I can make calls while doing dishes laundry and tidying up.

I think ahead with my son (a toddler) toys in car, swimming bags always packed. get all errands down before driving home
and spend my saturdays cleaning (deep stuff), sundays at church and cutting the lawn after my son is in bed
and EVERY day from when I get home to putting my son to bed I try to decote to him.

I really would like to see a website with organisational tools for those like us.
Checklists on delgating tasks to childcare providers/housekeepers
Checklists for shopping, making calls, household errands, tasks...

PS: I AM TIRED!
-- Karrine

It was good to read the comments. It helped me to get over my pity party and realize that there are so many of us women out there struggling to balance work and family. I started to feel guilty that I don't get up earlier. I tend to stay up later and rely on caffiene to get me jump started. My daughter is 14 months old and still nursing. We have a co-sleeping arrangment that has been a blessing as a working mom. Our overnight sleeping time is such a neet way to reconnect with her that it makes being away during the day so much easier. It also makes getting out of bed in the morning much harder. Luckily, most days, my daughter stays at home and my husband stays with her. On the rare occasion I have to take her to a relative's house, I just get up earlier. My stress comes from the constant time demands on cleaning, cooking, errands, etc. My husband took over our pathetic money situation, so that was a big help. Most days, I find myself kicking a sqeek toy, stepping on a book, and generally trying to work my way through a maze of toys and clutter. I clean a counter off to find it full the next day. I feel buried. It helps to hear that feeling buried is par for the course and it's not because I'm some failure as a wife, mother, and worker. Keep up the good work ladies. Jenn
-- Jennifer

In response to the last about stepping and falling over toys, I found a solution that worked for us. I bought a Rubbermaid storage containter (pretty good size one!) and put all the 'everyday' toys in there. Then I bought some smaller tubs that slide under the bed. I divided up the toys and put them in the storage tubs, and slid them under the bed. Now when the kids want to play with something different, they slide one of the tubs out. It helps to have one big one so if you have to clean up in a hurry, toss everything into that and slap the lid on! As far as the paper clutter goes, I have a small plastic tub that sits on the counter, and everything goes in there. Check it periodically. One last thing, I nursed my son until he was 20 months old - yes, nearly 2 years old. It was a huge commitment and I thought I would go crazy. I cried a lot because of the demands. But now that he's weaned, sometimes I miss it. He's found other ways to connect now, like twirling my hair through his fingers! He can't sleep at night unless I'm laying next to him, and he has his fingers in my hair. That's annoying for me because I still don't sleep at night. It's 10:00 p.m. and everyone is in bed but me. It's been a very trying day. Try to find at least 30 minutes a day to yourself - have someone watch the kids and go for a short walk, alone. Just 20 to 30 minutes away per day will help rejuvenate and refreshen you.

I'm tired. I was up at 6:30 a.m. today. Here's what I did.... beds made, both kids fed, dressed, brushed teeth, 3 or 4 loads laundry, vacuumed, mopped kitchen floor, cleaned each of the rooms, canned 12 pints jam, canned 17 pints pickles, made 21 loaves zucchini bread, canned 4 pints cauliflower, froze 2 quarts green peppers, cleaned the kitchen after all the canning, vacuumed again!, mopped again!, and finally, I went shopping with my mom for awhile. And tomorrow morning I have to go to work. The kids go with me every day. I'm exhausted. I'm going to bed.

Hang in there everyone. And keep the posts coming. We need each other, we all need to share stories, we all need a break!!!


-- Marie

I had lots of fun reading these comments! My kids will start school in a week and it will be back to the same schedule for me. When I went back to work two years ago, after 3 years off, I only committed to a 30-hour workweek, so even though I often spend more time than that, I don't have to. After dropping off the kids at school, I race to work, work 6 hours straight without a break, race to school again to pick them up, & head for home. A lot of my husband's family live with us - his mother, his brother, brother's wife, and one of his sister's sons. I never have to worry about someone to watch the kids for short periods because there's always an adult in the house. My sister-in-law does the cooking (her only responsibility). The brother-in-law runs a few errands for my husband and takes out the garbage. Once a week, a lady comes to the house for 5 hours to clean. That's all the cleaning that gets done unless I do it, but I'm content. We hire a service to cut the grass and remove the snow. My husband has a bad back none of his family will lift a finger outside. When my boys are older I'll have them do it (they are 7 and 8 now). My brother-in-law and his wife are expecting a baby this week, so I'm trying to figure out how to manage cooking for everyone once the baby comes. I like the idea of cooking ahead and freezing, but my mother-in-law thinks it is unhealthy - but I've pretty much decided to do it anyway, starting this weekend.

I am really protective of my time with my kids. The time after school is my only time to really connect with them, and it won't be long before they are too busy for me. I sit down and talk to them while they have their snack, I read to them and play games with them. My husband gets home around 7:30 or 8pm and he likes to watch TV with the boys between dinner and bedtime. That's when I help with the kitchen cleanup and do laundry, etc.

I'm focusing on what's important to me at this stage of my life, but so many things are falling by the wayside - if I wash something which has to be ironed, it can be 2 months or more before I actually iron it; it can be a month or more before I actually file papers or even open my "Action Items" file folder. The house is never really organized, especially my things - I just shove everything in my closet or dresser. Sometimes I'll try to organize things, but I'm doing good just to throw out all the crap I'm not using and then put everything else back in the drawer. It drives my husband crazy.

That's one reason I love coming to work. I'm an engineer and nobody expects my desk to be neat all the time. Sometimes I get fed up with working and dream about having more time for reading and doing crafts, but in reality it wouldn't happen - I'd just be under my mother-in-law's thumb all day like I was before. Having this job gives me the right to come home with the kids from school and spend time with them. When I was a housewife, I actually spent less time with them because I was always telling them to get out of the way so I could get my housework done. My mother-in-law doesn't consider me a "proper" wife, and I could care less at this point - I grew up thinking my mother did housework all the time because she liked it; I want my kids to remember that I was happy and had time to relate to them. Then maybe when they grow up they won't expect their wives to be the family maid.

Sorry this got so long, thanks for reading if you got this far...
-- Debbie

I'm a first time mom and just happened to find this site because I am feeling a little anxious about returning to work. I've been at home since the birth of my baby. He'll be 6 months on the 10th and I'll be returning to work on the 11th.
What I've learned by reading your responses is that we can't all be supermoms. All of you deserve a pat on the back if not more. You've opened up my eyes in terms of what I have to look forward to once I return to work. I've also received some good tips---thank you.
-- Mona Lisa

Hey Everyone,
Looks like we are all in the same boat, no matter how large or small our families seem to be. The waters can get rough and after reading everyone's stories, I realize WE can ALL stay afloat if we stick together. So very glad I came to this site. It is comforting to know I am not the only one who is bailing water from time to time and if my ship sinks (meaning the laundry and dishes have drowned me...tee hee) I'll just yell "Land Hoooooh!" while sticking a giant skull flag into the mountain of dirty clothes and the kids and I will play pirates for a while!!! Never forget your sense of humor...it has always helped me get out of a "shipwrecked house."

-- Ginger

To Melody- I have never answered one of these, but after reading your entry, I felt I had to. No one tells you how tired and stressed you're going to be. I have never in my life been as tired as I was the first year after my now 5-yrold was born, and he was a sleeper! You are not alone. As you can see, we (almost all of us) are in the same boat. It does get better little by little, and you will get the hang of it. You say your husband will help, but falls asleep. Wake him up-- gently --and tell him what you want. If he forgets, tell him again. I agree that they (men) are a product of society, but enough is enough. If we just let it go, they will remain that way. Pray everyday to whomever you believe in to give you the strength to keep going. And look at that baby's face, hands, feet, etc. and know that it is worth it. Find one thing that really bugs you that's not being done (vacuuming,dishes, meals,dusting, etc.) or that you miss really bad (time alone, reading,exercise, shopping,seeing friends, taking a bath--mine was reading) and either tell your husband, a friend, your sister or your Mom to see if they could help you. I have very little time to myself and I should probably dust and vaccum when I am reading, but I have to to keep my sanity.The hardest thing is asking for help- it seems people that love you should see that you are hanging by a thread, but they don't-- I think people forget how tiring and overwhelming it is and our Mom's don't always understand that working and taking care of a baby and a husband and a house is a whole different ballgame from what some of them went through! I have learned that I am my worst critic, my house doesn't have to be perfect, I don't have to be perfect and my son doesn't have to be perfect. I give up cleaning and shopping time to read to my son and play with him. One thing my husband is good at-- he runs by the store and keeps us in milk, bread, whatever else I tell him. It's the little things that count sometimes. Good Luck and keep your chin up.
-- Peg

I tend to think at times that I am the only one out there with Patrice's crazy way of doing things if anything this will not help my schedule but Im glad Im not alone in this thing called life. Finding time for homework and all the signings of the papers from school is the hardest I tend to at times miss the small details thank God for atleast the calender that reminds me of things on my computer daily. Thanks for all the comments to everyone.
-- Cathy

I'm amazed at this site. Also the topic. If we all look at the comments, we can come to the conclusion, we are all way too busy, and were all too busy in our own ways.
I'm a mom of 3 of only 2 live at home.
One is 19 and had to move back home because he found out fun costs money. Hes lucky i love him and will let him and will help him start to learn to manage his money.
The other is 14 and a very active sports boy.
I do have a 22 daughter that is a single mom on her own and is doing quite nicely. Growing up very well after being such a rebel. She also has a very busy 2 year old. Yes i'm a grandma also at age 42 and i love it. Oh i forgot i do have a husband of 22 years also. And yes i do forget him once in awhile, its a good thing he does know i love him.
One thing i have learned, life is to short to be way too busy. Isn't it sad that it takes a tradgedy to slow us down. Now when my sons fight and wrestle in the house, i let them.
when my grandson makes a mess -i let him. Its all cleanable.
When i need a dayoff from work-i take it . I'm not indespendible. Someone there is always ready to take my place.
My advice to everyone--slow down. Enjoy these times with your kids. Maybe its empty nest sydrome or just being a grandmother that has taught me these things i don't know. But i am learning-- what you think is important-that what people will see in your house--isn't!!!
Don't Kill yourself trying to keep up. Stay behind and enjoy the view..
-- Tammy

I am a busy working mother of three beautiful
girls, ages 7, 27 months, and 13 months. We live
in the beautiful rural mountains of Idaho, about
one hour out of Boise. I commute to and from
work every day for an hour, with the 2- and
1-year-old. I drop my 7-year-old off at her
grandparens' house in the morning, and my
father-in-law takes her to the bus stop. The
fact that I live in a rural area keeps me
working. I think I'd go crazy being home with
the girls and no close neighbor to associate with.
Other times, however, the commute gets to me,
especially when there's four feet of snow outside
and there's a blizzard going on. I sometimes
get frustrated while driving because the two
babies are so noisy and are now competing for my
attention. I would like to hear from other
mothers who also have a long commute and
have to drive with their kids. How do you keep your
sanity and from being distracted, which can be
very dangerous? Thanks.

Susan
-- Susan

STRESS FACTORS
1: I am a working mother of girls 3&6.They constantly fight.

2: I have husband who is a perfectionist.

3: I have a new job as a senior executive for a department store.

4: I have a comparable schedule as all previous moms.CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5: I try not to look in the mirror.Blunt evidence of time wizzing by.

THANK GOD FOR HOT BATHS,PREPPARED FOODS,DRIVE THROUGH BANKS-DRY CLEANERS-FAST FOOD, LOW FAT FOODS,TIME MANAGEMENT TOOLS,COMEDY NETWORK &
WEB SIGHTS LIKE THESE.

-- GILLIAN

This is a reply to Susan's post about driving with her two babies:

My sons (now 7 & 8) are also 14 months apart. My advice to you, first of all, be prepared for the long haul. You have literally years ahead of you where they will be noisy in the car. My husband just can't take it. Finally he started wearing earplugs while driving - this was when they went through a stage when they would compete to see who could scream the loudest.

While driving my kids over the years, they unbucked each others carseat belts, hit each other with the buckle end, rolled the windows down and pretended to shoot the passing cars, leaned way out the windows, laughed too hard and started choking and threw up, and once one threw a lunchbox at his brother and hit me on the back of the head instead.

What we did: our car didn't have childlocks on the passenger doors, so we had the dealer disengage the door handles on the inside. That way I knew they wouldn't throw themselves out in a fit of temper. The childlock switch for the windows is constantly on, because they wouldn't listen to me about leaning out the windows. Only this year, they are starting to understand and I can let them put their windows down.

Yelling didn't work, neither did spanking, so I quit doing it. I've pulled over many times and stood outside the car to get my composure. I've worn the earplugs, too on occasion. When we take family trips, I drive and let my husband handle the discipline, because it was too stressful on me to try to keep the kids in line while he was driving. I let them play gameboy in the car. I tried cassette tapes and the radio, but they would just get louder. What works well is books on tape, believe it or not. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and Kipling's Just So Stories kept them mesmerized.

I finally realized that the calmer I have learned to keep myself, the more they have calmed down. This has been hard, since I'm a real type-A and noisy environments just push me over the edge. The best thing you can do is take care of yourself, because the only thing to prop you up is your own health, mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual.
-- Debbie

i dont stay ahead i stay behind. i have 4 kids, one in college 3 at home.one whom has down syndrome/even though he is almost 16 he is really like a 5 yr old. i get up at 6am let the dog out /thank the lord above my husband made coffee/grab a cup go back upstairs wake 3 kids /go back downstairs/sit in the living room enjoying 5 min of peace that needs to last the next 12hrs.1st child my son, needs to hugged kissed,and told for the millionth plus time to get dressed /the other 2 are self suffiencent need only slight guidance on whats exceptable to wear and no you cant wear the shirt you found on the bottom of the pile of clean clothes (i hope) it is wrinkled,no you cant wear it,why?because i said so.just like my mom lol.now we get to breakfast/6:45 i head upstairs to get a shower exactly 5 min/and get dressed/come back downstairs/do my makeup and hair/oh that cup of coffee its cold by now and its time to get the other 2 to the bus stop/i leave for work when ther youngest bus picks him up or i take him/7:25/breakfast for me (not).work til 5:00 at a job i love and desperately need to pay for college.leave work tired drive home and open the door to my haven with the kids i adore.dinner to make/nintendo to be played with my kids/homework/awaiting for my husband to come home and then we sit down to eat as a family.after dinner which is at 7:00 we sit and think about the wash that i need to fold,my kids help with chores but what doesnt happen during the week gets done on the weekend.kids take turns taking showers/turn off tv at 8:30 they each have 30min to get clothes ready /bookbags filled/have a snack then off to bed by 9pm.thats when i go upstairs and off to bed to rest/sleep and think about all the things i need to do that i wont get to til by day off.the papyoff is im a great mom who works to support my kids so they can go to college/im pretty good at nintendo/i love my husband and my kids.the wash will never end clothes can wait...i need to go to sleep and rest for the next day.
-- linda

I would like to add a couple of comments to these most interesting entries. Do you ever wonder what we might be missing when it seems most-to-all of our energy is spent just trying to keep up? I notice in our neighborhood that, of our immediate neighbors, two families go to church on a regular basis. Guess what? Those are the two families with stay at home moms. I suppose I only have myself to blame ("if there's a will there's a way") but I just can't seem to take that chunk of time from my weekends (laundry, cleaning, cooking, catch-up with 27-month-old time, etc. etc. etc....).

Another thing I'd like to add....I recently turned down another position. It would have been an excellent job with a HUGH pay increase. It would have offered much less flexiblility, with more hours added to my already 40 hour work week, however. To me it was worth it to sacrifice the extra money for the availablility I have to take my son to the doctors when he's ill and to be able to keep him home from day care when he's ill instead of trying to patch him together and send him. Also, I like being able to spend a few extra minutes with him in the morning when I drop him off, especially when he needs it (he periodically transitions through different rooms at day care, and sometimes he just needs a little extra "mommy time"). It sure is nice to be able to offer that. Maybe we should be mindful of ways to send employers messages so that one day more of them can be family friendly. (That money would have been helpful, mind you... we don't live lavishly...no cleaning lady, gourmet cook, etc.) It's amazing that my husband and I are two well-educated folks but really lead very average (financial) lives.

