Juggling Workshop
Working Moms' Q & A

The daily tug-of-war between your career and your kids can leave you torn between the two worlds. Where do you turn? The Juggling Workshop! Ask questions and share suggestions about juggling work and family.

This week's question:

I'm a young single mother of a 12 month old, a pre-school teacher and a full time college student. I can understand your frustrations with your son, but he probably just really, really misses spending time with you, and could be confused with the new schedule of things. This may sound really crazy, but we keep a rigid schedule to accomplish everything I want to accomplish while still spending plenty of quality time together. It really works well. My son at the age of 12 months knows the nightly routine (as well as the morning routine) and he runs straight for the bathtub right after dinner. I think making a predictable environment with plenty of quality time (ie-reading books together, banging on pots and pans, blowing bubbles, etc) in the evening instead of trying to study with give you more rewards, and your child will love the attention. I push all of my schoolwork aside until my son goes to bed, which is scheduled at 7:30 (and we have a nightly ritual of eating a piece of cheese while reading a book or two). This gives me at least three full hours a night to get some work done before I need to go to bed, and it is wonderful. It seems to work well for us.
-- Jill

I understand completely what it is like to go to school and rise a toddler. For the past 2 1/2 years I have gone to school part time work full time and tried to spend time with my child. It is not easy, but you have to have a schedule. I was lucky though, I had the support of my husband and family through that time. It will work out in the end, and it will be worth it.
-- Eve

I sympathize with your situation. It is an almost universal problem that if mom is around, toddlers will demand their attention. Is it possible that this particular childcare center is not good for you child? Also, I am concerned when you say that an 18 month old is becoming "disobedient". My 27 month old is only just starting to understand that she should do what she is told, and as a toddler testing her limits, she resists doing so. At 18 months, no child should be expected to be obedient. If they are in danger, the parent has to intervene. Babies and toddlers will not stop because you tell them to. It is a mistake to say they are being disobedient when they dont know what it is to obey or not obey.
-- cheryl

I am a moterh of two children eighteen months old and a four year old. I recently was admitted to a doctroal program and have maintained a small business since my son's birth. I find the juggling act is always a tentative one. I also find sometimes priorities change. I don't care about extravent meals, just as long as they are nutritious. I have found sitters who make meals. I state that as an understanding from the beginning. I find it saves an hour or more in the evening. I am defintely ready to be with my kids. It's less hassle than when I am at home! I do both and you just do your best.
-- Dot

Dear Kristabelle,
Hi my name is Helen and I am studying Psychology externally, I have four children, and three still at home, so i understand your problem. I just try and fit in study when I can. But there must be a better solution. Getting my degree is very important to me, so it will all work out in the end.
Helen
-- helen

Hi,
I am a mother of a 3.5 year old and pregnant. I have been bringing work home and studying for work also since my son has been 2 months old. When I tried to do it before my son went to bed, we both would get very upset, anxious and unhappy. So I decided to spend time with him before he went to bed. You have to spend time with the baby, but you also need to relax a little bit. So use that time to do both. When he goes to sleep try to get your studying done. Good luck.
-- Christie

I am a student also, and with two very active girls I have found that they love to get a coloring book or a note book and sit at the table with me and do their homework, I do so hope this last while they are in school, I found letting them be involved with what I am doing helps keep them settled. Also a wondeful husband to help keep them at bay, I may also ask a relative or a close friend to come over and watch them if I can not get things done. Be creative and it will work out.
-- Samantha

I am a working mother and have a 5 year old. I have to work 80 hours a week. My son acted up a lot at the beginning and I almost lost my head!
I realized it was because he missed me and now when we have spare time I try to do something special. Something he enjoys! He is getting better for me now and all I can say is that it is hard at first but they will come around.
-- Serena

I am a single mother with a 3 1/2 yr old child and have simular problems my daqughther will actually grab my homework an through it and refuses to let me on the computer so i have to limit my school time to the campus and after bed time. i have found that by taking her to school the same time everyday wether or not i have class keeps her in a better temper and makes things less stresful on both of us, as well as giving me extra studying time.
-- Sarah

I would be careful not to put too much on the plate- your child may suffer. Young children NEED time with PARENTS- not just a couple of minutes here and there. Young children become angry when they feel neglected. IMO, you need to change your life to fit your child's needs- not the other way around, NO child should be forced to have a PT parent when they need FT love AND care.
-- A FT mom

Why don't you sit, empty your mind of the things you have to do for a while and think of what your son is trying to convey? He may be trying to get your attention because he thinks that you haven't been spending enough (QUALITY)time with him since you went back to school. Although a lot of people can juggle family, their job and studies at this same time, it may not be the best for your family. I can understand that finishing your studies is something you want for yourself but this may not be the best time. Just think about it... Good luck!
-- Gem

I am a college professor and a Mom of two children, ages 4 and 6. I had my children long after I finished school (and have the gray hairs to prove it), but I see many of my students juggling the same responsibilities as you -- work, school and home. You (and my students) have my sympathy. You're doing something that's very difficult.

I have two pieces of advice. 1) Do all the studying you can while your child is in day care. Whether it's breaks between classes, or during your lunch hour at work, make some time to study then, so you can keep up with your classes, and spend some time with the baby at home.

2) Don't take on too much. If four courses are killing you, take two. If two courses are too much with your work and mom schedule, go down to one. The college degree will be yours, and will be worth it, whenever you get there. It's more important to do well (especially if you ever aspire to a graduate program) and maintain your health and sanity, than to spread yourself too thin.

Good luck to you.


-- Karen

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