Practical Parenting

First-Day of School Jitters - Yours and Theirs

by Liza N. Burby

My five-year-old, Laura, is having a rough summer. She's just not her usual easygoing self. Instead she has become prone to outbursts of both tears and anger. I, meanwhile, fluctuate between being relieved that for the first time since I became a mom nine years ago, I won't have to worry about childcare, and being melancholy that my last baby is going off to school.

Laura and I are suffering the first day of school blues. While I understand where I'm coming from, her point of view is a little harder to grasp. Like many five-year-olds, she hasn't exactly verbalized her feelings. I just know that becoming a kindergartner is causing conflict for her by the things she hasn't said. For instance, when I asked her what character she wanted on her brand-new backpack, she answered she didn't want one at all. And she has become so clingy that I feel her grip on my wrist whenever I try to leave the house.

So, we're talking about it. We play school and read books about starting school, which gives her opportunities to tell me how she's feeling, either through playacting or commenting on what we've read. And whenever I can, I ask her how she feels about going on the bus, eating in the cafeteria, having gym and art classes, or learning how to read. When we speak about these new experiences, she smiles and is clearly excited. Meanwhile, she knows that I'm listening, as well.

There are other things we parents can do to ease first-day jitters for our children. But don't wait until the night before to try them. Here are some suggestions:

• Encourage independence by making sure they can go to the bathroom by themselves, zip, button and tie their clothes, and clean up their toys.



• Visit the classroom before day one, preferably when the teacher is there. Take your child on a tour so they know where the bathroom is, where they'll eat and play. If school is locked, at least walk the grounds, letting them play on the playground equipment. Having an idea of where things are can help relieve their anxiety.



• Most schools have an orientation for new students. Try to find a child there that your child already knows or connects with and schedule a brief playdate before school starts. When they see a familiar face on the first day, they'll feel more relaxed.



• Request a conference with your child's teacher, or at least, write a letter telling him or her your child's likes and dislikes, how your child expresses anger, sadness and joy, chronic illness or allergies, everything they need to know about your child.



• Keep the rest of your child's life predictable. This is not a good time to change sitters, mess around with bedtimes, go on a business trip (if you can avoid it), or anything else likely to make your child anxious.



• Read to your child at least 20 minutes a day as a bonding opportunity, as well as a learning tool.