Sometimes I find it difficult to look at the lives of those women who stay at home. My sister and I have always been very close but I think the differences in our lives (& my lack of time) has dramatically changed the amount of time we spend together. It's nice to think back to a time where neighbors had time to really get to know one another. Families had time to really spend together....Uggh.

P.S. Ever notice that the most aggressive (& I hate to say obnoxious) drivers are often women in SUV's? That's because they're all stressed out mom's racing from one job (work) to the next job (home).........
-- Laurie

This is how I stay ahead! I'm married, have an 11 month old son, work and go to school full-time. I work 40 hrs per week, and go to school 3 nights a week from 6:00-9:00 pm to earn my Bachelor's Degree. My day starts at 6:00 am, I get up, take a shower, get dressed, do my hair and makeup. I get the baby's clothes ready for the day, then wake him up by 7am. (My husband is already gone, he leaves for work by 6:15am) He'll have a bottle and some Cheerios before my mother picks him up for the day at 7:15am. (he'll have breakfast with her) My husband picks him up by 3pm, then gives him dinner, and plays with him until I get home. 3 nights a week I get home after 10pm, the other 2 nights I'm home by 6:30 pm. I cook dinner on my "early nights" (usually something quick - raviolis, chicken cutlets or spaghetti), wash the dishes and play with the baby as much as I can before he goes to bed by 9:00pm. I try to get as much cleaning done around the house as possible so I don't have to do it on the weekends. My husband and I food shop on Friday nights, I get up early on Sunday mornings and do laundry. Saturday morning I do all of the "big" cleaning. I clean the bathroom, sweep and mop the kitchen floor, make beds, clean up the baby's room. My husband cooks dinner on the nights I go to school. He usually spends most of the night playing with the baby, so the dishes are usually in the sink when I get home. Sometimes I do them, sometimes not. I work in the city, so it's very convenient to run my errands during my lunch hour. I go to the bank, to the pharmacy, post office, or I catch up on my schoolwork. I study on the train to and from work (I have a 40 minute commute each way)or I read after the baby is asleep. I set my work clothes out the night before (even my underwear and stockings). If I have to iron I quickly do that in the morning before the baby is up. I've stopped stressing myself out over the house, I'd rather spend my weekends with my family then spend them trying to keep up with my house. As long as the bathroom is in decent order, the cat box is clean, the rugs don't have too must fuzz all over them, and we all have clean laundry, that's all that matters! Thank goodness for my mother, who helps us out a lot. She'll watch the baby anytime we need a free night alone, or my husband spends quality time with him if I need a night out with the girls. Sunday evenings are spent at my mom's house for a family dinner. There are days when I'm so tired I can't see straight, but having my little boy in my life makes it all worth it!
-- Lea

I too am in the same boat as all you above. Although I am only part time I find it so hard to juggle things to keep afloat. I have two kids 3 1/2 and 5 1/2 years old. A husband whoom I consider a kid himself as he diesnt help out at all. LOL. Anyway my typical day is I go to bed from work at 3:00am. I get the kids up at 7am every morning to get ready for school. One is in pre-K so she is only gone half the day and the other does a full day. Between 6 to 8am I do the breaksfast, packing of lunches, clothes ready, hair and teeth brushing, etc. No time for me to eat. I walk the dog while doing this and just have enough time to pick up messes from that morning. Then off to the school bus, carseat and all because I have a child under 4 years of age that is on the bus. When I get back home around 9am the daycare children come so it is a full day of that. Around 1am the afternoon bus arrives and I get my youngest off. Whew. I ask her about her day, put stuff away, etc, and daycare at the same time. Around 3:10pm We all walk down to the other bus stop to get my other kid off the bus and walk back. Do the same routine with her. Daycare kids leave around 5. I make dinner and spend time with my children. 5:30 husband comes home. They eat while I get ready for work at night. I dont eat and still havent. So by 6pm I am on my way to my manager job. I work until 1am in a high stress situation. I eat on my 30 minute lunch there. When I come home after work is when I do all the house work including dishes etc. Oh on my lunch I also tuck the kids to bed at 8:30 and read them a short story.... So I get about 3 maybe 4 hours of sleep a night. Dark circles under my eyes but it is totally worth it. As soon as I get more kids enrolled in my daycare I can leave my night job and I can't wait. Feel as though I am not spedning enough time with my children but these days you need more then one job. That is my story. Bless you all.
-- TJ

Hello, everyone. I am a mother of five children ranging in ages from 15 years old down to 4 months. My days are pretty similiar to everyone else's except my husband works days and I work during the evenings. We have daycare in the middle for the children. I have to admit I was feeling kinda depressed with things this week, like no one understood. Then I happened to come across this site and I feel so much better to know I am not alone! It is like one of you said, "been then, done that"! I am beginning to truly believe it doesn't matter what the house looks like (to a point), what really matters is the time you spend together as a family. For us most of our family time is spent with school and church activities, but we are there together as family. I think we all need to take a moment to pat ourselves on the back for all we do! You go girls!
-- Debi

I finally had the "time" to stop by this site and it is a blessing! Thank God I am not the only one out there who works full time and raises a entire family. I have four children ages 14, 12, 6 and 5. Kids are a blessing from the Lord. My schedule is about the same as all the others: 5:30 rising to 10:30 or sometimes later bedtime for myself. This particular weekend was especially busy. Helping a friend move, laundry, cleaning and church on Sunday. Sometimes I am so fatigued that I can hardly stand. I have made up in my mind that I will not continue to push myself beyond the limit of what I can do. I try to keep my desk at work in order so that if I do have to take "unplanned" time off, I can do this without worry. It is hard for me at times though. I am really wanting to work from my home so that I can concentrate more on my children. Many of their activities are cut in half due to my work schedule along with the hubby's. He helps me out greatly! He runs the errands, pays the bills, takes kids to school, ect. On the other hand, I handle the details of the home, cleaning, organizing, laundry, homework, disciplining, entertainment, schedules, ect. I am truly blessed. Sometimes the house isn't always organized. The kids may just want to play and relax rather than rush and clean. I let them and we try to make up for the rest later. Life is short. Prioritize our lives in order...God first, then family, then careers or worklife. I was a stay a home mom several times during the raising of our children. Even homeschooled for a year and it was great. Nothing can take the place of being a mom. Not the big career, not the laundry or the pressing schedules...
Hope that this has encouraged you moms out there...the kids will not be small forever...they grow up.

-- Carmen

Susan-

I have a long commute and fortunatley don't have to bring my daughter on it. However, she still is not tolerant of being strapped in a car seat for a long period of time. My husband brings her to daycare as it is where he works. some things he does since she is still a baby is gives her a bottle to drink while he is driving in the am. in the pm he may give her a snack that she can eat without a lot of fuss and mess. ( cereal bar, raisins).

On the note of commutes in general. Mine is 1 1/2 hr and it is stressful to be so far away esp as my husband gets business trips out of town overnight. when that happens i end up having to take vacation time because between work and commuting hours i am gone too long to do drop off or pick up during the allotted hours. this causes me stress at having to take vacation time and to try to beat the clock. I am able to work closer to home a couple days of week (it does take the edge off). However, am unable to work closer to home everyday. I also do not have family nearby to help in a pinch. It is me and my husband. Thankful to have a husband who is a devoted father. He does all the cooking (i do all dishes), we have a housecleaner and I do laundry when I can and other stuff. He does the yardwork when he can. We like to do stuff together as a family so I am never 100 percent caught up. But it was a saving grace with the tiring commute to not have to scrub toilets and vacuum. So if you don't have a cleaner you may wish to get one. I figure with the 13-15 hrs of commuting I don't need to waste 5 or more on the cleaning.
-- chris

I skimmed through this (not enough time to read them
all!) and didn't see much about us Nightowls...
I need dynamite to get out of bed at 6:30am, which
gives me enough time to wake my son, make some coffee
and a sippy cup of warm milk. I crawl back into bed
with my toddler and my husband and we hav a family cuddle
while our boy drinks his morning milk. Then it's off
to the shower, get ready for work and out the door by 7:30.
Getting the boy ready for daycare and dropping him off is
his father's job. He has healthy breakfast by 8:15 at the center.

I spend my lunches doing the occasional errand, but mostly
I serf the web and eat lunch at my desk - not much time
to goof off on the computer at home.

I get my son at 5:30 (no overtime for me!) and we fix
dinner for him and have playtime with the dog. Bathtime
is worked in here, and a few books. My husband works
late a lot (he's in sales) so dinner for the adults
is not until 8:30 most nights. Our son has a little
of what we're having, to keep it social.

Bedtime for baby is usually at 8:30, sometimes past
nine if he's fired up and in a good humor. I'm not strict
on bedtime, quality time is more important than a rigid
schedule.

I get the kitchen cleaned up around 10pm, maybe do a
few chores, work on my scrapbook, and try to get my
lunch packed. But mostly, this is time for the big people.
I'd rather snuggle with my hubby by the tv than have
a sparkling clean house.

We usually don't get to sleep until midnight.

Major housecleaning and laundry is saved for Sunday. My
husband and I take turns with the ironing, but we prefer
to get it all done while watching c-span or a movie.

Groceries are picked up Sunday afternoon, usually while
Daddy watches the boy. Sometime my son and I do shopping
after daycare, but it's twice the work chasing a two
year old around a store!

I don't worry about being caught up. Things get done
when they need too. I figure I'll have plenty of time
to have a tidy home after my son goes off to college.

-- Denise

Here's some stuff that has worked for me. I have 4 kids, aged 16, 14, 12 and 9 (who are in several extra curricular activities). I'm a full time working professional (some call) with a husband who's self-employed.
(1)When the kids were a little younger, I worked different variations of par time, but wherever possible i scheduled one full day a week NOT working, which really saved my sanity. I could clean the house some with no people in it, start the kind of cooking or baking projects that you have to stick around for, NOT wear dressy work clothes, volunteer at school or attend a women's Bible study, and generally feel energized by time alone for ME.
(2)We have ALWAYS made time for church on Sunday, and it (and making a day of rest from week-day work, even if not from chores) really makes a difference in recharging both physically and spiritually and maintaining the strength to go on.
(3)Make a weekly menu schedule. It makes life SO much easier. I can plan for leftovers or start a meal a few days ahead, I avoid the last minute microwave thawing, and I plan around what I have, so no (or fewer) last minute substitutions.
I have a stable of quick or make ahead meals. I use a crock pot a LOT (brown meat, chop vegs and fill it the night before), I make double of many dishes and fill the freezer, and I've learned how wonderful a pressure cooker can be (freshly made stew or curry in less than 10 minutes!) I also use SOME pre-made meals, like store-frozen lasagna, or storeBBQ chicken served with couscous (one minute to cook) but try to limit those to nights where that's the only option. On Sundays we have bread & jam & cheese after, church, then I put a raost and vegs in the oven and go read or play with the kids and we eat when it's done.
(4)Time with kids is important. A clean house is optional. I do what I can (of course it's never enough) but I DON'T obsess about tidiness.
(5) I count my blessings --like my large size washing machine! I have lived in Africa where even a "fully automatic" washer did a tiny load and had to be watched. Now, I run a load when I leave for work, and another when I go to bed, and when convenient I stick it in the dryer.
(6) I put all children's socks in a big box, for them to identify. Now that they're older, they'r responsible for collecting their clean clothes too.
(7) If it needs dry cleaning, ironing or hand washing, I don't buy it. (I use the permapress dryer cycle for everything)
(8) A dishwasher is a wonderful thing.
(9) My husband does all the grocery shopping now and keeps the freezer and pantry stocked. Before, I took the small children along grocery shopping. First stop was always the produce dept, where they were allowed to pick any fruit, watermelon slice etc. (price labels stuck on a bag) which was a treat for them and saved whining later.
(I always end my day with a long soak in the tub and a book. (Sometimes in re-used bath water, mind you) THat's where I de-stress.
I don't have (or make) the time for exercise that I know I should. I try to play sports (catch, badminton)with the kids.
We plan family activities together like board games or video night.
Now that I'm working full time and don't have the time or energy for creative home pursuits, my teenaged daughters have jumped in! One is a better baker than I will ever be and does it to relax. The other could give Martha Stewart a run for her money with gardening and crafts. It's not exactly gracious living, but more than I'd ever hoped for.
I am NOT a morning person. so getting up at 6:30 is always hard. I know I should go to sleep earlier, but often watching theLate show together is the only time my husband and I have to connect.
-- Beatrice

It's not an easy task by any means. I have had people tell me before that it just can't be done but I try and stay ahead as much as possible by planning ahead of time. I get up 1/2 hour early in the moring to put a load of laundry in and do the dishes. I pack lunches the night before and have cloths ironed and ready to go. I plan dinners for the week on Sundays. All of this just adds for less stress during the week when you're trying to get it ALL done. I comend anyone who is a parent for every effort made to DO IT ALL! But it is all worth it!
-- Jamie, Warren, PA,, daugher Madison, 14 months

I'm new to the site and to using this method of discussion, be patient. I am attempting to enter into the discussion... is it an ongoing one throughout the week? I am SO moved by what I have read, I know this will be a terrific support site. I too leave unmade beds and dirty dishes as I head out the door. I no longer feel guilty and my 2 teens are pretty good at supporting. Allowing myself to lessen my expectations of the 'perfect home' has made my life easier....society can give us warped ideas of what 'should be'....Dee
-- Dee

I am a single mom with a very active 15-month-old boy. Every morning, I try to get up before he does, so I can have a few minutes to dress and prepare myself for the long day. We leave for the daycare center after his bottle of milk, and then I am off to work. I work as an editor for a large internet company. I like very much my work and the work environment (recently, I was involved in an art project, it was very interesting but the work environment was terrible - it is amazing how much the quality in you life can change with little details). By the time we are both back at home again, it is dinner time (around 7-8PM), which usually is a small battle, since he is more concerned on having fun with the food... then I try to spend at least one hour listening to his music, reading books or just playing together - hoping he will sleep before 10PM. THEN, I can have dinner myself, change my clothes, check the mail, call someone, watch tv, and pick up after the mess of our quality time . It is amazing: every night it is like a small hurricane has passed through my apartment! Week-ends are like this: mornings to complete chores and afternoons for fun. Evenings to relax and/or be with (grown-up) friends. I really try to stick to this plan, otherwise, it is too easy to let yourself and the house go, and just sit in front of the tv trying to convice the kid to watch with you or let him play alone in the room. But then... time passes so fast and we don't feel pretty or interesting anymore, we don't learn to appreciate little things and small moments, we even miss out important discoveries about/from our child.

Of course my house isn't spotless; my hair could use a cut more often; my clothes sometimes cry for better ironing; my fridge is never full; and so ... but nothing to stress out or feel sad about, because on the other hand: I still feel interested on other people's opinions and ideas; my son comes to me for everything - he trusts me!; my friends still count on me for long talks or walks...

That's how I try to keep up with everything. (to stay ahead is maybe over-rated...) I try to appreaciate life as much as possible for the little things, so when something big happens it is a real treat ! - and if I am down, angry or confused: I look at my boy or his photos and in my heart I know it will be all right.




