MOTHERING

A Stepmother's Fairy Tale

by Fern Kupfer

Did anyone ever think that Hansel and Gretel's stepmother was not such aterrible person? After all, what did she really do? She sent the kidsoff into the woods because she wanted a little time alone with herhusband. Is that such a crime?

I mean, look at it from her point of view: You marry a guy and thereare two preadolescents already glommed to his side. They're all right,but, basically, they're kids. They don't pick up wet towels. They sniffsuspiciously before tasting your cooking. They have MTV on first thingin the morning. Also, they are there all the time. They go to sleeplater than you do. Their friends sometimes stay the weekend. Every dayyou trip over boots and bookbags in the hall.

So one day you say: "Children, instead of me driving you to the mallthis afternoon, how about if I just pack up some sandwiches and you twocan have a little picnic deep in the woods?" (I mean, you can see itfrom this point of view, can you not?)

I've been feeling a little like Hansel and Gretel's stepmother thesedays as I read the brochures about performing arts summer camps andAmerican Field Service trips abroad - though it's not like this was myidea in the first place. My stepdaughter Megan came to us with a plan.It started long ago with her worship of the Beatles after listening tosome old records of my husband's and culminated recently in a full-blownobsession with all things British. Then she met British "friends" on acomputer network she's hooked up with, teenagers across the ocean shecommunicates with on a regular basis. Two of them actually visited lastsummer. They turned out to be very nice young men who made us tea andshared stories of British life. Meeting them only intensified Megan'sdesire: The United Kingdom became the Magic Kingdom.

We talked about a trip to England when she graduated - perhaps ahigh school graduation gift. She talked about putting off college for ayear, getting a job as a nanny in England. Then she came home with anAmerican Field Service brochure that describes going abroad and livingwith a host family for the summer. "Think of what a wonderfuleducational experience it would be," Megan said. My husband and Iswallowed hard when we read how much the wonderful educationalexperience would cost.

Katie, her younger sister, has always dreamed of her name in lights.She loves movies and theater and is a pretty good actress, asophisticated writer and choreographer. After her dad and I got married,we were the audience for Katie's skits and dances, sometimes invitingthe neighbors in for the more polished performances. Once, with a feverand flu, she was in a Christmas production of "Scrooge," discreetlythrowing up between acts. The show must go on, she said.

So last week when I mentioned that I had a friend in New York whosent her daughter to a performing arts summer camp, Katie's eyes lit up."Oh, I would love to go to a camp like that," she told me, adding with alittle drama of her own how forever grateful she would be for theopportunity.

I went to the library and read up. Seems there are performing artscamps that give instruction in acting and directing and costume design.Unfortunately, these camps don't seem to exist in Iowa, but in New Yorkand Connecticut and Colorado. So added to the expense of the camp wouldbe a trip just to get her there.

"We'll see," we told Katie about performing arts camp. "We'll see,"we told Megan about the American Field Service.

"It would be a terrific summer for the girls," I told my husband.Part of my enthusiasm was that it would be a terrific summer for us,too. I thought of silent phones and clean kitchen counters; I thoughthow all my clothes would remain in my own closet and how I would nothave to search the house for tape, nail clippers or the TV section ofthe newspaper; I pictured my husband and me waking up on a sunnySaturday in July and saying in wild abandon: "Let's drive to Des Moines,to Minneapolis, to Katmandu." I imagined being alone with my husband,really alone - alone enough to make love in the daytime and cooklate-night dinners of grownup food like poached salmon and freshasparagus in vinaigrette.

We told the children, "We'll see," but as I look over our snowybackyard and envision this summer scenario, I'm thinking: Let's spendthe bucks and go for it!

I'm also thinking that if only Hansel and Gretel's family had acouple more shekels those kids could have had an educational andcultural summer experience, the grownups could have had some time alone,and nobody would believe that the stepmother was really such a witchafter all.

Fern Kupfer is a novelist and writing professor at Iowa State University. She is a frequent contributor to Working Moms' Internet Refuge.

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