Parenting in the 90s from Toddlers to Teens

Adolescence -- Hanging on...Letting Go

by Lynn Byk, Ph.D.

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Parenting the older (14-18) adolescent is a daunting task. Parentingskills that helped soothe the occasional scraped knee and the trauma of notbeing invited to that all-important party no longer work. Teens, who bynow look more like adults, prefer to rebuff every approach, behaving sulkyone minute, and like "themselves" the next.

Torn pants that drag on the floor, sun-in dyed hair, telephones thatring throughout the night, rooms that are never clean, not to mention cars,piercing, keg-parties and drugs often leave parents feeling confused,scared and out of control.

Adolescence is a time of enormous growth and change. Teens are busyestablishing an identity, trying to fit in, coping with all the stresses oflife while feeling incredibly self-conscious and uncertain of themselves. Outside forces play an increasingly dramatic role in a teenager's life. Itis developmentally appropriate for adolescents to focus more on the outsideworld of friends, teachers, coaches and love interests.

Parents need to trust their instincts when assessing what is "normal"behavior. Annoying conduct may be an adolescent's way of establishing anidentity separate and apart from parents. This is more commonly referredto as "the power struggle." Other behavior, however, may signify a teen ishaving underlying worries and difficulties which need to be identified andaddressed.

Tips

0. Keep eyes and ears open.
1. Be involved.
2. Speak to other parents.
3. Keep communication lines open with kids.
4. Know your child's friends, activities and interests.
5. Read as much as you can.
6. Join a group (F.A.C.E. I.T. offers many for parents of teenagers)
7. Realize you can make it happen. You can make a difference.
8. Dr. Byk, is Director of Adolescent and Multicultural Services at F.A.C.E.I.T.
9. Watch for next issue's article on drugs and alcohol.

• Feel free to call, (516.466.2555), e-mail us (lauries@faceitinc.com) at F.A.C.E. I.T. if your worries persist.

Lynn is a Licensed Psychologist, tenured Professor within the CityUniversity of New York and Adjunct Professor in Applied Psychology at NewYork University. Lynn is an experienced psychotherapist, consultant andproud parent of an adolescent daughter. The focus of her private practiceon Long Island is on adolescent and couples' counseling. Lynn is an expertin the field of girl's and women's development and conducts seminars,workshops and groups on issues related to promoting self-esteem in women.You can contact Lynn at F.A.C.E. I.T. 516.466.2555 or e-mail her atlynnb@faceitinc.com