-- sofia

WOW! Reading these posts on this site I just found were amazing. You are all amazing women! I too am a working mom and have had the hardest time finding a site that caters to this to my liking. I think I found it ! Im freaking out thinking about going back to work in 3 weeks after having my 3rd child. The other two are 2 and 4 yrs old. So as you can imagine my day is also quite busy to say the least. After a usual day of activities w/ 3 babes, Hubby comes home at 4 and its off I go to work at 5 pm until 2 am. I am an rn in a busy ER. (and 2 am is good if I get out on time) Hubby isnt the most neatest person with the house,as evidenced by the tons of toys everywere but I can rest assured the kids are well cared for. I am the one who supports the family financially and sometimes the "burden" of it overwhelms me. Its just been recently he asked just how much the mortagage was, he had no clue the first yr. I try to keep focused with the fact that someday I will be able to sleep, and perhaps some xtra activities for me,when they are all in school and how blessed that we are that I need to work only 3-4 days a week. I joke around alot with telling my self that the health dept isnt knocking on the door, so my house is clean enough for that. lol Now if I could quit being obsessive about it. I really dont want my kids to remember me as the parent who offered chores and asking for help with them at this age as getting to spend time with me. As I type this post now I am nursing, so the reason for typos. :)
-- AnnMarie

With full time custody of my 11 year old grandaughter, both of my parents in wheelchairs living with me, a non-helping spouse, a grown son who drops in once a week and a full time career that requires overtime because of a special project due at year end, I don't even try to keep up. If i can just keep the bathroom from growing black or pink stuff I say 'if you visit my house be fore-warned i don't have a maid and i'm not going to go to the looney bin trying to be SUPERWOMAN!!!' ...and to think at one time in my life my floors were so clean you could eat off of them...I've come a looooong way!
-- Linda

I am 21 and the mother of three. I am married, and my husband is a lot like the way Sissy described. He does not help much, but when he does, I am ever so grateful. I actually don't work right now, but I am in school full time. I quit my job about three weeks ago because daycare was actually costing more than what I could make. I should have actually read this e-mail when I was working, going to school, and being a mother. Try that one!!! The one thing that I learned is that your house will never be as clean as you want it. You can clean and clean and clean, and there will still be something left to clean. Trust me, I have been cleaning for these three weeks like crazy out of boredom. I am amazed that some of you have time to exercise. I don't even have time to sit down, even now that I am home. Someone commented on how they took a day off to clean or do whatever to make them feel like they were in control. This works great!! I used to do it about once a week. It will make you feel good about yourself if your house is clean, and you will get time to yourself. My three children (Caleb-4, Cody-2, and Jayden-19 months) keep me on my toes, but I love my life and my family, as I am sure all of you do. I also loved working. The main thing to remember is that you CAN do it. And you do do it every day. Congratulate yourself!!!!!
-- Amanda

Hi, pig-fucker. Shove this up your asshole and suck on it.
-- Bucker

9 mos son 6 year stepson (weekends only)
Up at 5:15 Shower, Dress, Makeup. Get Baby and DH up at 5:45 Dress Baby (5:55 tell DH to get the heck out of bed before I dump water on him)6:00 family breakfast make bottles for the dayhome. 6:20 clean up baby, into snowsuit (Canada!)6:30 DH off to work, baby and me walk to dayhome. 6:45 Drop off baby,chat with sitter, walk to bus stop. 6:55 Express bus down town (only one, if I miss it I'm hooped)7:30 start work. 5:00 leave work, no express home, so it takes an hour. DH picks up baby at 4:45 and makes dinner. 6:00 family meal, then until 8:00 we play with baby. He goes to bed around 8:00 then we both clean house like mad for 1/2 hour. 8:30 set out clothes and make lunches sometimes workout. (DH goes to gym)9:00 do homework for weekend university course. Bed 10:00. 10:05 baby starts crying, settle him down again. Weekends just as crazy, but sometimes I get to sleep in.
-- christina

I've been coming back to this site but this page hasn't been updated in a very long time. Wonder what's up with that?

We use the crockpot alot for our dinners. Sometimes I'll make a lasagna or other meal at night before going to bed, then put it in the fridge. It's ready to bake as soon as we get home from work the next night. There's a new recipe out for lasagna - you don't have to cook the noodles first. That saves a lot of time. Just do everything the same as usual, but put down uncooked noodles in the pan.

We're doing extensive remodeling right now, it's been on going for a few months, so the house is very dirty, and it drags me down. We've let a lot go during the project, and life hasn't stopped. Don't let a little dirt get you down!
-- Kelly

I am a 20 year old student at the University of California at Davis. I stumbled upon this site while doing research for a Women's Studies paper on women, wages, and welfare. I must say, you women, moms, working moms, single moms, all of you are what keep this society running. I respect and admire all of you. Without your countless efforts to take care of your children, support them financially as well as emotionally, everything would fall to pieces. I respect and admire all of you, for your wisdom, care, motivation, insight, perserverence, and determination. Your lives are not easy by any means. I can sit here in my apartment in my place of white, heterosexual, middle class, privilage, and learn about all the things that are wrong with society today, but when the day is over, I get to close the book and walk away. I have that privilage. But I am a woman, and to some people in this world, that can be seen as a disadvantage, a source of oppression.
Someday I will have a family and work as well as all of you. And there are a lot of things out there that will try and stop me because I am a woman. But I won't let them. Because of all the hard work that you all do. I know it can be done because you have shown me that it can. thank you. For everything.
-- jennifer

This is a great site -saving me from dispair,, and I don't do as much as most of you.
I'm in a residency training program which means long hrs and little pay and am back to work with a 6wk old and 2yr old. I wake up at 6am to pump and get ready for work and don't come home till 7-10pm at nite plus have to do call 3-4 out of 5 wkends a month. My nanny, mother, sisters and husband make it possible but needless to say every waking moment is taken with things to do from the moment I set foot at home. All but 1 of my female collegues are single or married without children and have no idea..., once someone wanted me to work extra for her to go on a skiing trip...
reading about you all helps a great deal. Thank you
-Chichi

-- Chichi

I find a full-time nanny and cleaner immensely helpful. Life is simply impossible without them.
-- Jayney

I am up at 5:30 am, I take a shower get dressed then I get my 16 month old boy up at 6:30.
we have a warm bottle and get him dressed. then we are out the door by 7:00 am. we go by
chick-fil-a for a egg and cheee biscuit. I'd rather pay the money for a nice hot
breakfast than a bowl of cereal that is loaded with sugar. My husband leaves for work at 5:00 am
and doesn't return unitl 7 pm. I drop my son off at daycare at 7:15, I go in and get him
settled in, fix his biscuit for him and make sure he has something to drink. I leave and get to work
by 8 am. I work until 2:30 or 3 pm. I do not get a lunch so therefore I can not run errands. I pick my son
up by 4:00 pm and then we go home and play, I fix dinner when I can for me and him and save daddys for
when he gets home. We have dinner about 5 or 5:30 and I give my son a bath at 6:30 and he is in bed by 7 or 7:30. By
this time I am wore out and dont feel like doing much. I spend a little time with my hubby. The weekends are a disaster
I usually spend all my weekend time catching up on stuff I didnt getto do or finish thru the week. How in the world do you women do it all???
-- Debbie

I don't think people do do it all. I call this the supermom syndrom. Most of us were raised to do well and to be conscientious in our work, but mothers are pulled in many different directions...you won't be able to do everything as well as you would like. Something has to give. Set your priorities of what you feel you "have to do"...and start eliminating what isn't absolutely necessary. Don't worry about cleaning as much..it will wait. Be sure to take time for yourself, alone. Otherwise you will start feeling alittle used.
More practical advice. When you cook, cook big and freeze for later. Have your husband help on the week-ends. Plan your meals out together, get your list, and shop for one or two weeks together. I don't know how much money you have coming in, but many ladies I work with have a cleaning lady once a week just to do floors, bathrooms, and dust.
It sounds as if you are doing a lot of stop and go driving in the morning with the biscuit stop. Eliminate it because of the time you spend. This will give you almost a whole half an hour in the morning.Besides, it is really fattening!!! Find something healthy at home that is quick, and you will end two stops in the morning. Poached eggs are easy in the morning in the microwave. When you drop your boy off...drop him off instead of going in to supervise everything. You need to start relying on others to do their job. Good luck. My favorite saying is "And this too shall pass." meaning that in just a brief time, you will be on to a different phase of your life, wondering why you thought the last one was so bad.
-- Stephanie

All of you seem to have some good ideas. Me? I can only ask for them. I wake up at 5:30, make lunch for my husband and myself, take a shower, iron, get ready for work, pack an extra bag for my son if I have school that night (3 nights a week)wake up my toddler and get him dressed and get out the door by preferably 7:00 but not until 7:30 if there is a tantrum that throws our routine out of whack. I drop my son off at preschool or the sitters, depending on the day, go to work from 8:30-5:30 and go to school M, W, and Th from 6:00 to 9:15. My husband does not help me with the housework so I do it all on the weekends and vow to only wash dishes and pick up here and there during the week. On the weekends me or my husband cooks every night and that usually leaves us enought leftovers for the week. I only cook on Tuesday nights during the week. Sure, there may be laundry or vacuuming to do but I figure I kill myself all week long mothering, wifing, working, and schooling that I do not need to bother with it. My husband often complains about the house being a mess but I just ask him what is stopping him from helping out and he either does or doesn't and shuts up for the moment. I have learned the hard way that you absolutely cannot do it all in every area of your life, so I give as must as I can (but the best of what I do give) to every area. The thing I would like to find time to do is go to the gym. School nights are too late and the other nights I would feel guilty because that is the time I spend with my son. I figure when I am finished with school there will be time for that.
-- Paige

All of you seem to have some good ideas. Me? I can only ask for them. I wake up at 5:30, make lunch for my husband and myself, take a shower, iron, get ready for work, pack an extra bag for my son if I have school that night (3 nights a week)wake up my toddler and get him dressed and get out the door by preferably 7:00 but not until 7:30 if there is a tantrum that throws our routine out of whack. I drop my son off at preschool or the sitters, depending on the day, go to work from 8:30-5:30 and go to school M, W, and Th from 6:00 to 9:15. My husband does not help me with the housework so I do it all on the weekends and vow to only wash dishes and pick up here and there during the week. On the weekends me or my husband cooks every night and that usually leaves us enought leftovers for the week. I only cook on Tuesday nights during the week. Sure, there may be laundry or vacuuming to do but I figure I kill myself all week long mothering, wifing, working, and schooling that I do not need to bother with it. My husband often complains about the house being a mess but I just ask him what is stopping him from helping out and he either does or doesn't and shuts up for the moment. I have learned the hard way that you absolutely cannot do it all in every area of your life, so I give as must as I can (but the best of what I do give) to every area. The thing I would like to find time to do is go to the gym. School nights are too late and the other nights I would feel guilty because that is the time I spend with my son. I figure when I am finished with school there will be time for that. I manage the money and pay the bills twice a month and use my lunch hour to do it. Sometimes if we get out the door on time I can run into the grocery store and grab a few shelf items. I usually do my shopping Sunday evenings, I've even gone so far as to wait until 9 at night when my son was sleeping and go then. Believe it or not it is a lot quicker because not many people will go to those lengths to fit their shopping in. I do most of the parenting because my husband is. . . a man? If that's the excuse. If I want things done, I usually have to do them myself or be prepared to wait. . . for a long time.
-- Paige

-- audrey

I read these comments with tears in my eyes.
I only have a few things to offer that i have done to try and make things easier:
1. get everything ready the night before, this includes backpacks, clothes, lunches, etc and breakfast stuff set out (not milk of course)
2. Hire a housekeeper
3. Of course not everyone can do this, but my stress level dropped dramatically when we moved from New Jersey to Iowa. Shorter commutes and less income stress have been more helpful than I ever imagained,
I wish all of you well and best of luck with all of your juggling acts.

-- Cathy

My God. Have you looked at the quantity of tasks
on these postings? Society is not honest about the
realities faced by working/student mothers. We may
juggle successfully but at what psychological cost?

We NEED to start telling others--particularly
the upcoming generation of young women about our
experiences so they can make INFORMED CHOICES when
planning their lives and careers before it is too
late. Doing all this work is surely not liberating
at all. I ask myself everyday if I am truly free.
I am not.
-- Sheryl

If any of you are teachers, please tell me how you stay on top of your school work, and do all of your other daily routines too? I teach 3rd grade. I find it very stressful trying to stay ahead. I finally realized that i just have to take it slow. My main concern is taking care of my baby and husband. The rest will take care of itself. The important thing is to have fun and be happy!
-- Susan

Susan: Why can't you're husband take care of
himself? He's a grown-up. Sounds like you have
your hands full.

-- Sheryl

I have enjoyed reading everyone's responses.
It's allows me to feel like I'm not the only one.
I'm a new mother, my daughter is 6 months old. I
work full-time and I'm going to graduate school
to get my Master's Degree in Public Health. My husband
who is a BIG help is a paramedic working nights and going
to school during the day to get his BS degree.
Here are some helpful hints I've come up with:
1. Make bottles, lunches etc... the night before
2. Worried about not getting exercise? I
walk 10 flights of steps on my breaks at work
and do sit ups and push-ups in the morning and
night. I've 5 lbs less than I was before I got pregnant
3. BE ORGANIZED....IT'S THE ONLY WAY
I spend the weekends hanging out with my daughter, because we don't get
too much time together during the week.
5:15am- Up, exercise,get me ready
5:45am- baby up and ready
6:30- at daycare
7:00-5:30 at work
6:00pm pick up baby
6:15-7:00 run with baby at beach(running stroller)
7:15 dinner for whole family
7:30- play time
8:30- bath time
9:00- bed for the baby
9:00-11:00- studying

Any ideas for me to better organize?????

-- TINA

This site is great! I relate to all of you. This fall, I was going through a very difficult time and saw my doctor, who, based off of my conditions and past medical history, diagnosed me with a mild case of depression/anxiety. After about 6 weeks of St. John's Wort, I felt fantastic and am handling things much better. Good luck and health to all of us!
-- Alicia

I am a working mother/wife of a 2-year-old daughter and
a 24-year-old husband. I was reading all of these entries
and I been laughing, teary, and relating.
One question though: Why is everyone so worried about exercise?
What do you think your doing every day? You're certainly not
couch potatoes. Unless it helps you to relax or
relieve stress, I'd say we all get enough exercise
in our daily routines.
-- Holly

I know it's hard. And I only had to work part-time. But what I want you to know is this..those of you with children...I wish I had realized how fast those days would pass! I am now facing an empty nest without my daugher (my second of two and who was the light of my life) who is now on her own. I face every day with tears threatening to loose themselves at any moment. Going to the grocery store and realizing there is no point in buying their favorite lunch to pack, no more picking out that perfect backpack or the clothes they would just die for. No more screaming for them to score at a ball game. No more calming a fear or dancing silly in the living room. No more thank-you's for those little things you did for them. No more hugs at bed-time. I would give anything to do it all over again.
-- Tina

I am 23 years old (in 2 weeks), 9 months pregnant, with a two year old and three step children ages 4,7, and 10 all living with me. I work an hour from home at a (fortunately) laid back job as a graphic designer. All in all, it looks like I have a decent life...good income, nice house, nice car.

Every morning i get up at 6am - wake all but the 2 year old, shower and dress. Hubby either gets up and leaves by 6:30 or sleeps until 7:00. My ten year old bares the brunt of morning chores (bless his heart). He walks the dog, feeds the other two children, and makes sure that he and his sister get to the bus stop by 6:55. Then everything turns to chaos in my hands. The 4 year old wants to eat again, the two year old doesnt want a diaper or whatever juice I have already made for him. The four year old has pulled his shoelaces into a knot trying to put them on without untying them for the 50th time and is whining that he can't find the jacket he wants to wear, although there are three others on the coat rack. I can't find the two year old's shoes. We finally get out of the door at 7:20 (10 minutes too late to meet the pre-school carpool that would save me 30 minutes of driving).I arrive at work "promptly" sometime between 8:15 and 9 am. I socialize during my lunch break - and for most of the rest of the day as well - just to keep myself sane. Work is like a vacation for me. On monday and wednesday I leave my office at 5 to sit in an hours worth of traffic before picking up the two little boys. The other days i work as late as i can just to avoid going home to screaming kids and a messy house. Every night I do all the same homework/bath/bed stuff everyone else does leaving zero time for me. I miss my husband - the only time we get alone is when we are asleep.

I had a total meltdown a week and a half ago. I told my husband that I didnt want this baby or this life and I spun off out of the driveway in a fit of fury. Great way to start a day, huh?

