The Spirited Child Goes to School

by Deborah Shafritz

A child's entry into kindergarten is a milestone for both the child and the parents. Kindergarten is the child's introduction to her next 13 years in school. For parents, this monumental step signifies the end of babyhood. No longer is their child an infant, toddler or preschooler, she is now "school-age." Parents of children entering kindergarten agonize over finding the right school, the right class, the right teacher. After all, a positive experience in kindergarten can make the child's remaining school years a success. The wrong choice can damage the child's attitude about school and learning.

Parents of spirited kids look forward to the school years with trepidation. Many have already had problems with their child's preschool. They have been called to numerous conferences todiscuss behavior. Some parents have been asked to stay at school to manage their child. Some have been asked to "find another situation," as the teachers are unable to cope with thechild's conduct.

But, school can be positive and exciting for a spirited child. The key is to find a school and teachers who are open to learning about spirit, a place where the child's unique personality will be understood and supported.

Finding the "Right" School

In addition to neighborhood public elementary schools, there are other public school options:

• Open Alternative Schools have a more open structure and frequently have multi-grade classrooms. Parent involvement is often required. Learning is usually self-paced. This type of school is especially good for a child who can't handle a lot of structure.
  
  
• Charter Schools give teachers and parents more control over how the school is run. Parent involvement is usually required. Some Charter Schools allow children to be home-schooled part of the time.
  
  
• Intradistrict Transfers: It may be possible to enroll the child in another school within the school district. There needs to be room at the desired school and permission from one or both principals may be required.
  
  
• Interdistrict Transfers: It may be possible to enroll in a school in another district. In California, a student can be officially released from the home district in order to attend a school in another district.
  
  
• Private Schools can also be a good place for a spirited child. While they can be costly, they can also offer smaller class sizes and more one-on-one attention than public schools.

Finding the "Right" Teacher

The most influential person in the child's life, after the parents, is the teacher. It is important to find a sensitive, caring teacher whose teaching style and classroom will fit your child. Observe the classroom during a regular school day. In Raising Your Spirited Child, author Mary Sheedy Kurcinka recommends picking out a child who reminds you of your own. Watch how the child gets along in the classroom and how the teacher handles him/her.

In addition to selecting a child to watch, parents should note the physical classroom and classroom routines. Some things to look for:

How are the students seated? Kindergarten students frequently sit together on a rug. If your child is distractible, sitting with others might be too hard. Are there marked spaces which keep the children from sitting too close together? Do the children have assigned spots or are they allowed to sit wherever they choose? A distractible child may need to be assigned to sit near students who will not steal his focus. In higher grades, look to see if the kids sit in groups or alone. The distractible child may need to have her own desk away from others, or at least a "focus desk" where she can move if she feels the need. How is the child's desk situated? Does it face the windows or door? Is it near the classroom computer? Kids can lose their focus if someone walks by or comes in the room, or if the computer is being used nearby. Are the bulletin boards busy? Are things hanging from the ceiling? Some classrooms have so much stuff to look at that even non-spirited children can find concentrating difficult.

Additionally, an intense child may become overstimulated by a busy classroom, causing misbehavior.

What is the pacing of the class? Are there frequent transitions? This can be a problem for a low-adaptability child. Watch how the teacher makes transitions. Are warnings given ahead of time ("five minutes until clean-up," for example)? Spirited kids have a hard time stopping what they are doing and need to be alerted in advance of a transition. Are the children given the opportunity to move around? Some teachers don't like a child wandering around the room, others don't mind it. A high-energy child may need to move around before he can sit down and concentrate. Many teachers understand this, and incorporate movement into their classroom activities. Some clever teachers will use the high-energy child as the class messenger, even inventing errands to give the child the chance to move. What subjects are taught later in the morning or after lunch? This is important, because spirited kids burn with such intensity that by late morning they are often hungry and tired, making them unable to cope with lessons. Is the schedule displayed? Spirited kids love predictability. Knowing what is going to happen during the day can give them a sense of security.

Finally, if you have a spirited child, don't be shy about letting the teacher and the school know it. Spirit is a wonderful thing! Take Raising Your Spirited Child to school and show it to the teacher. Highlight the traits your child has and emphasize the positive aspects as well as the ones which may hamper learning. Share your own insights about managing your child's traits. Keep in mind that the teacher is an ally, not an enemy, and the more the teacher knows about your child the better able he/she will be to handle things.

Deborah Shafritz is a volunteer for Postpartum Education for Parents (PEP) in Santa Barbara, California. PEP was founded in 1977 by a group of mothers to offer each other support after the births of their children. PEP is a non-profit, all-volunteer corporation staffed entirely by trained parent volunteers. PEP believes that there is no one right wayto parent and that parental confidence increases by learning basic parenting skills and sharing concerns with others.