Q: I am longing to be a stay-at-home mom. I am pregnant with my fourth child in addition to having an 8, 7 and 5 year old. I am determined to not put this child in daycare at six weeks like the other children. The problem is my husband won't let me quit my job. I have done all the figuring and we can afford it. Things may be tight on occasion, but our monthly bills can be paid. My husband just can't let go of all the extra income. What can I do?

Cindy

A: You need to get to the bottom of his reasons.

Is it the security that your job provides him, knowing he isn't responsible for it all? Then, he needs to decide whose job it is to support the family. Should it be yours, or should your main job be to focus on your family, care for them, provide stability at home, provide emotional support for the kids, and be the nurturing one.

Does he want your income so he can have some financial perks or more toys? Then, he needs to make sure the toys aren't more important than the kids' needs.

Then, there are your needs. You may need to be at home due to the demands on you. List all that you do for the home and kids, and list what he does. Is it equal? If he expects you to work away from home as much as he does, then he should do as much as you do at home. Or he should let you cut back on work so that you can do what you need to at home.

And, finally, there is the question of what is best for your kids. Do some research on child-care issues, and the long-term results it has on kids. Ask him if that's what he wants for your kids.

Q: I have an older van that really needs to have major repairs. We put a new transmission in recently — while I was still working. I am at home now and use the van primarily for carting the kids around. My husband has the new car urge and keeps talking about using my van for a trade-in. We figure that we could "afford" payments of $200 a month but that would be all of our discretionary budget. How do we decide which is the best use of our money? Fix the old or invest in a newer vehicle?

Michelle

A: There are several questions to consider.

I doubt that you can get a brand new car for your trade in plus $200 payments, so you will probably get another used one. Is that going to be any better than the one you have?

Do you want to have NO discretionary money? Can you or your husband really live without any "extras" for a few years? Can you and your kids live "bone dry" financially just so you can have a newer car?

The $200 per month comes to $2400 per year. Do you think you would spend more than that on repairs?

Q: I am looking for suggestions as to how to "reprogram" myself to stay out of the stores, mainly Wal-Mart, and the malls, so that I will have at least some of my spending money left at the end of the week! I really want to become more frugal so that we can have a heftier savings account, contingency account, etc., but it seems as if shopping is one of my life's greatest pleasures. Please give me suggestions as to how you have overcome this "burning desire", or at least learned to tame it!

A: America has turned shopping into a recreation. The best way to stop your habit is to realize that your shopping is hurting other areas of your home. It may be causing debt, which is a burden to your family. It takes away from productive time with one another. You could be spending time together doing other things. Not to mention that you end up with many products that are totally unnecessary.

Make a list of the harmful effects that your shopping has, and of the positive effects that your not shopping will have. Post them on your refrigerator or in your car to remind you.

Studies have been done on the shopper. For every minute that we are in a store or mall, we spend $4. So the best way to save, is to stay out of the stores.

Jonni McCoy is the author of Miserly Moms - Living On One Income In A Two-Income Economy and Frugal Families - Making The Most Of Your Hard Earned Money! Visit the Miserly Moms Web site at http://www.miserlymoms.com

To submit a frugal question that you would like answered, write to miserlymoms@miserlymoms.com -- please put "Column Questions" in the subject field.

The advice given in this column is based upon personal information and experience. For further information, please read the disclaimer.