Weekends are nearly as bad. I have no family nearby. My mother in law is 10 minutes away and only babysits when its at her convenience - once every few months. We just bought a new house so I have no friends in the neighborhood. We spend all day Sat. and Sun. running errands or cleaning. I am miserable. I am depressed. I want a live-in nanny. I work all day and all night. There is no appreciation in being a step mom, at least my day job pays.
-- Tiffani

I think the best thing we could do is try to simplify our life as much as possible.
1. Try to get help for cleaning house. It cost some money, it worth it. that is the price we pay to work full time.
2. Try to have lawn service, so weekend would not be lawn-day.
3. Try to cook more during weekend, so we do not have to cook much during week day. I am a chinese, I take-out a lot of good quality ready-to eat dishes from my chinese grocery store during weekend. I do simple stir-fry vegi every day.
4. Since I cook so my husband clean-up after dinner.
5. try to do laundry during week day. Get husband to help. kids could help to do sorting. We do very little folding. Tops go to hangers, bottoms go to the table top inside the closet ( for kids ). I iron very little. My clothes go to dry-clean most of time.
-- Rosy

Dear Debi,

I was touched while reading your schedule. I am sending my best wishes to you and your son. May God always be with you. He is our source of strength.

Rosy
-- Rosy

I am a mother of three boys 4,10,&13. The oldest two are from my first mariage. That is a whole other story. I feel like no matter how bad things get, life is really short. I was a single mother for 5 years when the boys were really little.I look back and think I would never want to do that divorce thing again because of how it screws up the kids lives. I also own a business,technology changes have been hard. I think men always expect women to do more than they do. They want us to earn a living have the babies and be a super mom,maid ect..I applaude you women that have your husbands contribute in the mornings. Id probably have to put mine out of his bitchy misery if he were a part of the AM routine.I am fine and happy to do things with the kids. They are beautiful and life is new and exciting for them. I will miss those bedtime hugs someday. Then my husband will find something else to bitch about
-- Nancy

Up at 5:30am?? I just can't do it. I honestly don't think that God intended for ME to be up before the sun...

I get up about 6:30 (when my 19 month old co-sleeping son hears my husband and gets me up), we nurse and I shower while he plays in the bathroom. I work from home 2 days a week and downtown the other 3 days. 4 days a week I take my son to the sitter at 8:15 and my husband picks him up by 5pm, the other day my husband is home with him. I just finished pumping breastmilk at work and now I'm having lunch time to run errands and maybe join the gym again.

Every evening is slightly different but it always involves food, books, pjs, nursing. Sometimes bath time, sometimes friends or family, sometimes a quick errand, sometimes I go out to a yoga class and my husband and baby go to bed before I get home.

My husband works every other weekend, so I use that time to catch up with my family and friends - my son and I visit or have friends over to play. I teach yoga once a week, so sometimes my husband is home otherwise a grandparent or sitter is with my son.

I really want to reduce my "career work" to 3 days a week and after reading all these posts I am more serious about figuring out how to do it. I don't want to do it all, I don't want to have to figure out the logistics every day and stay in the race.

These posts have helped me realize that so many of us are rushing. Thank you all for sharing your experiences. I am going to take the advice of everyone who said to take off time, let the house get dusty, relax, enjoy, stop trying to do it all...

Thanks
Kathleen
-- Kathleen

Schedule is everything for us. My employer agreed to let me work 6 a.m to 2:30 p.m. which allows me to hold down a full-time job. My husband and I have nine month old twins and a nanny. I am breastfeeding and pumping. I have a 45 minute commute in traffic (30 min if no traffic). This is what we do to avoid traffic problems and maximize our time with the babies. I get up at 4:30 a.m., get showered and dressed, leave for work at 5:30 am, pump when I arrive at the office, and eat breakfast either in the car or at my desk. (I pump every three hours while at work). The babies get my husband up between 6:30 and 7:30 am. He gets them their juice and milk and entertains them until the nanny arrives at 8:00 am. She feeds them their morning cereal while my husband takes his shower and gets dressed. He leaves for work around 9 am (on a good day). Sometimes he leaves later so that he can play with the babies more. (He is self-employed and makes his own schedule). I take a 30 minute lunch. I use this time
to eat and pay bills, etc. (I am in charge of paying our monthly bills). I leave work at 2:30 p.m. and arrive home between 3:15 and 4 pm. (Sometimes a make a quick stop on the way home to pick up medicine or other essentials). I talk to the nanny about my babies and their day. She leaves at 4 pm. I feed and bathe the babies and play with them until my husband arrives home around 7 pm. The babies play with him while I empty the diaper genies and do any other immediately pressing chores. The babies get a bottle at 8 and then go to bed after we read Good Night Moon. Thank goodness, they sleep through the night now! My husband and I then eat dinner and visit briefly. (Sometimes the babies eat with us since they want to eat our food instead of theirs). I go to bed between 8:30 and 9 (after pumping one last time). My husband cleans up the kitchen and prepares the coffee for the next day (the pot is on a timer). My husband does the laundry most of the time. We have a lady who cleans our house once every two weeks. My husband does the grocery shopping usually. We do this on the weekends mostly. On weekends, the babies demand nearly constant attention except when they take their morning and afternoon naps (which are now very regular thank goodness!). I have tried to use these nap time to get things done around the house, but I am usually too exhausted to do much and really need to lie down for a few minutes. Sometimes he takes one baby and I take the other baby on errands. We can run errands this way. It is easier to take one baby than two on an errand. However, I have taken two babies to the grocery store and mall on several occasions! The problem we have is that we need to do some major junk removal from inside our house. This junk has accumulated because we have moved things to accomodate the babies and there are many things we just need to store properly or throw away. There is just not enough time on the weekends with the babies needing constant attention. Now that they are getting ready to crawl and then walk, we really need to get this done so that we can childproof effectively. I have not figured this one out yet!
-- Allison

Scheduling is everything...but it is hard to keep up. I work full time (college instructor), take care of my asthmatic son, grade student's work (over 100 students), and attend school (3rd degree) full time. All on my own now. My ex and I divorced a year and half-ago when he felt he couldn't compete with my schedule. If he had helped me as we planned for a better life, I would not have been too tired for my marital responsibilities. Scheduling for grading and homework leaves me with working (at home) till 2 AM most times and waking up at 6:30 AM. I wish I had the energy for exercising which would help my body a lot, but no time. My son always comes first, so providing a better life for him is important. I would like to eventually afford a better home (apts. are expensive also). Time is important to both of us. Cooking is currently basic and daily or picking up some healthy meal along the way. Can't afford a chief, house cleaning person, or nanny. I have no choice but to vacuum and dust regularly for my son's allergies. I don't have health insurance and make too much money for general aid programs in my community. Being middle class is just that being stuck in the middle. But we as moms get carried away with details that we need to remember the important stuff, our children. And, for those who do cherish their spouses making time for your mate. My ex and I talk more now, and on those weekends when I have a lot of homework and grading he spends that time with my son. We can't do it all…but remember time is short and finding a middle ground to breath and smell the flowers with your children is important--even if you have to play a video game or two. I am glad I found this site, one of my reports is on the subject of supermoms and taking off the cape. What a relief reading all of those great moms out there who work so hard. We should all pat ourselves on the back and thank God that we are physically able to do what we do. And, most importantly, if we instill in our children half the things we've learned in our struggles, as well as to be good citizens within our community, to thank God for our blessing, then we have accomplished our half of our goal for their future.
-- Doris

I happened upon this website as a result of my search for information on working moms which I needed for a class presentation I am doing and WoW! One idea our group had thought of was for me to write out a list of what I did in one day as I am a full-time working mom of one who is also taking part-time classes towards her masters and juggling two step-children every other weekend as well. Comparitively my schedule is not any different than all listed. Kudos to every mom, we definately do a lot! Recently I have come to a realization however and I see that there are a few others on this list who have as well. In all that we do there are so many things that can wait or be put aside to free up more time to have fun, enjoy our children, our significant others, ourselves! Everything we try to fit into our hectic schedules will always be there waiting, whether we choose to run ourselves ragged doing them every day/week or whether we choose to wait and put them aside for one more minute, day, week and go and have fun! I have recently discovered candle light bubble baths with a good book, jogging in the morning with my headphones and tuning out the rest of the world, finding a quiet corner and writing in my journal, walks to the icecream or toy store with my child, girl talk at the kitchen table over hot cocoa, mountain biking, camping, dates with my husband, the important things! I have also discovered that my 11 year old is a fabulous cook, my son is great at doing the dishes, my husband will do the laundry or take out the garbage if I leave it long enough, my husband loves to grocery shop, clothes can be worn more than once, and that a little dirt never hurt! Remember that children grow up so very quickly! I know I have tried to catch every second of my childrens lives and I still catch myself wondering where the time has gone! So enjoy them, cuddle them, play with them and love them! And start adding hugs, kisses, digging in the dirt, playing in the toy store, date w/significant other, bubble baths and FUN to those busy days!
-- Jennifer

Now I see why we all have the same name. No matter what way you put it we all have the same lives.
I have a 2 year old. I work 40 hours a week. I drive in traffic 40 minutes to work and 50-60 minutes home from work.
I can't seem to ull myself out of bed ever but I do.

Here are some helpful tips for moms old and new:

Laundry: do one or two loads a night

Cleaning: buy those wipes for dusting, bathrooms and kitchen.

Dishes: use paper whenever possible

Meals: pre-pare two a night or for the whole week.
It will not kill you to have to eat frozen food. We are the reason why they make it

Vacuming: once a week unless nessicary

Kids: use a routine and stick to it. When old enough MAKE them help

Husbands: I am still trying to figure this out. Sometimes it is better to do it yourself

Pets: they are important but not the most

Work: get what you can done and go home. It will still be there tomorrow.

Alone time: find it. right after the kids go to sleep tell the rest of the world to Do No Disturb

Remember that kids come first, you second,husband third and then the house.




Keep on going!!!!

-- Natalie

Hi everyone,

I've been reading all of these schedules and I've been really relieved to hear that so many women have schedules as hectic as mine. I have 2 children, ages 7 and 9, and have just returned to get my phD in microbiology after several years in the work force. The problem is, that I really feel like I'm losing out on my kids life. My days are usually 12 hours away from home, and I find it nearly impossible to keep up.

For those of you who choose to work(and by choose I mean, aren't forced to because of financial situations), how do you reconcile the guilt of not being a stay at home mom? I find it very difficult, and it makes me very angry that I even feel it, because I guarantee you my husband(and he is a very good man) doesn't feel one smidge of guilt.

Thanks
-- Jill

I STUMBLED ONTO THIS SITE BY ACCIDENT LOOKING FOR SOMTHING ELSE,BUT WHAT A FIND.I STARTED TO READ ALL OF THE COMMENTS AND WAS THAT INTERESTED,I PRINTED ALL 44 PAGES TO READ IN BED( ITS WARMER THERE).I READ IT ALL AND JUST FELT THAT I HAD TO TELL YOU MY STORY.I LIVE IN AUSTRALIA AND IT SEEMS THAT OUR LIVES ARE THE SAME ALL OVER.IHAVE TWO SONS 16 AND 15 FROM MY FIRST MARRIAGE MY HUSBAND HAS TWO SON 12 AND 8 FROM HIS FIRST AND WE HAVE A 2 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER.
MY HUSBAND WORKS FULL TIME AND I RUN A BUSNISS FROM HOME WHICH LETS ME STAY HOME WITH THE 2 YEAR OLD.TWO MORNINGS A WEEK WE GO TO PLAYGROUP AND KINDERGYM WHICH IS AN OUT LET FOR BOTH OF US.
THE FAMILYS DAY STARTS AT 6AM WHEN KAYLAH GETS UP GETS HER DRINK FROM THE FRIDGE(MY HUSBAND ALWAYS GETS IT READY BEFORE HE GOES TO BED)AND COMES IN FOR A CUDDLE FROM DADDY SHE'S A DADDYS GIRL.
MY HUSBAND GETS UP MAKES COFFEE WHILE A GET A CUDDLE THEN I GET UP,THEN THE FUN BEGINS.
THE BOYS ARE UP AND THIS IS HOW WE MAKE LIFE FOR EVERYONE RUN SMOOTHLY.
THE BOYS GET THEIR OWN BREAKFAST AND ONE OF THEM MAKE THERE SISTERS,DAD OVER SEES THIS WHILE MAKING HIS LUNCH,IM IN THE SHOWER BY NOW.EVERYONE ELSE HAS ONE AT NIGHT TIME.
THE BOYS MAKE THEIR OWN LUNCHES,GET DRESSED AND PACK THIER SCHOOL BAGS, ALL IN DIFFERANT ORDERS OF COURSE.I GET MYSELF AND KAYLAH DRESSED,MY HUSBAND IS OUT OF THE DOOR BY 7AM. THE BOYS MAKE THIER OWN BEDS AND I MAKE THE OTHER TWO.THE TWO OLDEST BOYS CATCH A BUS TO SCHOOL AND ARE OUT OF THE DOOR BY 7.30AM.THE OTHER TWO WALK TO SCHOOL, 5 MIN AWAY AND LEAVE BY 8.30AM, BY 8.30 I HAVE CLEANED THE KITCHEN FOUND ALL SORTS OF LOST ITEMS THAT CARN'T BE FOUND BY THE MALE OWNS THAT HAD THEM LAST AND NOW NEED THEM RIGHT NOW,MADE THE TWO BEDS THAT I HAVE TO DO AND PUT ON THE WASHING ANSWERED NON ENDING QUESTIONS FROM EVERYONE.
8.30 COMES AND ITS JUST US GIRLS LEFT,TIME TO START WORK I ANSWER PHONE CALLS,FAX ORDERS TO MY SUPPLIER,DO THE BOOK WORK,WORK OUT THE HOUSEHOLD BUDGET AND FIGURE OUT WHY IT NOT WORKING.IN BETWEEN I TRY TO FIT THE REST OF THE HOUSE WORK IN WHEN I CAN A CORDLESS PHONE IS A GOD SEND FOR ME MY OFFICE IS FULL OF PILES OF PAPER NEEDING TO BE FILED BUT I KNOW WHERE EVERY THING IS MOST OF THE TIME.MY DAUGHTER GETS A LOT OF QUALITY TIME WITH ME BEING HOME ALL THE TIME AND FITS IN REALLY WELL WITH WHAT I NEED TO DO DURING THE DAY,AND OF COURSE WE ALSO SPEND A BIT OF TIME IN THE CAR DUE TO THE BUSINESS HERE WE PLAY A LOT OF CHILDRENS MUSIC AND STORYS. I OFTEN WONDER HOW SILLY I LOOK DRIVING ALONG SING TO THE WIGGLES WITH A 2 YEAR OLD IN THE BACK DOING ALL THE ACTIONS STRAPED IN HER CAR SEAT.SHE GET TO MET A LOT OF PEOPLE ON OUR TRAVELS AND IS VERY WELL BEHAVED THANK GOODNESS OTHERWISE I WOULD HAVE TO LOOK AT CHILDCARE FOR HER AND I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT JUST YET.
THE BOYS ARE ALL HOME BY 4.30 PM,WE HAVE 1/2 HOUR TO HAVE A SNACK AND DRINK AND TALK ABOUT OUR DAYS AVENTS THEN HOMEWORK IS STARTED THE TWO YOUNGEST AT THE DINNING ROOM TABLE AND THE OLDER TWO IN THIER ROOMS THEY BOTH HAVE LAPTOPS IN THEIR ROOMS FOR THIER SCHOOL WORK.KAYLAH GETS TO WATCH HER FAVORITE PROGRAME RUGRATS WHILE THIS IS GOING ON, IN BETWEEN I HELP OUT WHERE I AM NEEDED AND STILL ANSWER THE PHONE ECT.
MY HUSBAND IS IN BY 6PM AND GODBLESS HIM HE LIKES TO DO ALL THE COOKING. THE BOYS ARE USALLY AT SPORT FOR ONE OR THE OTHER THANK GOODNESS THE 16 YEAR OLD CAN DRIVE.MY HUSBAND AND I CATCH UP WITH EACH OTHERS DAY WHILE HE IS COOKING DINNER.
DINNER OVER AND THE WASHING UP IS TO BE DONE THANKGOODNESS FOR DISH WASHERS BUT WE STILL GET ARGUEMENT ABOUT WHOS TURN IT IS TO LOAD AND UNLOAD IT.
TIME FOR THE LINE UP TO THE SHOWER WE INSTALLED A TIMER ON THE SHOWER HEAD 10MIN SHOWER FOR EVERYONE IN OUR HOUSE.ONE BY ONE THEY ARE ALL OFF TO BED ALL IN BY 10PM.OUR TIME TOGETHER UNTIL ABOUT 11PM I'M OFF TO BED AND MY HUSBAND, ANYWERE BETWEEN 11PM TO 1AM
ON THE WEEKEND WE ARGUE WHOS TURN IT IS TO DO WHAT CHORES AROUND THE HOUSE AND GARDEN BUT IT ALL GETS DONE MOST OF THE TIME.
WE HAVE A HOUSE FULL AND WE SET HOUSE RULES RIGHT FROM THE BEGINNING MOST OF THE TIME IT WORK BUT EVERY NOW AND THEN SOMEONE BUCKS THE SYSTEM, BUT WE LOVE THEM ALL ANYWAY.ps I never seem to have time to do the ironing if its desperate they do there own and the dusting only gets done when I can't stand it any more or I con someone else to do it,but I do do the vacuuming because I can't stand bitty floors.
-- FIONA

