June
Worrier's Guide to Camp

June
Pediatric Tips

Parenting in the 90s from Toddlers to Teens

The "Daze" of Summer

by Laurie Segal, CSW

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The end of school and the start of camp are often filled with excitement and anticipation. This can also be a time of tension and trepidation. The shift to summer awakens many thoughts and feelings for children and parents alike. Parents can limit the stress children experience during this transition by preparing themselves and their children forthe changes that await them.

Children ages 2-5

• Trust your instincts about when to start discussing issues withchildren. Nursery schools usually start talking about the change four to six weeks before schoolends. However, children often have a sense earlier, especially thosewith older siblings.
  
  
• Explain to children how you are going to help them with all theirfeelings about this time of year by talking and planning for the changestogether.
  
  
• Help children identify and label feelings. Discuss how change can beboth scary and exciting. Talk about how it is normal to feel like a bigkid one minute and a little kid the next.
  
  
• Young children feel secure when things stay the same, so during times of change keep as much dailystructure in place as possible (bedtime, meal times, rules etc.)
  
  
• Try not to start any developmental task such as toilet training,moving to a new bed, or giving up the bottle during the height of thetransition. If changes must be made, break them down into incrementsand make the shift gradually, discussing the issues as you go.
  
  
• Allow children to talk on the phone and make playdates with schoolfriends at the start, and end, of summer. This will help alleviate their anxiety about losing friends and not fitting in when school begins again in the fall.
  
  
• Teach children the names of their counselors before they start camp. Take them for a reminder tour of the camp a week before they start. Besure to point out the less obvious places such as the bathrooms and thenurse.
  
  
• Children can be more sensitive than usual about the artwork and "stuff" that grows in their backpack this time of year, so be careful about throwing things out.

Children ages 6-9

Parents with children on the younger side of this age group shouldreview the previous section for additional age appropriate tips.

Generally speaking, elementary schools do a good job preparingchildren for the end of school. The developmental focus for childrenthis age is about "fitting in." Insure children that the feelings theyare having are normal and that their friends are feeling the same things, too.

Review the school year and point out all their social, academic, athletic and artistic accomplishments that seemed so difficult at the beginning of the year.

• Make a "countdown" calendar for the last week of school. Draw and/or write all the activities planned for the week, and allow children to cross off thedays as they go.
  
  
• Children often ask detailed questions about the things they do notunderstand in an attempt to relieve anxiety. Try to avoid lengthyexplanations about school, camp, teachers, counselors etc. which canconfuse and overwhelm them. If children continue to ask, mention theymust be having feelings which make it hard for them to understandeverything. That simple statement will make them feel betterunderstood, and less anxious overall.
  
  
• If you trust a camp enough to send your child, trust them to handlethe variety of issues that come up during the summer. Do not get overlyinvolved in negotiating things for your child during the camp season. It will embarrass your child and send a message that they are incapableof handling these things on their own.

Children ages 10 and up

The developmental angst of adolescence is the struggle betweenindependence (being out in the world) and the need to stay connected tothe family. Summertime is a haven for teens to try on new identities,relish their non-academic freedom and torture parents with both sides ofthe conflict.

• The end of the school year is a time of social and scholasticpressure. Final exams and report cards conflict with phone calls andfriends. Be understanding, make expectations clear, and stick tosetting limits regarding inappropriate behavior well in advance of thechaos.
  
  
• Camp provides an ideal setting for teens to try out new identitieswhile apart from family and school friends. It is typical for teensaway at camp to feel homesick and long for visiting day, only to wishfor the visit to end so they can return to their "camp world."
  
  
• Do not take it personally when teens act as if you are terriblyflawed. It is their way of coping with missing, angry and confusedfeelings. Their ability to express "negative" feelings is a reflectionof the trust they have in their relationship with you.
  
  
• Do not lose your sense of humor. Tell children about the anxietiesyou had transitioning to adulthood. Share honestly experiences fromyour adolescence in all of its awkward glory and your teen will feelmore connected to you.
  
  
• Spend time alone together. Teens will rarely admit that they valuethe time together.

Closing Tips for All

• Encourage children to participate in rituals connected to endingschool. Missing the final party, graduation, or other goodbyeactivities may take away from age appropriate tasks important forclosure.
  
  
• Do not try to "sell" children on the idea that there is nothing to worry about. They will not be sold, and will instead feel misunderstood.
  
  
• Acknowledge to yourself your feelings of loss and sadness associated with letting children grow so as not to inhibit your childrendue to your own needs.
  
  
• Certain circumstances can magnify a child's reaction to the end of school.Children who have had difficulties with transitions in the past and children experiencing any other type of new adjustment (a new sibling,graduating or moving to a new school, separation between parents, loss of a grandparent etc.) may need more time for discussion.
  
  
• Watch for normal signs of stress. It may be difficult to detectbecause children can not always express what they are feeling directly. Warning signs might include: nightmares, aggressive or regressivebehavior, physical complaints, changes in mood, sleep or appetite,withdrawal, separation anxiety etc.
  
  
• Do not panic if you see signs of stress. Be prepared and speak in a calm way about all of the issues mentioned above. The symptoms are likely to fade...maybeby the Fall!
  
  
• If symptoms persist, or you have further questions or concerns, pleasefeel free to call us at F.A.C.E. I.T. (516) 466-2555