Keeping Sibling Roomies Civil

by Liza N. Burby

When siblings are going to be roommates, there are creative ways you canmake it work out. Here are some tips from the experts on how tonegotiate a peaceful co-existence:

• When there is conflict, Ernest Fruge, a psychologist at Baylor College of Medicine in Houston, advises taking it as an opportunity to teach social skills. Find out what led to the dispute and how the kids have approached the problem. You may find a pattern worth investigating -- perhaps the younger one has picked up an annoying habit at school.
  
  
• Try to provide each child a bed, dresser and desk.
  
  
• Bunk beds may be a space-saver, but sometimes the kid on top may be scared. Make sure he or she wants to sleep up there.
  
  
• Set ground rules and make sure that each child understands them, suchas, "You may not open each other's drawers without asking."
  
  
• Respect individuality by letting kids decorate their side of the roomas they wish - even when that means mismatched wallpaper.
  
  
• When friends are coming over, agree up front who gets the room. Makea plan and then switch it next time.
  
  
• Ask how the children feel about sharing the room, even if you can'tchange it. "The children need to be able to feel they can register theircomplaints," says Phil Oraby, a Manhattan-based psychologist.

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Liza N. Burby is an award-winning author and an accomplished public speaker. She is the mother of two daughters, Danielle, age 7 and Laura, age 4, and is married to Stephen, a high school teacher. They live in Huntington Station, NY. She is a frequent contributor to Working Moms' Internet Refuge.

This article first appeared in Newsday.