After reading some of the comments submited, I feel I'm in my own little world. I guess I'm making things hard on myself. In the mornings I stay in bed until the last minute(6:50) and then get up and shower. My husband gets the older two kids up and they get ready. Sometimes I have to iron when I get out of the shower. On Tuesday through Thursday I have to get my youngest son ready for pre-school. I take my sons to school and get my self to work about 7:45. I teach school all day then I come home and get ready to walk with a friend (which I just started to do). Usually my sons have soccer practice, I coach the youngest. By the time I get home it is close to 7:00 on a good day. I then cook dinner, help with homework. My sons get their showers and it is bed time. Some days I try cleaning house and wash clothes. I'm so stressed out about money problems, I feel I'm going to loose it. I live in a small town we don't have much available with out having to drive 20 minutes.
-- Gloria

AS I AM READING THIS ,ANTS ARE INVADING MY HOUSE. THEY CAN SEARCH OUT ANY CRUMB, OR DISH THAT HAS BEEN TOSSED ASIDE. I HAVE 4 CHILDREN AGES 15, 11, 6, AND 3. I AM MARRIED AND MY 28 YEAR OLD BROTHER LIVES WITH US. WE ALSO HAVE A DOG. WE LIVE IN A OLD 5 BEDROOM 2 STORY HOUSE. LOTS OF NOOKS AND CRANNIES FOR ANTS TO COME IN. I WORK FULL TIME. I ALWAYS SET THE ALARM FOR 5:30 IN THE MORNING, BUT I HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON ABOUT A MILLION TIMES UNTIL 6:30 COMES AROUND. GET KIDS UP, SOMETIMES SHOWER, FIX LUNCHES, FIND BACKPACKS AND SEARCH CONTAINERS OF CLEAN LAUNDRY FOR CLOTHES---MAINLY CLEAN SOCKS. HAVE ON OCCASION PUT DIRTY ONES ON THE 6 AND 3 YEAR OLD. AND MYSELF. SCARED TO ASK MY 15 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER AND 11 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER HOW LONG THEY HAVE BEEN WEARING THEIR SOCKS!!!!OUT OF HOUSE BY 7:30 SOMETIMES BY 7:45. DROP KIDS OFF AT SCHOOL AND DAYCARE. DRIVE OUT OF MY WAY TO DROP MY BROTHER OFF AT COLLEGE. GET TO WORK BY 9:00 WHERE I CAN AT LEAST SIT DOWN. I USUALLY TAKE MY LUNCH TO WORK WHERE I SIT AND ENJOY IT FOR THE FULL HOUR. I ONCE AGAIN GO OUT OF MY WAY TO PICK UP MY BROTHER FROM COLLEGE AND DRIVE HOME. USUSALLY HOME BY 7:00. MY HUSBAND IS A TRUCK DRIVER AND IS GONE SEVERAL NIGHTS A WEEK AND I NEVER KNOW WHEN HE WILL BE HOME. SO I GET DINNER READY, AND THEN GET KIDS READY FOR BED. AFTER THEY ARE IN BED, I TELL MYSELF THAT I SHOULD DO SOME HOUSEWORK, BUT I USUALLY READ FOR A WHILE AND THEN GO TO BED. I DO ALL MY CLEANING AND SHOPPING FOR GROCERIES ON THE WEEKEND. THANK GOD FOR MY 15 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER, SHE WALKS A HALF A MILE A DAY TO PICK UP MY 3 YEAR OLD FROM HER PRESCHOOL, AND THEN WALKS HOME --A LITTLE UNDER A MILE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'LL DO WHEN BAD WEATHER HITS THIS FALL AND IT STARTS RAINING. MY 11 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER AND MY 6 YEAR OLD SON RIDE THE BUS HOME. I OF COURSE FEEL GUILTY BECAUSE I AM NOT THERE WHEN THEY ALL GET HOME, BUT I HAVE TO WORK. I HAVE THE GREATEST MEDICAL,DENTAL, AND VISION PLAN THAT COSTS ME ONLY 25.00 A MONTH AT MY WORK. I AM JUST SO EXHAUSTED AT THE END OF THE DAY. BUT I LOVE MY JOB ALSO. NOT A WIN-WIN SITUATION BUT IT WORKS FOR NOW. MY HUSBAND'S MEDICAL PLAN IS SO EXPENSIVE, WE JUST CAN'T AFFORD IT. MY BROTHER PAYS ME RENT BUT HOPEFULLY SOON HE WILL MOVE TO THE DORMS AT THE COLLEGE. ON ANOTHER NOTE, THE GRAY HAIRS ARE COMING IN FASTER THAN I CAN PLUCK THEM!! AND THINGS-I WON'T SAY WHAT THINGS--ARE BEGINNING TO SAG!!! OH WHAT TO DO???
-- KATHY

i'm not a mom, in fact i'm only 14 but my mom works AT LEAST 60 HOURS A WEEK. and get this, she doesn't get paid. my dad needs help at work but doesn't have the money to pay for it so my mom works as his secratry. my grandma does the cooking and we walk over to her house for dinner every night. i miss my mom but i know that she is trying her hardest to keep everyone happy and keep the house clean. every monday we do something with just the 4 of us, me, my mom and dad and my little sister. i love my mom and am proud of her determination.
-- Kin

Joanne,
What a relief to hear that someone else is living my life!!! I always think that I am the only one frantically trying to find two matched socks from the dirty clothes hamper. I have a three year old who thinks a nutritious meal is a hot dog bun and cookies and if the kids would ever scream "daddy, I need you" I think I'd go into cardiac arrest!!! What I don't understand is how so many of you out there manage to get up so early!!! My biggest problem is that I feel so chronically sleep deprived. I get up at 6:30 and if I'm not asleep by 10:00 I'm practically dysfunctional! I do exercise three days a week but that hasn't given me the energy boost I dreamed of. I have someone clean for me twice a month but after listening to all of you rave about how much cleaning help makes a difference, maybe I will try to have help every week. I try to take joy in the small things-reading my 3 and 6 year old a bedtime story as we snuggle in bed together or taking some quiet time with my 8 year old son as he tells me how he finally caught the ball at recess. I cling to these moments, knowing that this is what it's all about, yet I feel that I'M missing something- that life shouldnt be so hard, that there should be more fun, more laughter...life is so exhausting, it's so hard to maintain the pace of work, children, house, carpool, food shopping, after school activities, etc. etc. I feel like I'm missing something and I don't want to wish my life away!!! Are my expectations to high?!!!!
-- Leslie

To Susan: I am a teacher also, and when my son was born 2 1/2 years ago I decided that school work would stay at school. I no longer bring it home. I work every minute that I'm at school. Once that final bell rings, though, I'm out the door. I love my job, but since having my son, summer is my favorite! I just tell myself that if the parents of my students would put their kids first the way I do mine, that we'd all be better off. Being a great mom is more important to me than being teacher of the year.

-- Diann

I am so glad I found this site today! All of your comments have settled my frantic heart and lessened (somewhat) my self imposed guilt. My little girl is just 7 and a half months old and I've been back at work for about a month. I feel like I'm going crazy trying to have a perfectly clean house and organized life. My husband says to let things go but I feel like if I don't do it (laundry, ironing, lunches, dinners.... )WHO will? He doesn't get the hint! He really is a wonderful man and a great dad but he doesn't SEE the stuff that needs to be done. I too get up at about 5 AM to nurse, walk the dog, shower, dress, lunches and yes I do get my husband's clothes ready. I feel embarrassed as a woman of the new millenium to say that but he is quite colour blind and needs the help! Don't tell him but when I was on maternity leave and he'd wake me after a night of feedings to ask if his clothes looked ok I'd just say ok no matter what he was wearing 'cause I sure wasn't getting up to repick something that matched!!
I was so inspired that there are ideas and solutions to try that I called my girlfriend right away and before I'd even finished the questioned she had agreed to a once a month cooking session to stock both our freezers. Friendship and frozen meals! I'd love a housekeeper or even a personal chef! but that's not an option financially.
Thanks to all who shared their stories, insecurities, laughter, and wisdom.
-- Melissa

I have been feeling sorry for myself all day because I have been looking at my semi dirty house and wondering when I would get the energy to clean it while chasing my VERY ACTIVE one year old around and I feel much better now after reading these posts. I actually am very lucky in that I work full time but my job is very flexible. I work from home two days a week (with my son...I only put him in daycare the other three days). That is a challenge....having to be on the phone with clients while he is trying to get my attention. But, luckily, I don't work all day on those days when I am home; just when I need to. I also work some evenings and weekends when my husband is home to watch my son. My job probably wouldn't notice if I wasn't there on my scheduled days, as I make my own schedule and am able to come and go as I please. But, I put demands on myself...to do the best job possible and it makes it difficult to juggle career and home.

Typically, my husband gets up at 5:30 or 6:00 with our son. Up until last week, I nursed him at that time, so he would bring him to me. But, now he is fully weaned so my husbsnd gets him breakfast. He showers. I get up at 6:30 or 7:00 and shower and get ready for work. My husband leaves at 7:30. I get my son dressed and leave at 8:15 for daycare on the days he goes. Drop off at 8:30...stick around a bit...get to work by 9:00 or 9:15. I work until I have accomplished what I wanted for the day....could be noon.....could be 6:00. (More often around 1:00 or 2:00). I go home and do laundry...start getting dinner ready...do dishes....water flowers, etc. My husband picks up my son at 4:30. We eat my husband cleans
--

A Discussion about the reasons for requesting the extension of disability time-off for breastfeeding mothers


The problem of incorporating breastfeeding into the working mother's life has evolved over the last 50 years. Many women, including my mother, fought the whole medical establishment to successfully nurse when I was an infant in the early 1950's. Neighbor children came to watch, astonished that babies could be fed at mother's breast. Brave doctors and scientists have proved conclusively that human milk is the best food for babies. Slowly, the misplaced modesty of the Victorian era was rolled back by women determined to give their children the best start in life. 
Both the American Academy of Pediatrics and the American College of Obsterics and Gynecology recommend that infants be exclusively breastfed till 24 weeks. In the past, many mothers were not working, or had jobs which allowed flexible entry and retreat from the workplace. Now, in contrast, seniority, insurance and tax structure, and the fact that 80% of women work outside the home affect this situation. Most importantly, especially in California, is the fact that for many, perhaps most, families, there is a financial necessity for two incomes in order to pay for the basic costs of having a home.
To meet this challenge, in recent years we are renting out large numbers of excellent electric "milking machines"-- breast pumps which will more efficiently get the milk out of the breast during small breaks in the working day, so that the mother can take this milk home to leave with her infant's caregiver for the next day's feeding. Currently, when babies take this breast milk in bottles, we are satisfied that we have "met their needs". We are also satisfied that we have kept this woman in the workplace.
Many feminists are reluctant to "turn back the clock" to a time when mothers actually stay home and breastfeed their babies on demand. Some women see it as a loss of political and economic freedom and opportunity to support the mother-infant dyad in it's most basic structure in the first 6 months of life-- a position implicitly taken in the AAP and ACOG position papers.

I think the basic question is; are we really ready to support legislation which would make it possible to do the physiologically sound thing? And is our mandate to care for public health something that impels us to look at the current situation and say it is not "normal" or "normative" and demands a paradigm shift in our thinking??
In support of the 24 week rule, I would like to point out that several other things occur when a baby nurses at the breast. The mouth and jaw develop in a stronger way, paving the way for speech development and also for orthodontic health. The baby has less air absorption than from bottles-- although the new vacuum-bag bottles help address this. The baby is nurtured by a beloved person, mirroring the infant's emotions and personhood. Psychiatrically, this may be an indispensable way to form basic trust. 
Also, there are long-term health benefits to the nursing mother. It is thought that there is development of the breast buds into the fully- branched form of the lactating breast-- which is later less-susceptible than are the breast buds to the triggers which produce breast cancer.

I understand the concern of people who don't want breastfeeding post-partum women to be thought of as "disabled"-- who consider it a healthy state. But my belief is that we need to re-think and re-structure the whole thing. Breastfeeding women are the most exhausted people I know, with the possible exception of chemotherapy patients. When someone came up with the 6 week "rule," it was in regard to how long it takes for the episiotomy to heal, and for the lochial bleeding to cease. The needs of the breast-feeding infant, or the mother-infant dyad were not taken into account.
My pregnant patients first "hit the wall" at around seven months, when they physically feel they won't be able to do it all. Then the weeks of post-partum fly by, and they come in at 6 weeks begging for more time off-- they realize they can't keep their milk supply without frequent nursing, and it feels horrible to leave the baby with a caregiver and a bottle.
For 10 years I said to them that I didn't invent the system, and I can't extend their disability. Then one day I thought long and hard about it, and I wrote a petition and started getting signatures. For four years, I have been taking signatures to my local Assemblyman Fred Keeley by the handfuls. He asked me to try to get the CMA to stand with me.
Obviously, even with CALIFORNIA MEDICAL ASSOCIATION promoting this, we will not be able to prevail without widespread pediatric, obstetric and societal support. I believe this is worth trying to do, so I will keep trying to get it through in California. Then we can try to change it nationally, because every state has the same stupid rule. In Europe, women get a year off -- paid leave with insurance coverage. We should be able to afford 6 months. Both AAP and ACOG suggest breastfeeding on demand exclusively for 24 weeks. That to me is a 24 hour a day job. Only 20 % or less of nursing mothers are exclusively breastfeeding at 6 months. There is a simple way to increase those numbers-- let the mothers stay with the babies. That will also stabilize the milk supply so that moms can successfully pump in the workplace and give supplemental breast milk through the whole first year. It has been shown that breast milk-fed infants have less allergies, less upper respiratory diseases, and better immune resistance to infections. There are less babies who are hospitalized when they are breastfed. It may also be true that there are less psychotic people who were breastfed versus bottle-fed. It has been shown to be less expensive by about $450.00 per patient, to care for breast-fed babies in the first year of life.

My patients can't afford to take time off without pay. Also, they can't afford to lose their insurance benefits, and job seniority. Maybe some middle class families could use the family leave act (although it is only allowed up to 12 weeks), but many patients need continuing income,( even though it's less than they could earn by working), and one obvious source is from the disability insurance they have paid into by working.
80% of women work. The average number of children per family is 2, so we are asking for a maximum of 1 year off in a woman's whole working life. Employers do NOT pay for disability-- it is paid into by all workers in the state. 

Many women who are well-educated, valuable employees will negotiate for better deals from employers, and many will go back to work sooner. However, we will have created a new "norm" for the ones who need it most-- the ones who have no margin of financial safety-net, no help at home, no understanding boss, no place to pump, and no way to buffer themselves from the continuous exhaustion of trying to work and breastfeed in the baby's first months of life.
Our society can ill-afford to ignore the needs of infants and children any more. We need good legislation which supports healthy families. I believe this measure will be cost-effective, medically sound, and well-accepted by the general population. Everyone has seen women in their own families struggle with this miserable pittance of time-off.
Let us help provide the remedy.

