Family Matters: Readers Write...

My childcare tips

Alison
Fri, 17 Oct 1997

I'm taking a break during the workday to read your site. (It's very funny, and I saw myself making a lot of mistakes taking the Career section's questionnaire). ...But, I think I'm doing a lot of things RIGHT on the family front, which, I imagine, many working moms aren't doing.

Because I work in a fast-paced environment (MBA-level, travel a lot, bring in new business for the company yet also do consulting on the side), have a nice home (planting fall bulbs next week, do my own cooking, etc.) and have a 9-year old daughter (just bought pumpkins & Halloween costume last week, travel with her too, help her with homework, etc.), I have to be efficient. The key is organization.

I Can't Believe How Many Mothers Let Their Kids Run The Show!!! They become slaves to the kids, letting them mess up the house (then who has to clean it?) chauffeuring them from one lesson/practice session/event to another (then who needs Valium at the end of the day?) and generally becoming so engrossed in the act of "juggling" all this that they don't spend time with the kids, don't pay attention to them, and then have to deal with discipline problems on top of all the housework.

Here's how I do it:

1. Hire a housecleaner.
   A maid service that comes once every 2 - 3 weeks to do the big stiff (bathrooms, windows, vacuuming, etc.) runs about $60 - $90, and is well worth it. (What's that stuff about "Competitive Advantage" we learn in business school? Do the jobs that you're really good at and get paid most for. Buy in the time consuming stuff you're bad at).
   
   
2. Teach the kid/s by having them help out.
   Every couple of weeks, my daughter and I (mainly her) clean her room. She picks up after herself, puts her clothes in the laundry, gets her own breakfast and can make her lunch if she has to. The trick here is starting them young (we started at age 3 with the little pick up stuff) and making it a fun project for them with Mom. Now that she's 9, she' s already in the habit, and when I tell her to put her things away, she needs minimal supervision.
   
   
3. Teach the kids to do as much of their own stuff on their own possible.
   Take bathes for instance. I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT SOME OF MY DAUGHTER'S FRIENDS' MOTHERS HAVE TO HELP THEM TAKE THEIR BATHES AND WASH THEIR HAIR. My daughter has been taking her own bathes for 3 years now (with me coming in and out of the bathroom once or twice to make sure everything is OK, or just chit chatting with her from the bedroom) and has been dressing herself since she was 4. She picks out her own clothes, brushes her own teeth, and cleans out her own ears. One reminder from me and a "post procedure inspection" and she's done with minimal hassle from Mom. Again, the trick is to get them independent from an early age, and let them you know that Mom will be checking to make sure it's done & done right. (This can be a fun time that both teaches her self discipline and reinforces my message that I love her and want to teach her things).
   
   
4. The power of the word, "NO!"
   Again, I SIMPLY CANNOT BELIEVE HOW MANY MOTHERS FEEL GUILTY ABOUT TELLING THEIR KIDS "NO". Some of my daughter's friends have parents that consistently buy the most expensive clothes (my daughter knows how to shop for both value & price), running themselves deeper & deeper into credit-card debt hell by running up balances on items they really can't afford. Ditto for toys, gadgets, etc. When we got to the supermarket, I let her pick out ONE THING that she wants. After that, I make the purchase decisions. When we go to craft shops (which she loves), she can buy whatever she wants, up to the allowance ($1 per week) she's got in her pocket. After that it's, "NO!".

This has been fun to write. Hope it's been fun reading on your end.

Alison