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How do you not resent you husband and children when you are forced to work because of money, or in our case benefits, and get very little or no help at home when you want to be a stay at home Mom?
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Lisa,
There's an old saying about if you can't raise the lower the water to cross the river, try raising the bridge. In your case, you might try to figure out ways to persuade your husband and kids to do their share around the house. If the reality is that you have to work for the benefits, then you have to work. But just because nobody has helped share the load at home before, it doesn't mean they can't start now.
As many of you know I'm big on lists and communicating. For the list part, make a list of all the jobs that need to be done on a regular basis, dinner, vacuuming, washing dishes, laundry, cleaning the bathroom, etc. Set it up so each job is listed on its own line with space after it. Leave space at the top to write in the date of the week/month/etc. Then call a family meeting and explain that everyone is going to start doing certain jobs each week. Initially, everyone gets to pick however many you decide they should do. Or you can draw straws, whatever. Then the list gets posted on the refrigerator and the job gets checked off when it's done. Whoever gets theirs done first gets some kind of reward...a favorite desert, a special treat of some kind. Not money. In other words, you try to make it a competition. This really works.
Here's the hard part. On most of the jobs, neither the kids nor your husband are going to do them right. That's okay. Don't criticize except to suggest tips and ideas to do it better. The point is to get them to do it. Then you can "encourage" them to improve. But you'll blow the whole thing if you complain after they've tried. So you end up biting your tongue a lot. Give it a try.
Working together we can make a difference.
-- Cathy Feldman
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