-- martina

I had a recent unpleasant encounter with my married, working, no-kids sister about how my home should look.
I'm a single mom with a 2- and 4-year-old. I work full time and take them to a babysitter everyday. They are very happy and smart, but they watch a lot of TV.
My "relax" time is often an hour of TV before bed. My house is hardly sparkling. I try to keep the kitchen and bathroom clean, but sometimes dishes and dust pile.
My schedule is as frantic as the other moms. When my sister comes to visit once or twice a year she is obviously dissaproving of my TV habits (they don't watch it) and my dirty floors (that I clean just before she comes). Recently she told me if I just stopped watching TV I could clean my house better. It would be worth it if it were her.
Telling her that's my only time to relax, whether its TV or anything else, doesn't make a difference. I think she has no idea what she's talking about. She says she just loves me and wants what's best for me and the kids, but I think she's being judgemental and mean -- though I love her too.
Anyone else have to deal with people who just don't understand, but give their advice anyway?
-- Ali

I CAN RELATE WITH MOST OF THE WOMEN ABOVE!!!!
I live in greece with my husband AND I am better at enjoying life than I was three years ago.

I have a very stressful job in IT, being a partner of 5 men, who treat me like their MOTHER and let me do everything. BUT
1. DO NOT TRY TO PROVE TO YOUR SELF AND OTHERS THAT YOU ARE GOOD AT YOUR JOB:
I gave back certain tasks and reduced my working hours and stopped working Saturdays. (of course my partners are still not happy with it, but they never appreciated it anyway) AND MY SALARY REMAINS THE SAME. I now work about 40 hours per week. I still am the most hard working one in the team. BE CAREFUL, MEN TEND TO MAKE US FEEL GUILTY THAT WE HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF OUR KIDS. Also they used to call me on SATURDAY AFTERNOONS, for meetings etc, trying to make me go through a guilt trip, which I REFUSED until they understood that I had nowhere to live my baby also the MEETING COULD WAIT until monday morning. I have proven for years to my self and others that I am good at my job, so I have no need to do that anymore.

2. ABSOLUTELY IMPORTANT TO HAVE HOUSEHELP.
I refused for 3 years to have a woman come in and clean my house once a week. I thought I could do it and save the money to buy things for me. But guess what? You end up ordering pizzas because you are too tired to cook, because of all the house cleaning, so AT THE END IT COSTS THE SAME.
You also enjoy your weekends because they involve no cleaning (ok minimal is ok. I AM A MUCH BETTER MOM SINCE I GOT HOUSEHELP).
3. DO NOT LET PEOPLE CRITISIZE YOU BECAUSE YOU CANNOT DO IT. MY MOM AND HER SISTERS are always commenting on my house not being clean enough, but unlike them I work and raise a family. Also my household is about as clean as all my friends's houses.
4. REMEMBER THAT THIS IS OUR LIFE. IT WON'T GET BETTER THAN THIS, WE WILL NOT GET AN EXTENTION ON LIFE AND I DON'T THINK WE WILL BE HAPPIER WHEN OUR KIDS GROW UP AND LEAVE US.
5.WORK SMART, NOT HARD:
a.Try to buy clothes that do not need too much ironing. Use a dishwasher.
b. Avoid pets that need too much cleaning.
c. Be creative in cooking: Do cooking which involves less cleaning
d. Try to TRAIN everybody to RESPECT YOU, by cleaning after THEMSELVES, (husband, and kids). This is the most difficult one.
e. Avoid house decoration that needs too much cleaning.
f. Especially in the kitchen: Trash objects that take space, have no use, need dusting make your everyday life more difficult to deal with.
g. Respect yourself: Enjoy your bath, read a book or magazine.
e. I try to take a night class every other semester, in something I enjoy, which does not required studing. This way i force myself to enjoy a hobby. THIS IS PROBABLY THE BEST. I meet new people, and it is the only way I will relax. It is only 2-3 hours per week, and about 20 weeks per year (40-60 hours PER YEAR). (You do not have to do it every semester.)
f. I always try to look at older women and realize that are actually missing the time they had their children home. Their life is not more important or fun now that they are alone.

Christie.


-- Christie

I love all of your comments. I love this site and on their working moms email list.

My day starts between 6am-6:30 (depending if I shower at night or mornings). I get myself ready, stick two pop-tarts in the toaster, run downstairs to feed and water the dogs and put them on a leash. At 7:05 Go back upstairs to wake up our 6 & 9 y.o. to get them dressed. Go around finding them clothes in the many baskets I/they have yet to put up and give up on the sock search. Set them down to get on their shoes while I wrap up my now cold pop-tarts and grab some milk in a container I can take in my car. Wake up my husband so he can go to work. Leave my house around 7:25 (10 minutes late)to drop the boys off at my parents house so they can go to school. Leave there around 7:55 and am at work by 8:45 (15 minutes late). Work until 4:30 then head to p/up the kids from my parents and get home around 6:15. Look thru mail, change clothes, make dinner (I would love to make ahead), do homework, play UNO while giving baths and the boys are in bed between 9 & 9:30. I then clean the kitchen and put in some clothes and then head to my bedroom to either watch tv or read a book. My dh gets home around 10 p.m and eats dinner and then we both relax in bed and sleep around 12 p.m. It is crazy but well worth it.
-- Tonia

It feels good to know I'm not the only one. Wish I could be more relaxed, but have to have my house neat and clean. Do a lot of errands on my lunch hour. Great way to save time cooking is buy a crockpot. Prepare your meals the night before, plug it in in the morning and when you come home dinner is done with not much of a mess. There are great receipes out there on the internet.
-- Mag

I too just found this wonderful website. I am an RN and have decided to work back in the workforce. I have been a stay at home mom for a little over 10 years. My husband in in the military and he is a big help to me. We will have a crazy few days a week soon. I am working 3/12 hour 7 pm to 7 am shifts a week. My husband has always been supportive and I am looking forward to getting out there and contributing to our financial stability. I have a 3 year old and a 9 year old. Our mornings start about like everyone else's. It makes me feel relieved that so many mom's are working and well.... surviving, Thank-you for the inspiration and encouragement.
Have a great day--Penny
-- Penny

I have just started my own business; I just finished my exams and I am a licensed realtor. I thought that this might be a good career for me because I could work from home and still manage to be with the kids during their early years. One daughter is 5 and the other is 2 years old. I have just started my business for the past three weeks and I can't keep up. My husband has a full time job and his job/career takes precedence over mine. While we're both getting ready in the morning, it is my responsibility, not his, to take care of the children. I do so much more for the family.....laundry, housekeeping, etc. a million and one more things than he! Also, while I have an appointment with a client, the babysitter calls me up to say that something is wrong. It's so unfair because I can't keep focused at my job when I have many many more responsibilities. I'm going out of my mind because I can't seem to balance anything right now.

-- Geraldine

Finding the right job is a big part of the equation - i switched from a job where i was on the road
all day - stressful and tiring - to an office job. Best part - more money for far less stressful, but interesting
work (I am a nurse). The employer is recognized in the state as being excellent for working moms, and I have to agree. They have
flex hours, on-site day care and a gym, on-site dry cleaning, bank, store, etc. They will even cook your meals for you if you are willing to
pick them up after work. I use my lunch hour to socialize at lunch, go to the gym, run errands or shop at the local stores - a big timesaver.
Trying to get some of the work done during the week is also a timesaver, so weekends don't look so bad.
And what's all this ironing I am reading about?? Helps if clothes are not "fussy" and need a lot of care - there is a lot out there
now that is just wash and wear, and I don't mean polyester.


-- Susan

I don't have any kids but am thinking about it. After reading the comments on this web site, I think maybe I should not have kids as I'm exhausted when I come home from work now never mind with a child. Where do you find the time to teach them to write their name, tie shoelaces, and everything else?
-- Gail

Thank you for sharing your stories. I was feeling anxious about starting a new job next week. Your stories made me feel better. I even laughed at the posting made by JoAnn. It's unbelievable how similar our experiences, thoughts and feelings are.

Here are a couple of things that may work for others as well.

- I offered a wonderful teacher (a mom to a son) at my previous daycare to care for my kids at her home. No more "who's staying with the kids on Columbus day, professional days, snow days, spring breaks, etc." We do provide her with paid holidays but it is based on our company's holidays.

- I decide on a kind of birthday gift and wrapper for the school year and buy them a few at a time or when they are on sale. Example, last year, all the birthday parties (boys) that my kid was invited to got hot rockets.

- Online shopping works for us. I even found half.com that sells new and used video games, etc. for half the price. No more waiting for a sale at Toysrus.







-- Izzy

Staying ahead has been very hard for me with my schedule and demands at home.Ali, above, mentioned people who preach to her but can't possiby understand what a working mother goes through. I too have a 21 yr old sister who is critical of my home, etc, as well as a sister in law whose husband is so well off that she has never had to work and stays home...her house sparkling everyday, carrying the scent of laundry powder and the floor mopped daily. I'm embarrassed to have her over to my house as she may have to dodge my 3 yr olds socks and baby dolls, and i may forget to have the dishes done, therefore creating a slight odor from the sink! I have to keep the lysol handy. My friend just had a baby and just "decided" she'll quit work and stay at home. My other friend had her baby and just "decided" the same thing. Their decisions made me very upset and depressed b/c I am now pregnant also with a 3 yr old and can't quit work. Why can't I just "decide" to stay at home? What would I be gaining? I thought,I'd gain more time with my small kids, no day care checks, less stress. Sure!!! THen I had to remember, what would I be losing?....the 3,800 a month income that allows us to take our child to Disney world, my new Explorer that allows my family more space, the new couch set that is cleaner for my child than the hand me down we had for 5 yrs, the new Ram for my husband instead of the old old Jeep that was unsafe for my family, the large swingset in the backyard, the tv for my 3 yr old so she's not driving me crazy about cartoons in the family room, and so on.... it's these things that my husband has to remind me about almost weekly when I get depressed and see "at home" moms. Everyday that I pick up my daughter from daycare, she has such a big hug and a smile for me, and looking forward to that is what gets me through the days. My "at home" friends will not have that, nor will they experience many of the extras that us working moms may be able to afford for our children.

To the person way up above that takes the time to get up , excercise and then read a book or magazine before waking up the kids....good gracious- all the power to you. I'm a retail executive that works 55 hrs a week only because I have to cut out to get to daycare. I manage 85 employees and 9 dept managers. The demands on me are overwhelming. sometimes i will pick her up, then have to go back to work when husband gets home. He and I switch off on the daycare. he's a blessing! I value my sleep time SO much that I don't leave any lull time between getting up and driving to daycare in the a.m. Between 6am and 7:30, it's nonstop, and a grumpy 3 yr old does not help the stress. But I have to have my sleep.
When i get home at 6 pm lately i don't even have any energy to make dinner, and want to go to bed by 8 pm. I feel terribly guilty toward my husband b/c i am always so tired. And with a baby due soon, I had better think of a better plan!
My store manager is a man that is married, his small daughter lives far away with the mother, and he had little to do with raising his older daughter. Therefore he has not experienced the demands of raising a child. so if I am late by 15 minutes in the morning b/c my child threw up in the car or she decided she had to go potty last minute, he really doesn't want to hear about it and cannot empathize a bit. THis ads to my stress. THe one thing I do MAKE time to get done for myself to stay above water is get a bimonthly therapeautic massage. It gives me soemthing to look forward to, and relaxes me. As well it keeps my body going forward instead of shutting down. I thank everyone for giving me some reality to read and showing me that I am not alone, i may not be the only one shedding tears now and then, and I'm not the only one doing the very best that I can do to provide for my family. My daughter's smile and happiness to see me at 6pm everyday is something that a "stay at home" mom cannot experience and I value it everyday!!!!!
-- TANYA

HOW!!! I just can't believe how many working moms are all in the same boat. My schedule is very similar to the rest of the moms, except that I work the afternoon shift, so it helps that I have time to take my son (5yrs.) to school and get some light housework in before work, and occasionally my husband will pick up our son and get him dinner before I get home at 8:00pm. The nights he doesn't pick up our son things are a little more hectic. The things I have found that help keep our ship afloat are to leave the high stress job. I was a RN at a very busy hospital, but I left for a more rewarding job with foster care children. It is less money, but the lower stress level is well worth it, and I feel like I'm giving something back to my community. It also puts things in prespective, we all need to be thankful for what we have. Another tip is to learn to love the trash can. If we haven't used it within the last few months I pitch it. If the husband leaves things laying around they go in to the trash. Trust me he learns to take care of his own mess, this also works well with children. Anyway, good luck to all of us, and when all us fails, PRAY!!!
-- Mandi

There's no need for any mom to criticize another mom's life!! Far better to support each other in our choices and challenges. Tanya, I am sure you would not appreciate an at-home mom pointing out what you "cannot experience" or shaking her head at the priority you place on material possessions. Every choice has its drawbacks and benefits, and I wish we could all just pursue our individual paths without the guilt and the sniping.

I cared for my son full-time for three years and I was happy to trade my paycheck for all that time with him. Now I need to go back to work, and I've just accepted a full-time job, starting next week. My feelings are genuinely mixed. I look forward to the paycheck and the professional opportunity, but am on the verge of tears every time I think of being away from my son for 10-11 hours each day. I am not as worried about the practical challenges as I am about the emotional challenges facing all of us.

For me, I will rely on my skills as a planner and manager. I'm hiring someone to clean, and streamlining everything else as much as possible. My son's preschool is across the street from our home, I have my groceries delivered, I use public transportation, and I do my banking and shopping online as much as possible so I don't have to worry about maintaining and paying for a car. We are starting to cook once or twice a month, filling the freezer with meals that can be popped into the oven and supplemented with salad and veggies. (This saves us the stress of eating out with a preschooler, too!)

Thanks to all of you for sharing your challenges and your solutions. God bless!
-- Nancy

This site is great, I was begining to think I was all alone in the sea of sleepless motherhood!!
I am currently on the 3rd shift to accomidate everyone elses schedule! (that's what they keep telling me anyway) I arrive home from work (12 hours)at 8am to greet 2 hungry & extreamly energetic children (5&3) the 10yr old has mercifully left for school already(hopefully in matching clothes). I get everyone breakfast & begin my day. I clean one room a day & do 2 loads of wash 3x a week. I get the 5 yr old off to school at 12:10 and lay down with the 3yr old. I nap till 2:45 when the 10yr old comes in with 10million of her extreamly loud & hungry friends. after snacks & homework, the 5 yr old is getting off the bus. 6 o'clock is dinner time (somenights my husband is home by this time, but he works 9-9 3 days a week) after dinner it is baths & bed for the kids. If hubby is home I leave for work at 7pm. If not , its off to bed for 2 hours..only to start the day all over again. ( I sleep on my days off) I have 2 of those a week... I am switching jobs and shifts in 2 weeks (can't wait) But I am also going back to school (getting my RN) the new job is a little more flexible, and I will work from 6:30am-3pm daily (big break)
Good luck to you all, and remember "All things are possible with GOD"
-- Lisa

There's not much more to add, but like you all I have a schedule similar - start really early, fall down around 10.00. I have one child - and am thinking about a second, but worried about even more work...I'd like to invite any of you who are interest to our Balancing Act bulletin board - again, we're all in the same boat.......

http://boards2.parentsplace.com/messages/get/ppbalancingact83.html

-- Harriet

I am having a hard time dealing with all the pressure. I am a single mom with a 16 year old daughter and an 11 year old son. My neice, 9, and my nephew, 17, are also living with me. I do not get any support from the kids' dads except for bad mouthing about how I raise the kids. My mom lives a mile away, but she can't stand being around the kids with their arguing and horse playing. My son is playing football and my neice is cheerleading for his team - they have games and practice 3 nights a week and Saturday morning and I am the team mom for both teams. We attend church on Sunda morning and I want to be able to attend church Sunday and Wed. night, but I am too exhausted. The last two weeks were spent sqeezing in Dr., dentists and vision appts. - thank God the vision appts were on Sat. I live 45 minutes from my job, I work from 7:30 to 4:30, rush home to change clothes to get the kids to practice by 6:00 about 10 miles away. We finally get home about 8:30 or 9:00, then I get to make something for dinner, usually sandwiches, before straightening up the house, washing a load of clothes, making sure homework is done, etc. Friday nights are reserved for movies and pizza. The problem I am having is trying to take time to have fun with the kids. Money is very tight and the kids are always wanting to go places that cost money. The things that don't cost money are boring to them. I don't remember going places when I was a kid - as a matter of fact, we didn't even get to go to the store with my mom. The kids say I am too serious and worry too much about money. How can I have fun with the kids with little time and money?

