Parenting in the 90s from Toddlers to Teens

The Lighter Side of Parenting

by Laurie Segal

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Parenting is a humbling experience. I was at a toy store last week inNew York City where I used to live. I hadn't been there for what seemedlike a century at the very least. It brought back a memory I feelembarrassed yet obligated to share.

I was twenty years old, picking up a birthday gift for my nephew who wasturning two. I was waiting on line when I noticed what appeared to be twoyoung children crawling beneath a row of gum ball machines. When theyemerged, the children were covered with ice cream, dirt, peanut butter and other indistinguishable daily residue. They proudly held in their hands the conquest of their crusade... two red gum balls.

A myriad of thoughts and feelings took over my body. Did my parents letme crawl on toy store floors? Would those stains ever come off theirshirts...or skin? What kind of parent lets their kids walk around lookinglike that? Maybe they didn't have parents? Didn't I read somewhere that criminal behavior begins in early childhood? Were they really going to eat those gum balls?

Just as my neurotic impulses were about to get the best of me I saw her.The culprit, the evildoer, the person responsible for this neglect andoutrage was... an indistinguishable dark-haired woman somewhere in hermid-thirties wearing leggings, sneakers and a faded pink, used to bewhite, tee-shirt.

There she was paying for a bunch of toys while lifting yet another oneof them out of the cart. The woman calmly took out two quarters from herpurse and gave them to the children, reminding them not to swallow the gum. "Not to swallow the gum," I thought to myself, what about the pound ofdirt and other remains theysucked up while they were on their gum ball mission? What about the toxicwaste they were inhaling from their clothing? What about just signingthem up now for the life-long therapy plan?

It only took me about two days to recover from the experience. I wasback on my high horse in no time believing my idealistic fantasy of howeasy raising kids would be.

I held onto this fantasy for years. Children were a piece of cake...sosimple, a real pleasure, until... I had my own.

Fifteen years, a husband, and two children later, I sometimes catchthe eye of a perfectly attired twenty-something year old as my childrensurface from beneath "gum ball row". The look of horror on her face as Iretrieve two quarters from my purse usually says it all. Parenting is ahumbling experience.

• Feel free to call, (516.466.2555), e-mail us (lauries@faceitinc.com) at F.A.C.E. I.T. if your worries persist.

Lynn is a Licensed Psychologist, tenured Professor within the CityUniversity of New York and Adjunct Professor in Applied Psychology at NewYork University. Lynn is an experienced psychotherapist, consultant andproud parent of an adolescent daughter. The focus of her private practiceon Long Island is on adolescent and couples' counseling. Lynn is an expertin the field of girl's and women's development and conducts seminars,workshops and groups on issues related to promoting self-esteem in women.You can contact Lynn at F.A.C.E. I.T. 516.466.2555 or e-mail her atlynnb@faceitinc.com