-- Cindy

I tend to think that I have it easy sometimes. I am divorced and have a 3yr old daughter. Her father does everything as he should; takes responsibility for her and is an active part in her life, she stays with him every other weekend. My day begins at 6am, soon to be changed to 5:30 so that I have a few moments in which to breathe in the morning before I join the rat race. Immediately, I hop in the shower. After my shower, I wake my daughter and settle her on the couch to watch PBS while she wakes. I get dressed and then fix her breakfast, which depending on how I'm doing time-wise will be anything from cereal to pancakes. Then I'll fix my hair and make up. After she's done eating, it's time for her to get dressed, which she can normally do by herself, but I'll pick out the clothes depending on the weather. In between dressing her and fixing her hair I'll throw together her lunch and mine. Then we're off to school/work by 7:20, but not before I grab: Purse, cell phone, day timer, lunch bags, sweater/jackets, keys... and oh yeah.. my daughter too. My evenings are taken with preparing dinner and giving my daughter a bath, and a little snuggle time before she's off to bed, which is at 8pm. Then it's laundry or cleaning and maybe a little relax time before I crash completely.

I found this site because I was looking to see if there were any working MOMs clubs around, like they have the SAHM clubs. Most of my friends are stay at home mom's, I cant do that. They also live a good distance away from me now (I've moved recently) so I'm dealing with trying to find new friends for my daughter and I on top of everything else also. It's not always easy to handle it all... but I'm trying. I think that's all we can do, is try. Life is short, we should live each day to the fullest. If I only practiced what I preach though... :)

-- Kim

I am very behind. I feel so overwhelmed at times I just burst into tears. I feel as though I'm rushing around being snappy with my children, co-workers, husband, etc. and why? It is simply because I never have enough time or energy. I have two children 5 and 3 and expecting my third in January. My husband works a full-time job as an engineer, owns his own excavating business and we also have a farm with cattle. He has no time to help. Sundays we go to church and usually to his mother's house to visit and then we check cattle the rest of the afternoon. He leaves at 6am and gets home at 8pm. I do all the cooking, cleaning and 90% of the child care duties. I also work 40 hours a week. I hate to run errands on my lunch so I don't. I feel like that is the only real time to myself without my children that I have through the week. I'm also not going to pack a lunch or come home and clean. Again, I feel like that hour is ME time to eat lunch with friends, do frivilous shopping, and just enjoy myself. I am terribly frustrated about my lack of time with my children and lack of patience with them due to being so stressed and rushed all time. My husband and I considering living on one income and I will not return to work after my third child is born. I know there will be sacrifices like no new car anytime soon but in the sceme of things I think it will be to my advantage. I know that everyone can't afford to stay at home and many don't want to even if they could afford it, but I am strongly considering it. I want to be a patient and understanding mother and I don't feel like I'm giving them everything they need.
-- Kim

I used to try to 'do everything', like many of you seem to be doing in this list. But then I thought: 'when i die, am i going to have 'I worked for Company X-Y-Z' on my tombstone??' Is anyone at work going to actually miss me, or remember me as much as my family will?' Of course not! so then why should i care so much about how i'm doing in my career?! I should care more about my family, realising that i will never be able to become a stay at home mom, i've done too much graduate studies to be able to do that. So i've lowered my professional standards: i gave up a high level management job that had 'corporate promotability' factors, and my new career mantra is : it's ok to be average, and 'it's just a job'. And i've accepted, thought with difficulty, i admit! to be somewhat bored at work. And i also take vacation without pay, to spend more time with the kids. And i'm far more relaxed as a result, and my older kids (5 and 8) told me that i'm the best mommy in the world. Now THAT'S more important than being 'excellent' at work!!
PS: i have given up ironing permamently, and no one even notices! and our house is not picked up everyday, only once a week with the help of a cleaning person. It's a messy, disorderly, HAPPY place.
-- Lorraine

My husband and I both work full time, we have two children 10 and 6. We do a lot of sharing of responsibilities, I think that helps. I was glad to read all your responses! I don't know how we do it. I run errands during my lunch hour when I get one. I know I stay up late just so I can have some quiet time..I use to get some exercise on my bike but with the time change, I dont' go because I dont' like to be out in the dark by myself. I give as much time to my kids as possible, but that also includes making sure they get enough rest,so they are usually in bed by 9pm at the very latest. I find I don't keep up on my social life because it's all I can do to make sure my family life stays on track. Recently I took a break and took a week off, just to take it off...I think I will do that again, probably in the summer, It's really helped me get some energy back.
-- Kim

I used to think I was the only one who felt like I couldn't get anything done, and little or no help from my husband. I have a 2 year old and 8 month old, and my 8 month old was very colicky when she was born and I worked at a very busy Dr. office and you couldn't leave at 5:00 when you were still seeing patients, so after working there for 4 years I quit to stay home with my kids, daycare was taking all my money so I wasn't bring home any thing home and I was so exhaused when I did come home and than I had to cook and take care of my daughter who screamed for hr's at night, well now I feel like a new person my daughter is better and my son doesn't cry in the am anymore (he hated daycare) and I'm much more at ease with myself and all the house work, I found the perfect business opportunity so I can work at home and I have time to spend with my kids and keep up w/ the house cleaning. feel free to check out my website, maybe some of you can feel better and stop worring how to get every thing done like me:) http://mc.themomteam.com its a great business very STRESS FREE! that was something I was looking for, now my kids are happy and I even get my husband to help and I don't even have to ask.
-- Michele

Jackie-
It sounds to me that there may be a lot of tension between you and your daughter. Perhaps you can sit her down and you can listen to what is going on in her life. Listen with an open mind and don't be quick to respond. It may be that she really didn't want to leave at all. It could be a lot of different things. Just listen-don't pass judgement. Allow her to return to your home with the understanding that she needs to follow the rules. It is okay to allow a bit of room for negotiation that way she feels that she has some part in the rules and gives her a sense of independance. Remember that these rules are for her safety and your sanity. Remember to keep and open mind and teach her that there are some principle rules that she is going to have to follow-no matter where she lives. Especially if her boyfriend is in the military. Don't force your child at this age to do things. Let them be a part of the decision making process. They are trying to show that they are independant. Your daughter is still very young-suggest to her that you both go to a counselor to get thing off your chest and to work things out. It sounds like you are concerned about your daughter. Take some time to listen without judging. Good luck.
-- Evelyn

It is great to have a spare moment to find this site and read that everyone else stuggles. I used to be able to handle work and the home life, I was a perfectionist and had to have everything perfect. One day I think I woke up and realized I was missing out on everything else. I am in the military and have never worked less than 50 hrs a week. We move frequently and this time my husband has a job that requires him to work from 2pm -11pm. I dont live by any family and I dont have any girlfriends that live in this state. The only support network I have is through the phone and computer. I have a boy who is 11 and a girl who is 3. I do everything myself with the help of the kids when they are not fighting. There is fustration of my husband not doing anything but I got over that a long time ago. I love being a mom and I love my job. I get up at 5:00 and get myself ready and make breakfast. I get the kids up at and showered and dressed and am off to work by 630. My 3yr goes to a great daycare and my son stays at home and waits on the bus. (my husband is still in bed) I am the only female at my work but they treat me great and are very understanding when I have problems. My day ends at probably 530. We have to workout 3 days a week and luckily it is during work. If I was not forced to I probably wouldnt. But I do find it relaxing. My son is very active playing sports and boyscouts and my daughter is in gymnastics. An average night is rushing home to take one of them to a sporting event and spending quality time with the other child while we are watching. We eat out regularly or its grilled cheese and soup. I rarely find the time for a real meal. I leave that for the weekend. As long as we sit together who cares what we eat, some of the best conversations are over a bowl of cereal or ice cream for supper. Then its homework and bath time. I usually clean up from dinner during bath time and about twice a week I clean the bathroom while my daughter is bathing. I let them watch tv until 830 then its off to bed. I cant get my daughter out of my bed so I am laying down and reading with her till she goes to sleep. Then if I have not fallen alseep, I get my housework done, ironing, laundry and picking up. I work 2 weekends a month and have to go out of town about every 2 months, luckily at this job I am only gone for about 2-3 weeks at a time. I dont have a life other than my childrens and I constantly remind myself that I do believe that this is what we were put on earth to do, and if I was not raising children and a husband I would be lost cause I would be truely missing out. The biggest chore I have every day is to make sure I get out of bed!! Remember everyday is a different adventure!
-- Lyn

I just got home from my English 101 class, after 10pm. I need to write a paper for next weeks class on working moms; that is how I found this.
What a treat. Of course I won"t write any of my paper tonight; it's after midnight and my alarm willl go off at 5:45am. I work full time, have four children and a terrific husband of 22years.
My life is hectic as anyones, but most days I love it. I have a busy, hopital job. Work minimum of 40 hours a week, and take call 1 week a month. I wish I had more hours in the day, more time at home with my children(ages 21thru 8), and time for friend"s to visit, and time to clean,but...
life is full and I try to remmember all the good and love in my life. Goodnight, I'll read and write again. (Hopefully I didn't misspell too many words, I am tired and am not going to proofread......

o
-- joy

I don't! Although my husband helps out, things fall behind. In recent years I have started taking advantage of when I'm off in between contracts. I purposely take more time off than sometimes necessary and I try to catch up and stay ahead of the "game". There is a price to pay for this, though, and that is that our family depends on a single income when I'm not working. I think it is worth it. My husband does not always agree, but seems to be getting used to the idea.
-- Manuela

I'm a single working mother of a busy, bright 3-yr-old. Keep up? Well, I guess that just depends on how you set your priorities. I know my angel will be grown before I can blink twice, so my time with her comes first. I work regular hours (8-5) so that helps a lot, but other than dinner, I don't do any chores until after she goes to bed at 8:30. We play and color and read stories and sometimes watch a movie and of course, there's bathtime. I see her for 2 1/2 hours a day during the week, and I have no intention of spending it doing housework. After she's in bed, I spend 30 minutes doing the kitchen and one other chore, whichever I pick. That gives me an hour to myself before bed at 10:00. The heavy stuff, like vacuuming and mopping the floor and cleaning the bathrooms usually happens on Sunday evenings, and I alternate weeks with some of the chores. The bathrooms don't get scrubbed every week, and neither does the kitchen floor, but every other week seems to work just as well. She is responsible for picking up her own toys, but she doesn't have to do it every day - just on Sunday nite. She also loves to help me empty the dishwasher and fold clothes, so that's time we get to spend together and it helps teach her how to take care of herself. It only takes a couple of hours, and then I can bring the two of us home to a clean house on Monday evenings. Involving her in the household duties makes them a little less tedious, and helps teach her how to be a contributing member of the family. Keeping my social obligations to a reasonable schedule and admitting that I am not and never will be superwoman, and giving myself permission to be imperfect keeps my stress level to a minimum. I'll have plenty of time for a perfect house when she's grown and gone. A child who feels loved and important is much more important than a white-glove house.
-- Robin

Wow. Life is so easy and I am so grateful. I remember all the frustrations of earlier years when I had a lot of kids and not alot of money. Life is different now. I work 50 (give or take a few) hours a week and have 4 children. My twin boys just turned 17, my daughter is 14, and I have an 10 year old boy. My youngest is away at school most of the time. We live in Central America (Costa Rica) where it is VERY affordable to have a full time housekeeper- I have 2 of them and thank goddess! I can't immagine doing what you guys do again! I came to this site because I've been giving some very serious thought to having another baby. Trying to decide if I really want to invest another 20 years and whether or not I'm ready to balance my career with raising a little one again. I make alot more money than I used to-and life is, as I said, alot easier than it used to be. Still- homework, booboos, the flu, the terrible twos. hmmmm. And yet- those sweet smiles, the scholastic accomplishments, the incredably phenomenally cool feeling I get when I interact with or just sit back and watch the almost grown, intelligent, funny, independant, socially adept, amazing person that is the child I raised. What is it? Why do I feel the need? I KNOW it's a ton of work- regardless of how easy life is today or how much domestic help I have. What was the question? How do we stay ahead? We just do. We are women. Women are amazing. We struggle, we push on, we just do what we need to do. Sometimes it's easy and sometimes it's hard. Always it's rewarding. I don't know what I'll do. I think I'll sit on it for a year and search my heart and soul for an answer. Maybe the answer will be to adopt a baby. Maybe the answer will be to wait for another 10 or 15 years for some grandbabies to love. Maybe the answer will be to bring another gift of life into the world. Thanks for the forum- thanks for the space to put down my thoughts.
-- Lyn

I am a school teacher who choses to go back to work this upcoming school year. My son will be one. My husband and I plan to put him in a day care center near our home. I dread the backlash I might get from my colleagues. Many whom believe that a mom should stay at home and raise her children. I've been asked why I would want to be with other peoples kids and not my own. Many of the other teacher's perceive my husband to make a lot of money. I was able to stay home for the first year of my son's life and I live in a very nice neighborhood. I plan to purchase a nice car as a result of the income I will be bringing in. We will be needing a car soon. It may be fancier than some of the other teacher's cars. I''m afraid my co workers will say that I'm just working for to pay for my new car. I'm tired of having to explain myself to these people. How should I handle this situation? Oh by the way, unfortunately it's only the women at my work who assault me with such questions.
-- Lisa

I get up at 5:30am every morning so I can get to work by 8:30am. I get up, make lunches for me and my husband, while he feeds and changes the baby. We have a 4 month old daughter. I drive 30 mins to Daycare every morning, and 30 minutes to work. Then I have an hour of my lunch break I spend working during, or paying bills. I get off work at 5:00pm, pick up my daughter from daycare and drive another hour long round trip. I get in the door at 6:30pm!!!! Then, I have to make dinner, while my husband takes the baby. She usually goes to sleep around 9:30, then I finally go to bed at 10:00pm. I only see my child for three hours a night. I am exhausted.
-- Marie

I love some of the ideas in here. I'm a freelance writer doing a piece for Baby Talk magazine on the Working Mom's Time Crunch. I am looking for tips from working moms of all vocations to tell new moms how to: cook healthy, exercise regularly, spend time with spouse, make time for self and do household chores. I would be grateful if some of you would contact me at my email address: jwcreative@earthlink.net. You might be quoted: full name, hometown and possibly job title. Thank you!
-- Winnie

After reading all of these answers, I guess I realize I am not alone. But why is it that the women are the ones doing all of these things to keep family life moving as it should be. Is there any way to keep oneself from being exhausted all the time? I feel like I can't possibly keep this pace up forever.....I must say though it makes me feel better to know that the other working moms are in the same boat......
-- Linda

-- Denise

I don't have a husband, but from what I'm reading that's a good thing! My son's father (he's 15 month) and I lived togeter for three years before Jadin was born, but afterwards I realized I had to choose which baby to raise and the one I gave birth too easily won. I am up at 6 am, clean the house real quick from the previous night, get dressed, and then wake and dress Jadin. I get him to daycare, and go to work at 8, then go to school nights from 5:30-9:30 three times a week. My only babysitters are my mother and grandmother, so here's a tip, always say thank you and bring enough stuff for your child (clothes extra juice, etc.)They don't mind because I work fast and Jadin usually spends the whole time asleep. Then I pick him up SAY THANK YOU and fix myself supper, feed him if he's hungry again, and rewind with a movie checked out for free from the library. We either fall asleep on the couch or then move to the bed when the movie's done. On the nights I don't have school we eat cooked meals from the weekend and go walking, do general house chores, etc. I don't work weekends; that is mine and Jadin's time together (and yes as a poor single mother it is worth it to me not to pay a babysitter half my hourly pay and have weekends off)That's when we go do free community things like the park or baseball games and I also cook the week's meals on Sundays (lasagne, stew, just freeze until ready for use).
-- Michele

We're still actually trying to work out how to stay ahead ourselves:) My son is only 2.5 months old, so we're still in that stage where things haven't settled into a routine yet.

My husband was laid off right after we found out I was pregnant and has been unable to find a job, so he is staying home with the baby for the time being.

We're technically not really keeping up at the moment because we haven't really found a good rhythm for the chores. My husband is still doing the bulk of them since he's the one who is at home. However, our son is at an age where he still doesn't like to be put down for very long, so all housework is done in 10-15 minute increments. We also don't have a car, so all errands and shopping are done on foot. This means that most errands and shopping have to wait until the weekend when we're both home.

Generally speaking:
- I clean out the litter box when I come in the door, before I head upstairs to nurse the baby.

- My husband loads and unloads the dishwasher, does the laundry and is in charge of cooking dinner while I nurse the baby in the evening.

- I do general tidying up while my husband holds the baby in the evening. This means gathering up all the wrappers, containers, onion peels etc. that my husband has left lying around the kitchen throughout the day and putting them in the trash, wiping down the counters and tables, collecting glasses and plates from around the house and putting them in the sink to soak before they go into the dishwasher and sweeping up the floors.

Bigger cleaning efforts have to wait until the weekend, usually Saturday morning or Sunday afternoon. I give the bathroom a onceover every two weeks or so. My husband washes the kitchen floor on Saturdays.

Our living room is currently suffering the most from neglect because it's the room we've been spending the least time in and the bathrooms should probably get a onceover every week instead of every two weeks, but it'll do for the time being.

I guess in general, our coping strategy has been to prioritize what's most important to keep clean on a regular basis and learning to phase tasks in alongside babycare.

For example, if my son is really fussy, one of us will put him in his sling and walk around the house tidying or walk to the store to pick up whatever is needed because walking is the best way to calm the baby down.

If I'm watching the baby, I can usually get a load of laundry folded because I can lay the baby down beside me on the bed and he's happy there long enough for me to fold.

One thing that has helped a lot, has been using a baby sling. I bought a fabric sling to carry the baby in and he loves being in there and that frees up my hands to do a wider variety of tasks than if I had to carry him on one arm.

I can sweep, put away groceries, tidy, put away clean dishes and if I position myself carefully, write checks with the baby in the sling.
-- Beth

IAM NERVOUS NOW!!! i HAVE BEEN A STAY AT HOME MOM FOR THE LAST 6 YEARS. I REALIZE HOW LUCKY I HAVE BEEN TO HAVE HAD THE TIME WITH MY KIDS. I DID BABYSIT FOR SEVERAL OTHER FAMILIES AND WAS VERY BUSY. I RETURNED TO COLLEGE LAST YEAR AND AM VERY CLOSE TO GRADUATING. OUR FINANCES BECAME SO STRESSFUL THAT MY HUSBAND AND I DECIDED IT WAS TIME TO RETURN TO A JOB WITH A STEADY DEPENDABLE INCOME. SO NEXT WEEK AFTER 6 YEARS I AM GOING BACK TO WORK. I WILL BE WORKING AS AN ASSISTANT BRANCH MANAGER FOR A LOCAL BANK. ATTENDING CLASS 2 NIGHTS A WEEK AND FIGURING IT ALL OUT ALONG THE WAY. WE HAVE TWO KIDS 5 & 6. BOTH WILL BE ATTENDING SCHOOL FULL TIME IN THE FALL AND BE IN A LOCAL HOMEBASED DAYCARE (ACTUALLY A WOMAN WHO I BABYSAT FOR PREVIOUSLY) MY JOB, THE KIDS SCHOOL AND DAYCARE ARE ALL LESS THAN A MILE FROM EACH OTHER SO THAT SHOULD HELP...ANY SUGGESTIONS WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED...
-- STEPHANIE

Hello..I am a 20 year old Female Au-Pair living in Germany for the time being. I want to move to Boise Idaho or near the area to hopefully attend Nursing school there. I am a Registered nurse there as well. I love children and can take some of the stress of your everday life. I am registered with an Agengey in germany and utah. I would rather go thru you privately. Its cheeper for you that way. I would be able to come as soon as possiable. Thanks for taking the time to read this. You can contact me in germany at 011-49-160-279-2415 thanks alot..Mareike
-- Mareike

Hello..I am a 20 year old Female Au-Pair living in Germany for the time being. I want to move to Boise Idaho or near the area to hopefully attend Nursing school there. I am a Registered nurse there as well. I love children and can take some of the stress of your everday life. I am registered with an Agengey in germany and utah. I would rather go thru you privately. Its cheeper for you that way. I would be able to come as soon as possiable. Thanks for taking the time to read this. You can contact me in germany at 011-49-160-279-2415 thanks alot..Mareike


-- Mareike

I am a mother of 2, I live on a farm with many animals including horses, I work 40-60 hours a week 1 hour away from my home, and I attend night school. I literally don't have a moment to use the restroom when I need to, so I have become very protective of my time out of desperation. I never let others impose upon me.

I recommend that every parent invest time into training their children to help with age-appropriate chores, but be careful not to work them so hard that you take away their childhood. Allowing your children to help gives them confidence, especially when you praise, thank and reward them for their efforts. You do have to set down your ideals and give them the space and time to learn through experience how to do their chores well. Too much criticism will ruin the ultimate goal of spreading the responsibility around. Remember that part of the problem with husbands is that their mothers did everything for them, because mothers had the time to pamper them in those days. Working women today don't have that luxury, and we want to raise our own children to be responsible and contribute to the family so that they don't grow up to infuriate their spouses.

I'm interested in how our society is going to change over the next 20 years, because working mothers are definitely at a breaking point. I'm always astounded when my children's teachers send home notes requesting that items be bought or baked for the class by morning. I get home after 10 PM when all the stores are closed. I had one teacher require my grammar school-aged daughter to job shadow after school within the community once a week. My daughter was in daycare, and there was no one to drive her to these assignments. I have had to train these teachers to be more sensitive to the lifestyles of families with working parents. It's not fair to punish a child with a poor grade because her parents weren't available to help her complete the assignment. This isn't the 1950's anymore.

I'm also amazed by the pressure put on people to follow maintenance schedules. I normally have anywhere between 1 to 5 appointments per week, all of which are scheduled during weekday work hours. Between the kids, the animals, the vehicles, household appliances and myself, we have dentist, doctor, vet, orthodontry, optometry, delivery, repair, and various maintenance appointments disrupting our schedules from every angle. No sooner do I think I've cleared my slate, and another one of those postcards arrives informing me that someone or something is due for a looksee. Fortunately, I have an understanding boss. If I didn't, I would have to quit my job just to handle all these demands, none of which I'd be able to afford because I wouldn't have a job. Catch 22. Something has got to change.
-- Leah

I was having the same dilemma. Then I realized that motherhood and trying to maintain my relationship are much more important than anything. I work full time, and have a fifteen month old son and a husband to take care of. There is no need to try to stay ahead of it all, that will soon become overwhelming. Just take it all in stride and do what you can. Remember, that dirty dishes aren't going to give you a huge hug at the end of the day, your family will. You just have to put it all in perspective. What is more important? What can wait two days? A helpful hint.... let the dust and grime pile up all week, then on the weekend tackle it when everyone is sleeping, or at nap time. Also, don't forget about yourself, do some yoga...breathe, have a bath. Enjoy this life, it is all you will have.
-- Lisa

I just wrote a comment and realized that I don't take care of my husband. When I get home after picking up our son from daycare, the house is clean and supper is on the table. It took years, but he helps.
-- Lisa

I cringed while reading everyone's comments. I gave up being "super woman/mom" a long time ago. If it doesn't get done, it just doesn't get done, and a lot of things at our house go undone but it's better than driving myself crazy and getting all stressed out. I've learned to accept things less than perfect and I feel a lot better for it. So what if there's a couple of laundry baskets in my living room and some dishes in the sink? I've learned to stop worrying about what other people think and to start taking care of myself. If people who come to my house don't understand, then they're not my real friends! We've also learned to decrease the amount of extra activities we're all involved. Is it going to matter 20 years from now that little Susie took dance, tumbling, piano, scouts and swimming every season? We only do one or two activities and we're much better for it. The key for our family is to slow down, accept, do less and smell the roses!
-- Kara

Okay I have read some of the responses and I have to say that I was never happy while I was trying to be perfect. I was only worried all the time. Organization is the most important thing to getting the most out of your time. Staying ahead is hard but if you do not get to perfection forgive yourself. We all would like to live in houses that look as if Christopher Lowell decorated them. We would all like to have families that didn't annoy us. And wearing clothes that look like they came out of a catalog. We would all like to drive cars that were clean and smelling fresh. But how much of these things are done to impress others. Or to feel that others envy us. Many times when it looks great from the outside it is not great on the inside. People should only do what is important to them when it comes to cleaning. There are lots of shortcut to take. Poptarts. Not using topsheets. Getting up earlier than everyone else but the only one I really love is the answer to the question "Who am I trying to stay ahead of?"
-- Annie

How do you juggle everything? Well, basically you don't because it will drive you to insanity trying. i found this ot on a first hand basis when I was working full-time raising a 6 month old and 2 year old (who are now 2 and 4). As a lot of responses already said my husband helped out with house work in fact we even decided the who did what list ( worked for a month) because his schedule at work changed to graveyards. I worked full-time retail and had ever changing
hours. We finally decided that the daycare expense, my working and being stressed 100% of the time and therefore my kids not getting needed Mommy time or Dadd time or both of us time needed a change.
About 7 months ago I quit my joband took the kids out of daycare and my hubby got laid off but was able to get another job which likes better than previous so if he is happier he is a better helper. I have found out that being full-time stay home mom is harder than working full-time. I did not realize exactly how much house work I needed to do and trying to get it odne been meals, snacks and naps. Very intersting!!! My children and I have actually formed a routine. We(actually they) get up 7:30am, then hubby is up at 8am and out the door by 8:30. Once Daddy is off to work then breakfast is served till probably round 10am. Playtime and little Blue's Clues and then naps are at 11:30 to about 2pm. At 2pm it is snack time till about 3pm. I usually get dishes loaded and running and laundry started while the kids nap and grab time to do bills and and computer related work done then too. Hubby arives home around 6pm so we sit down to dinner by 7pm and the kids are bathed and in bed by 8:30pm.
Mom then falls dead on the couch and Dad hit his computer or we watch a movie together.
My only problem is that I suffer from lack of adult interaction during the day and sometimes I go nuts. ( I figure when you can hum the Blue's Clues theme you know you' ve lost it ! :) )
I would not give the time I have had with my children. We go to church on Sundays but we make it a part of everyday life. I pray every night that God will grant me the wisdom and sanity need to love my husband and raise my children as He intended me too.
P.S. I write a lot of to do lists and check them as I accomplish the tasks. Speaking of which there are dishes and laundry calling me now. :)
-- Tracy

After reading everyones messages--I am not feeling as overwhelmed as I was earlier.

I work full time out of home in PR, have a 1 year old and another on the way in April. I have really been stressing lately! Since my DD was born, I have relaxed my standards quite a bit--used to be quite a perfectionist when it came to housework!

I now realize that there is still room for relaxing my standards. Such as the fact that I am in charge of everything within the household--paying bills, getting groceries, doctor appointments, you name it!

It is not that my husband won't help, it is just that I have had a difficult time relinquishing the control over some things! After reading the posts I realized it is time that he do the bill paying and grocery shopping once in awhile and I may even seriously consider having a housekeeper come in once in awhile.

It is refreshing to hear that I am not the only one who seems at "wits end" sometimes and from the looks of some of the messages, I have alot more relaxed schedule than some!

Thanks!
-- Shannon

The comments to this week's question are sad commentary on our way of life. We all need to slow down. Don't take things so seriously. When we as mothers have an empty nest are we going to look back and think about how well we cleaned our house or how good a mother/wife we were.? Please, put things into perspective. I am a first grade teacher;one of saddest work days I've had was on the day we did a mother's day project. My students were asked "what do and your mom do together"? More than half said mom's always cleaning house she doesn't have time to do anything with me!!!! When are children grow up to have children of their own, do we want them to neglect our grandchildren the way we treated them? We as mother's are putting housework and the way "things will look" before our children.
My son is now 11 years old, I can never have all the wasted time back. If you have young children please if at all possible stay home,but if that's not possible; make them THE priority.
-- julie

It is very hard to stay focused on any one of these tasks, let alone, all of them all at once. I think the best way to deal with all of these things is to not deal with them. What I mean is, we need to not try to live up to a standard that has been set by anyone but ourselves.However we deal with our situation is up to us. If spending time with our children is more important than a sparkling sink so be it. If meditating 15 minutes a day will GREATLY improve our well-being and outlook, DO IT!!!We all have the same 24 hours in a day, and we all spend way too much time trying have the Martha Stewart/Glamour life, when the truth is most of us don't really want to have that life anyway! We all want the same basic things- love, respect, and happiness. Those are not found in a windex bottle, an email memo, or a potroast in the oven. They are found in ourselves, and must above all things, give to ourselves first. If we don't, how can we give to others? We are all strong, talented women who need to put ourselves FIRST! All other things will follow, but remember, To Thine Own Self Be True.... (and once in a while, make hubby do something!!)
-- Erica

I'm am practically in tears now as I have found this site for the first time and feel like I have found a home! I have not been able to connect with any working mom's at all! None of my co-workers have kids and all of my outside work friends stay at home! I have felt like there is no one like me and no one understands what I go through everyday - thanks!!!!!!!
-- diane

Lisa, don't worry about what your collegues say, I think alot of people like to verbalise their own guilt. If you want to teach and the extra money buys you a car, then that's your decision, just ignore the women at work. I too am a teacher, and a mother of four. I too harbour feelings of guilt, as my youngest is only 2. We really do try to juggle things, and sometimes I feel I'm failing, but I realise that I'm doing the best I can, my kids are okay, and in the end they are happy and love me, so what else matters? My three older children (11, 9 and 5) have to do alot to help out, and it does make a difference. I want my boys (11 and 9) to be independent and helpful, so they make their own lunches before school everyday, they put away their laundry, they have other regular chores like putting out the garbage and compost, they take care of their little sisters while I cook dinner, reading them stories,or putting on a video for them. Unfortunately I also feel my husband could do more, so his solution is to employ a student to clean for us once a week, and to pay her to babysit, so we can have a bit of a social life. He also helps out with meals. I've stopped stressing about the way my kids look, sometimes Lily goes to school with the same braids in her hair as the day before, sometimes we forget to brush the toddler's teeth, but in the end it doesn't matter. And when friends visit and the house is a mess, that doesn't matter either, they came to visit us didn't they, not the house? I also try to take time out for me, whether it is a walk on the beach at the end of the day, coffee with girlfriends after work, and having my hair done every couple of months. My husband and I always go out for a drink on Friday afternoons, after work, and pick up the kids from daycare before buying pizza and videos. It really does help. Certainly we, as women, must bring up our kids, particularly males, to be helpful, loving and kind, and not to treat mothers, girlfriends or wives as personal slaves. It just isn't acceptable. And we have to let them know that. It has been wonderful reading about everyone's juggling acts, thanks.
-- Angela

So here I am 2 weeks back from 2nd maternity leave and must first say this: WE ARE ALL AWESOME!!! So remember that. I have a tight network of 2 other working moms at the office and we like to remind eachother to treat ourselves like we want our husbands to! But yourself flowers, eat well, focus only on your positive qualities. Some more advice:
1. Go to your local Liquidators type outlet and buy big wicker baskets. One for each kid. And throw all their stuff in there - toys, shoes, favorite blankets, lunch box. There, house is clean. I know, someday you'll design that built-in unit for your mudroom but here in reality we use cheap baskets.

2. Can't afford a cleaning srvice every week? Go every other and do not dare pick up that vacuum cleaner in between weeks.

3. I call my 3 year old at day care every afternoon and we plan the evening so there are no surprises. I tell her what's for dinner, if it's bath night. And we get to connect, which is great.

4. Buy 25 pairs of underwear for each kid, lots of socks - all cheap. (I ask for this for holiday gifts from grandparents) When you haven't
gotten to the laundry, you'll still have essentials. Toss as they wear out.

That's all for now. Keep the faith. When they are about 30, our kids will appreciate it all.
-- Julie

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